面白い英語のジョークを見つけたら、みんなで share して笑おう！ というトピです。
どの辺がツボにはまったかをコメントすると、さらに盛り上がると思いますよ！
それでは、まず私から…
Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and a backup happened to your commode!
Cut- you did with a pocket knife
Paste- you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
どの辺がツボにはまったかをコメントすると、さらに盛り上がると思いますよ！
それでは、まず私から…
Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and a backup happened to your commode!
Cut- you did with a pocket knife
Paste- you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
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コメント(1000)
Joke of the day:
One day there was a rabbit and a snake who were both growing old and could not remember what animal they were.
"OK, I'll describe you and then see if you can guess what you are." said the snake.
"That's a good idea." said the rabbit.
"You are white, fluffy, and you have big ears and feet." said the snake.
"Oh good, I'm a rabbit!
So the rabbit said, "You are long, slim, and have a forked tongue."
The snake responded, "Oh NO, I'm a lawyer!"
One day there was a rabbit and a snake who were both growing old and could not remember what animal they were.
"OK, I'll describe you and then see if you can guess what you are." said the snake.
"That's a good idea." said the rabbit.
"You are white, fluffy, and you have big ears and feet." said the snake.
"Oh good, I'm a rabbit!
So the rabbit said, "You are long, slim, and have a forked tongue."
The snake responded, "Oh NO, I'm a lawyer!"
#962
お，弁護士モノですね。好き
lol
では、私も。。。既出だったらゴメンナサイ。
さて
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
'I think I'm the most intelligent woman in the world'
and Poof !!!! ...it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
’I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world'
and Poof!!!!...it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blonde walked into the bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
'I think...'
POOF!!! ... immediately, it sucked her in.
お，弁護士モノですね。好き
lol
では、私も。。。既出だったらゴメンナサイ。
さて
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
'I think I'm the most intelligent woman in the world'
and Poof !!!! ...it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
’I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world'
and Poof!!!!...it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blonde walked into the bar.
She walked up to the mirror and said
'I think...'
POOF!!! ... immediately, it sucked her in.
Joke of the day:
Three girls walk into a bar; a brunette a red head and a green haired girl. The bar tender asks the brunette how she keeps her hair so brown.
The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural it's natural.
Then the bar tender asks the red head how she keeps her hair so red. She combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural, it's natural.
Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair and says, "Its natural, its natural."
Three girls walk into a bar; a brunette a red head and a green haired girl. The bar tender asks the brunette how she keeps her hair so brown.
The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural it's natural.
Then the bar tender asks the red head how she keeps her hair so red. She combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural, it's natural.
Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair and says, "Its natural, its natural."
Joke of the day (FIRST TIME):
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy and it will be his first time.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are already seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious..."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy and it will be his first time.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are already seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious..."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Joke of the day:
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer it.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she said into the phone, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer it.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she said into the phone, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
Joke of the day (What men really mean):
1. Haven't I seen you before? = Nice ass
2. I'm a Romantic = I'm poor
3. I need you = My hand is tired
4. I am different from all the other guys = I am not circumcised
5. I want a commitment = I'm sick of masturbation
6. You're the only girl I've ever cared about = You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me
7. I really want to get to know you better = So I can tell my friends about it
8. It's just orange juice, try it = 3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head
9. She's kinda cute = I want to have sex with her till I am blue
10. I don't know if I like her = She won't sleep with me
11. I miss you so much = I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good
12. Was it good for you? = I'm insecure about my manhood
13. How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? = Is my penis really that small
14. I had a wonderful time last night = Who the hell are you
15. Do you love me? = I've done something stupid and you might find out
16. Do you 'really' love me? = I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later
17. How much do you love me? = I've done something really stupid and someone's on his/her way to tell you about it now
18. I have something to tell you = Get tested
19. I'll give you a call = I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again
20. I've been thinking a lot = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk
21. I think we should just be friends = You're ugly
22. I've learned a lot from you = Next
1. Haven't I seen you before? = Nice ass
2. I'm a Romantic = I'm poor
3. I need you = My hand is tired
4. I am different from all the other guys = I am not circumcised
5. I want a commitment = I'm sick of masturbation
6. You're the only girl I've ever cared about = You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me
7. I really want to get to know you better = So I can tell my friends about it
8. It's just orange juice, try it = 3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head
9. She's kinda cute = I want to have sex with her till I am blue
10. I don't know if I like her = She won't sleep with me
11. I miss you so much = I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good
12. Was it good for you? = I'm insecure about my manhood
13. How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? = Is my penis really that small
14. I had a wonderful time last night = Who the hell are you
15. Do you love me? = I've done something stupid and you might find out
16. Do you 'really' love me? = I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later
17. How much do you love me? = I've done something really stupid and someone's on his/her way to tell you about it now
18. I have something to tell you = Get tested
19. I'll give you a call = I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again
20. I've been thinking a lot = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk
21. I think we should just be friends = You're ugly
22. I've learned a lot from you = Next
#968.... LOL!! 
