こちらは↓当校の生徒様のライティング例と講師からのコメント
In the past, people didn’t feel much stressful, but on the other hand, people feel it recently. The number of committing suicide shows how much stressful people feel nowadays.
I think one of the reason is to be more competitive in society day by day. People feel pressure from others. Especially, developed countries such as USA. Japan etc. I think capitalism makes people feel stressful so people should relax to do their hobbies for releasing stress. I can recommend to take a trip.
In my conclusion, we have to take it easy. Life is often compared to a voyage so we sometimes have to touch down in land.
Feedback
I love your conclusion, excellent metaphor, but the piece is in general a bit short. I think you should include more details. For example, why does competition and capitalism make people stressed out.
A key point here is the use of stressful vs. stressed out. You should use "stressful" only when talking about situations, and "stressed out" when you are talking about feelings.
2.文法力が付く
日常で起きたことを伝えるには様々な時制を使わなくてはいけません。
Today I went shopping. (過去形)
While I was walking around the shop, I met my friend.(過去進行形)と(過去形)
She had been at the shop for 3 hours!(過去完了形)
We are going to go shopping again next weekend. (未来形)
たった4文ですが4つの異なった文法表現が入っています。
文法書はターゲットの文法を使えば解けます。そしていざ様々な文法がミックスされた応用問題になるとたちまちお手上げ状態。日記は普段から応用で文法を学習することができます。