☆ENGLISH ONLY☆コミュのFamily or Dream

Since I have no knowledge of you, I cannot put myself in your shoes well. Let me just tell you what I would do if I were you, though.

If I were you, I would definitely stay with your mom now. Why? Because you can study abroad anytime. That can wait. On the other hand, if you don't stay with your mom now, it may damage her irrecoverably.

You may regret your decision either way. Think about it, though. Would you rather be in Arizona wishing you were right there with your mom when she definitely needs you? Or would you rather be spending time with your mom wishing you were studying in Arizona? It's a simple call to me.

Hope this helps.

you are so nice girl to care about your family.

I want to know what your mom wishes to you.
Because I think every mom wants her daughter to be happy, you should choose the way you will be happy.

By the way, my father's life can be a good tip for you...
My father gave up studying abroad for his mom, who was single mom raise up only son, and became teacher for make living.
But he didn't give up his dream, started studying english when he was 40 and studied in Australia for 1 year.
He retire his teacher carrier and now enjoying travel all over the world.

unlike Japan, in the U.S. you can try anything you want anytime you want, and nobody cares as long as that is your life.

Um.. it's really hard problem to you ...

but

it is your life and you can help your mom with calling her often when you are in America.

I think studying abroad is good opportunity.

have you talked with ur mother about the problem?

I think your mom can endure the bad relationship with ur grandpa, grandma.

I don't know well about ur family.

but I think you should go to USA to make your dream.

Oh, it's really difficult to choose.
How about your mother's opinion?
If she agrees with you, you should go!! In stead of that, you have to contacnt with her frequently and support her metrality or go back to Japan on long vacation.
Surely to take care of Alzheimer's people is not easy.
Before leave fo US, your family should serch daycare service or public system.

As mother, I want my son to come true his dream if he has same dream as you.
Youth is very important and many chaces!!

I think you should to go to the university. It must be very difficult for you to choose you mum or uni. Your mum will need a support but not neccesarily you. I don't know but this could be a opportunity for your mum to get closer to your grand mum, which might lead a better (even slightly) relationship between your mum and grand mum.

Anyway, I think you should go to the uni.

Dear Padome-san,
I do not know if I have the right to give adovice.
I have a mother with alzheimer's syndrome and I have been out of Japan
over 12years so far.
First of all, I think you should not feeling guilty for leaving your mom to go to the USA. You have been helping your mom at side, but that is what you can still do same during your stay in the USA through SKYP and email. Considering your age and Japanese resession and strong Japanese YEN, it is a good time for you to go to the USA. Because it is better to study another lunguage when you are young and makes you easier to find a good job when you come back. This is very seriouse rearity you should consider.
About social support for your grandma, Japanese health insurance system for eldery is not good enough. There needs to be someone to be your grandma all the time either your mom or professional helper. Currently, hiring professional helper is more expensive than your budget for English study abroad. Also current available medicen for the Alzehymer is just effective to delay the excess of the syndrome. So if your granma had not started taking this medicen, you have to take your grandma to the hosdpital right away.
Secondly, there's what family member who live together must do. If the member of the family kept talking to your grandma all day, sympton can get better. The point is whatever your grandma talks, everybody needs to go along with her story and make her happy. You know, grandma knows that she is loosing her memory and what would be happening to her most. That is why everybody must go along with her story. If she says she doesn't have any problem, you have to say yes to your grandma. Please do not forget treating your grandma as a normal adult with pride. Anyway, that what we are doing to our mom and sha is better than before. Now she can do house chores herself and has many friends she can talk to.
As a subject for the conversation with your grandma, the best is the family photo albums and talk about them with your grandma everyday. Take her a walk if she can, go shopping and lunch together at least once a week because grandma has a fear to go out. I hope your grandma's sympton is good enough to do these. Even if not, do please try to do these.
Thurdly, if your grandma could not be graded worse as a patient
and if there is a person available to take her to the hospital once a month, Japanese health does not cover the cost for even taking your grandma to and from the hospital. The best is your sister would visit your grandma once a month to make your mom to go out for her joy. That is more practical plan for the elderly care in your case, if you may allow me to say.
As forth, ｗorst things to your grandma is that family member get hysterical and abusive to her as most of people taking care of the person like her do.　That would grately exceed your grandma's sympton, so in a way, your father taking care of her on weekend instead of your mom (at least one afternoon) is another way out. Men do not get hysterical compare to most of the women, especially if the one is own mother.
At last, give your grandma a lot of books to read regarding her reading ability. If she can read a book and talk about it later, that is really great treatment.
Well, this is a really long messsage and could hurt your feeling. But I just had to write this because I have been in similar situation. So if you are planning to come back during school holiday, I would like to recommend to invest on 2 laptop PC and skype. That is much more cheeper than the air tickets. Besids, there are many intensive English classes during school holiday so that I would like to invest on those courses instead of air tickets to Japan. Time flys!!! Best regards,

★Padme☆-san, your life in 20s is only once! For avoiding to have any regrets in your life, you shoud be honest with your feeling always! Have you talked with your mother about your concerns? Share your feeling with your family. Then, you will find out the best way to do in your life. Good luck!

You are worried about your mother, aren't you?
I have the similar experiece.
When I left home for the university in Tokyo, I felt the same way.

My mother was always complaining about my father.
She wouldn't know how the relationship between him and her would go after I left home.
I am only the person who makes their relationship good.
She would always tell me that it would go worse.
And the mood was not good.
So, I was a bit worried about them.
However, I left my parents, and went to the university.

And what I had done after I left home was I kept my affairs up to date with my parents on mobile phones, mails and letters everyday.
I scheduled to go back home when something happened.
It worked.
Anything bad didn't take place.

I suppose you don't have to be worried.
If there is a bond, it doesn't matter.
What's more, if you quitted going to university due to the reason, your mother would go more sad.
I know that she is pretty happy to hear the wonderful thing of yours.
You shouldn't destroy it.
I know she can get by as she does.
You wouldn't have to be worried.
Do what you should do right ahead of you.
Only that.

Padme-san,

Has there been any improvements with the situation??

I am sorry you are in such a difficult position.
There is only a little bit of information about you here, so I can only tell you what I think.
I agree with #2 だいはど-san, if I were you, I'd stay for my family.
But you are not leaving till Autumn, right?
There's still plenty of time if that's the case, so perhaps you can do something to make things better before then.

yo will never be young again.
but they will be the same.
so you have to get what you want.

GO FOR IT. Luck never hits twice.

Please remember, there will always be difficulties in families. Sometimes it seems as if you are irreplaceable in a family situation, but most times you are not. Your family will be able to take care of themselves for however long your study abroad is. You can call them, get Skype with local Japanese phone number and it will be a local call for your mom to talk to you.

But remember, you should live your own life, enjoy experiences, and learn as much as you can.

Padmeさん

I have been in a similar situation when I graduated high school.
I chose to stay with my mom in Japan.
Even though a part of me regrets not choosing my own life before anything, I know something good will come out of it eventually.

Maybe you should take your mom with you overseas? Hahah, i'm kidding.
But I know your mom will understand your decision.
Its really up to you to do whatever you want.