今日はこちらも聞いたものを...弁護士モノとヴァージンの混合です。
===
A lawyer and a woman fell in love, and decided to get married.
On their wedding night they settled into their bridal suite,
the bride said to her new groom. "Please be gentle...I am still a virgin."
Puzzled, a lawyer asked "How can that be? You've been married ten times!!"
The bride, then responded...
"Well, my husband #1, he was a sales rep.
He kept telling how great it would be.
My husband #2 was in software services.
He was never sure how it was supposed to function,
but he said he would look into it and would get back to me.
My husband #3 was from a field services.
He checked everything diagnostically,
but he never could get the system up.
My husband #4 was a telemarketer.
Even though he knew he had the order,
he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
My husband #5 was an engineer.
He understood the basic process, but he wanted 3 years
to research, implement, and design a state-of-the-art method
My husband #6 was from finance and administration.
He thought he knew how, but was not sure if that is his job or not.
My husband #7 was in marketing.
He sure had a nice product, but he did not know how to position it.
"My husband #8 was a he was a psychiatrist.
All he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My husband #9 was a gynecologist
All he did was to look at it.
My husband #10 was a stamp collector,
and all he ever wanted to do was......
MY GOD I MISS HIM!!!
But now it is over, and I am married to you and I am really excited."
"Good," said a lawyer "but why?"
"Because you are a lawyer, dear," said she" I know I am gonna get screwed"
今日はこちらも聞いたものを...弁護士モノとヴァージンの混合です。
===
A lawyer and a woman fell in love, and decided to get married.
On their wedding night they settled into their bridal suite,
the bride said to her new groom. "Please be gentle...I am still a virgin."
Puzzled, a lawyer asked "How can that be? You've been married ten times!!"
The bride, then responded...
"Well, my husband #1, he was a sales rep.
He kept telling how great it would be.
My husband #2 was in software services.
He was never sure how it was supposed to function,
but he said he would look into it and would get back to me.
My husband #3 was from a field services.
He checked everything diagnostically,
but he never could get the system up.
My husband #4 was a telemarketer.
Even though he knew he had the order,
he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
My husband #5 was an engineer.
He understood the basic process, but he wanted 3 years
to research, implement, and design a state-of-the-art method
My husband #6 was from finance and administration.
He thought he knew how, but was not sure if that is his job or not.
My husband #7 was in marketing.
He sure had a nice product, but he did not know how to position it.
"My husband #8 was a he was a psychiatrist.
All he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My husband #9 was a gynecologist
All he did was to look at it.
My husband #10 was a stamp collector,
and all he ever wanted to do was......
MY GOD I MISS HIM!!!
But now it is over, and I am married to you and I am really excited."
"Good," said a lawyer "but why?"
"Because you are a lawyer, dear," said she" I know I am gonna get screwed"
This one is so cute!
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, "Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!"
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, "Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!"
Best Manの引っかけですね。
Our best man ...
our team's #1 player というのと、
our best man at our wedding... 結婚式の花婿側の介添えですね。
ご覧の皆様方，お判りの方も居られると思いますが，
コチラの結婚式は日本式のお仲人は置きません。
花婿，花嫁、共に自分の信頼の置ける人物を介添えとして立てて，
彼らが結婚式の式次第や，シャワー、やパーティー等をとり行って行きます。
花婿側の介添えを a best man
そしてその補佐役が an usher
花嫁側の介添えを a maid of honor（既婚女性であれば、a matron of honor)
その補佐役を a bridesmaid
と言います。
Kent " Was your wife a virgin when you got married ?"
Larry " I don't know. Some says yes, some says no."
John " I am a man of few words"
Don " I am married, too"
Our best man ...
our team's #1 player というのと、
our best man at our wedding... 結婚式の花婿側の介添えですね。
ご覧の皆様方，お判りの方も居られると思いますが，
コチラの結婚式は日本式のお仲人は置きません。
花婿，花嫁、共に自分の信頼の置ける人物を介添えとして立てて，
彼らが結婚式の式次第や，シャワー、やパーティー等をとり行って行きます。
花婿側の介添えを a best man
そしてその補佐役が an usher
花嫁側の介添えを a maid of honor（既婚女性であれば、a matron of honor)
その補佐役を a bridesmaid
と言います。
Kent " Was your wife a virgin when you got married ?"
Larry " I don't know. Some says yes, some says no."
John " I am a man of few words"
Don " I am married, too"
１）
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
＝＝＝
２）
”Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
＝＝＝
３）
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?"
"Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?"
The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
＝＝＝
２）
”Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.
＝＝＝
３）
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?"
"Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?"
The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
> 973: Jan さま
ジョークを３つも有難う御座いました。 面白かったです。
Joke of the day:
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.
The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup.
The doctor says, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman replies, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
ジョークを３つも有難う御座いました。 面白かったです。
Joke of the day:
An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.
The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup.
