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コメント(32)
＜＜ Tough ＞＞
There’s a Marine, an Airforce Commando, a Navy Seal and a
Green Beret sitting around a campfire telling each-other
how tough they are.
The Marine says: "I can swim 50 miles and bite the head
off a live chicken. One Marine is worth 5 other men."
The Airforce Commando says - "I can clear runways
one-handed and kill a man with my bare hands.
One Airforce Commando is worth 10 other men."
The Navy Seal says - "Yeah? Well I can dive up to 90 feet
without air, and I’m an expert in demolitions. One Navy
Seal is worth 13 other men."
The Green Beret just sat there all this time saying
nothing, quietly turning the embers.
all this time 終始
ember 残り火
There’s a Marine, an Airforce Commando, a Navy Seal and a
Green Beret sitting around a campfire telling each-other
how tough they are.
The Marine says: "I can swim 50 miles and bite the head
off a live chicken. One Marine is worth 5 other men."
The Airforce Commando says - "I can clear runways
one-handed and kill a man with my bare hands.
One Airforce Commando is worth 10 other men."
The Navy Seal says - "Yeah? Well I can dive up to 90 feet
without air, and I’m an expert in demolitions. One Navy
Seal is worth 13 other men."
The Green Beret just sat there all this time saying
nothing, quietly turning the embers.
all this time 終始
ember 残り火
＜＜ driving license ＞＞
A young boy had just gotten his driving license.
He asked his father, who was a minister and a bit of a twit,
if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to him,
"I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up,
study your bible a little and get your hair cut, and we'll
talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his
father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said,
"Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your
grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you
didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied,
"You know Dad, I've been thinking about that.
Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair,
and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied,
"Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
A young boy had just gotten his driving license.
He asked his father, who was a minister and a bit of a twit,
if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to him,
"I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up,
study your bible a little and get your hair cut, and we'll
talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his
father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said,
"Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your
grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you
didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied,
"You know Dad, I've been thinking about that.
Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair,
and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied,
"Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
＜＜ Taxi ＞＞
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask
him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters
from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the
driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the
daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that
a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving
a funeral van for the last 25 years!
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask
him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters
from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the
driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the
daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that
a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving
a funeral van for the last 25 years!
＜＜ Is my time up? ＞＞
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to
the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death
experience. Seeing God, she asked
"Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years,
2 months, and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she
might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the
hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed
by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you
pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to
the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death
experience. Seeing God, she asked
"Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years,
2 months, and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she
might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the
hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed
by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you
pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
＜＜ second opinion ＞＞
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of
the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to
make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated
husband says,"What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late - doing what?" he said.
"Getting a second opinion!"
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of
the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to
make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated
husband says,"What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late - doing what?" he said.
"Getting a second opinion!"
＜＜ Drunk Talk ＞＞
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to
the bartender:
"Drinks for all on me including you, bartender."
So the bartender follows the mans orders and says:
"That will be $36.50 please."
The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him
around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a
drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender.
Again the bartender follows instructions and again the
drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him
around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks
for all except the bartender.
"What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no.
You get violent when you drink".
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to
the bartender:
"Drinks for all on me including you, bartender."
So the bartender follows the mans orders and says:
"That will be $36.50 please."
The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him
around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a
drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender.
Again the bartender follows instructions and again the
drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him
around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks
for all except the bartender.
"What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no.
You get violent when you drink".
＜＜ frozen state ＞＞
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"
"Now, now," her mother comforted,
"I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments.
"I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about
the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed,
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll,
it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket
for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it,
I looked at the directions on the back and it said,
'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"
"Now, now," her mother comforted,
"I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments.
"I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about
the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed,
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll,
it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket
for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it,
I looked at the directions on the back and it said,
'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."
＜＜ shirt ＞＞
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied.
"What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back,
"Wait…yeah, University of Oklahoma."
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied.
"What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back,
"Wait…yeah, University of Oklahoma."
＜＜ gardener ＞＞
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his
wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd
have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said,
"we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love,
we can fire the gardener."
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his
wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd
have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said,
"we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love,
we can fire the gardener."
＜＜ Microsoft ＞＞
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed
his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read,
stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed
his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read,
stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
＜＜ white ＞＞
Attending a wedding for the first time, Little Susie
whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life."
Litte Susie thought about this for a moment, then said
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
Attending a wedding for the first time, Little Susie
whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life."
Litte Susie thought about this for a moment, then said
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
＜＜ A man called to make... ＞＞
A man called to make reservations on a small charter plane.
The clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and
passengers."
Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, Sir?"
Not thinking clearly, he responded,
"With or without clothes?"
"Well," said the clerk without missing a beat,
"how do you intend to travel?"
A man called to make reservations on a small charter plane.
The clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and
passengers."
Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, Sir?"
Not thinking clearly, he responded,
"With or without clothes?"
"Well," said the clerk without missing a beat,
"how do you intend to travel?"
＜＜ dollar bill ＞＞
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said,
"Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here
much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos
went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to
the United States for a while, went to a couple of
baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ...
church, church, church."
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said,
"Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here
much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos
went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to
the United States for a while, went to a couple of
baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ...
church, church, church."
＜＜ his own business ＞＞
A man had just started his own business,
so there was not a really business going on.
However, he wanted to show off the business is really
good to his prospects.
Then, he pretended to talk on the phone for a business
when he saw a guy entering his office
"Hi, thank you very much.
I will do process this deal."
A man:"Hi, there.
I came here to connect yoru phone! (LOL) "
A man had just started his own business,
so there was not a really business going on.
However, he wanted to show off the business is really
good to his prospects.
Then, he pretended to talk on the phone for a business
when he saw a guy entering his office
"Hi, thank you very much.
I will do process this deal."
A man:"Hi, there.
I came here to connect yoru phone! (LOL) "
＜＜ film ＞＞
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of
film!
Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops.
＜＜ future ＞＞
A frog wanted to know about his future.
He went to see a fortune-teller, then.
The fortune-teller told him that he will soon meet a girl who
would want to know him about everything.
He was so happy to hear the result.
However, he died on the next day.
He was killed because a girl wanted to dissect him at her
science class.
Bingo!
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of
film!
Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops.
＜＜ future ＞＞
A frog wanted to know about his future.
He went to see a fortune-teller, then.
The fortune-teller told him that he will soon meet a girl who
would want to know him about everything.
He was so happy to hear the result.
However, he died on the next day.
He was killed because a girl wanted to dissect him at her
science class.
Bingo!
＜＜ LOST WIFE ＞＞
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts
around the DIY Store when they collide.
"Sorry about that" says the old guy to the young guy,
"I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying
attention to where I was going."
The young guy says: "That's OK. It's a coincidence,
but I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and
I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says: "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?
The young guy says: "Well, she is 27 years old, tall,
with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and
she's wearing a skimpy halter top and tight white shorts.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says:
"Doesn't matter - let's look for yours."
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts
around the DIY Store when they collide.
"Sorry about that" says the old guy to the young guy,
"I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying
attention to where I was going."
The young guy says: "That's OK. It's a coincidence,
but I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and
I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says: "Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?
The young guy says: "Well, she is 27 years old, tall,
with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and
she's wearing a skimpy halter top and tight white shorts.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says:
"Doesn't matter - let's look for yours."
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