Friends in Shikoku!コミュのSelf-esteem

I have had two friends try to commit suicide since I have been in Matsuyama. One was a wealthy mother of three with a husband who she hates. I directly verbally attacked her and said, "how dare you take your life or even think about it when there are so many people who love you and depend on your love!!" She changed and made a seven year plan to finish her childrens school and leave her husband, but she started writing and doing something creative!!

The second was a young (19 year old) boy who had failed to pass an entrance exam in a university and was depressed about it!! This one was difficult because his father is the obosan at a temple and his mother is a strong woman. This young man is the oldest of 3 brothers. The mom told me about the fact that he had tried to take his life and then said that one of his friends who just graduated from a university in Osaka was coming and she asked me to give him a speach about how to work in America. His friend had graduated from film school and was going to America (New York) to start in the film business. It was a perfect opportunity to indirectly talk to the oldest son (the one who had tried to commit suicide). I was talking TO the friend who had graduated film school, but I was really directing the conversation to the oldest son. I told the young film maker that he was going to N Y to become a film maker and he would fail many many times. I said that was part of life. Try fail, try again fail again. I said that he may fail as many as 50 times, but the key here is to keep going back and try again and again. DON`T GIVE UP!!! Was the theme. Within a six month period, the oldest son had passed and enrolled into a good college in Tokyo and is there now.

Long stories, but positive feedback is what works here. Be strong and tell this young man that he IS strong and YOUNG and he has one chance here on this earth, and if there is something he doesn`t like, CHANGE IT!!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Life is change, go with it.

Thank you, 茶人san. The thing is, though, he's not suicidal. He does this to ease the pain or stress. That's the part I don't understand the most. And I think it's risky enough.

I told him, as his ex-teacher, that instead of cutting himself, he should find something or someone he can be crazy about. It could be embarrassing sometimes, because kids these days tend to think 一生懸命 is embarrasing. But who cares? I'm just me, nothing more, nothing less. And I hope he feels the same about himself.

I've heard "wrist-cutters" commit a thing like that partly because they want to confirm that they are truly ALIVE and really EXSISTING in this world. They have lost their confidence, or as you said, self-esteem for some reasons, and got panicked, depressed, and desperate. They do not have anything to rely on but themselves, and cutting the wrist and seeing the blood bleeding ease their anxieties. They actually do not want to die by this action; they just want to have firm evidence that they are ALIVE. But as you pointed out, the action causes to death more than sometimes.

I do not understand why they do like this; I hate pains at all. I cannot imagine I would hurt myself on purpose. Yes, I'm sure I never will. But, the fact is, there are some who hurt themselves deliberately and the important thing is the others somehow have to try to help those "wrist-cutters" out there. But how?

I guess communication is the key factor to solve this. In my opinion, those “wrist-cutters” seem to be short of the ability to talk to others on serious matters, and this might be because they have not encountered so far anybody whom they can trust to talk on personal concerns. So adults around them should try to listen to them, not just scold or stop the action, but keep clearly and strongly showing a “no matter what happens, we would be on your side” attitude. For me, having people who care about me and knowing of the fact cheer me up the most. So even though it would take long, I believe this could melt the stone-cold heart of the “wrist-cutters” and could help them out from their suffering. I really agree with Chardo-san on the point that giving positive feedback INdirectly will do and hikatan-san must have encouraged the boy by telling there is at least one person who really cares him.