The doctor says, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman replies, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
975 LoveToPointさん、
あ、２番目のジョークに、別のジョークの頭がくっ付いています。
これ、書こうと思っていて、中途を忘れちゃって。。。
消し忘れました。
スミマセン。
ボケがこんな所まで進んできました。。。
974番...オソロカシイですね〜、lol !!!
良く有るんですよ〜。。。
元の患者さんなんですが、これがピッタリ！
「皆が何を考えとるか良〜く判った。フフフ。。。これから弁護士と話すんだよ」
人生の達人、と申せましょうか。
何の為の弁護士さんだったかは、聞き漏らしました。
A young lady came home from a date rather sad.
She told her mother, "He proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell!" Her mother replied with a smile.
"Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
＝＝＝
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist,
who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
"I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer,” the man said, “I just wanted to say …"
"I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" said the officer.
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
あ、２番目のジョークに、別のジョークの頭がくっ付いています。
これ、書こうと思っていて、中途を忘れちゃって。。。
消し忘れました。
スミマセン。
ボケがこんな所まで進んできました。。。
974番...オソロカシイですね〜、lol !!!
良く有るんですよ〜。。。
元の患者さんなんですが、これがピッタリ！
「皆が何を考えとるか良〜く判った。フフフ。。。これから弁護士と話すんだよ」
人生の達人、と申せましょうか。
何の為の弁護士さんだったかは、聞き漏らしました。
A young lady came home from a date rather sad.
She told her mother, "He proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell!" Her mother replied with a smile.
"Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
＝＝＝
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist,
who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
"I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer,” the man said, “I just wanted to say …"
"I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" said the officer.
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Joke of the day:
It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?" The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at McDonald's!"
It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?" The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at McDonald's!"
> 979: さんちゃん さま
> 数学はLoveさまの専門分野ですか？
はい、高周波回路の設計で、特に電波の放射電力などを計算する時にはその数学が分からないとチンプンカンプンでしたので、指にペンだこが出来るまで学生時代にやりましたが、今はハンドヘルドの計算機がやってくれますよね。（笑）
> 凪や時化のように波はあるのでしょうが、、。
世界中と比較すると、ソーシャル・ネットワーキング・サービスの中で一番大きいヤツは "Facebook" で、その次に "Twitter" でしょうかね。
> また足跡機能が変わってしまったことも一因かなと思ったりもします。
そうですね、足跡帳の機能変更に関しては賛否両論があったとは思いますが、新しいヤツが画期的で誰が見ても素晴しいモノであれば、何の問題も残らなかったでしょう。 もしそうでなければ、古い機能を残してそれを上手く利用出来るような方法を取らないと利用者は戸惑います。
> 数学はLoveさまの専門分野ですか？
はい、高周波回路の設計で、特に電波の放射電力などを計算する時にはその数学が分からないとチンプンカンプンでしたので、指にペンだこが出来るまで学生時代にやりましたが、今はハンドヘルドの計算機がやってくれますよね。（笑）
> 凪や時化のように波はあるのでしょうが、、。
世界中と比較すると、ソーシャル・ネットワーキング・サービスの中で一番大きいヤツは "Facebook" で、その次に "Twitter" でしょうかね。
> また足跡機能が変わってしまったことも一因かなと思ったりもします。
そうですね、足跡帳の機能変更に関しては賛否両論があったとは思いますが、新しいヤツが画期的で誰が見ても素晴しいモノであれば、何の問題も残らなかったでしょう。 もしそうでなければ、古い機能を残してそれを上手く利用出来るような方法を取らないと利用者は戸惑います。
Joke of the day:
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
A true story of Lee Trevino
This should bring a chuckle to many of you who have heard of Lee Trevino; a retired professional golfer.
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?"
Lee responded, "Yes ma'am, I do".
The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?"
Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."
The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
This should bring a chuckle to many of you who have heard of Lee Trevino; a retired professional golfer.
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.
A lady driving a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?"
Lee responded, "Yes ma'am, I do".
The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?"
Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her."
The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.
Haha. I like those jokes between husband and wife, but they are always being like that in western jokes.
Btw, I vaguely remember very funny communication between boy and girl at university in UK. That was an assignment from literature class and says write a novel by text massaging between a boy and girl, like the girl starts text an intro to him and he replies back with continued story. They screwed in so funny way.
Ahggg I don't remember where the source is... does anyone know about that post? I saw that post in a thread somewhere....
Btw, I vaguely remember very funny communication between boy and girl at university in UK. That was an assignment from literature class and says write a novel by text massaging between a boy and girl, like the girl starts text an intro to him and he replies back with continued story. They screwed in so funny way.
Ahggg I don't remember where the source is... does anyone know about that post? I saw that post in a thread somewhere....
> 986: Hiro さま
あっ、それ読んだ記憶があります。 確か、男生徒が書いた言葉の中に新語や造語を混ぜて女生徒を皮肉った内容に腹を立て、人種差別だーと怒ってしまったヤツだったと思いますが、それでしょうか？
Joke of the day:
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "No, just the regular kind."
あっ、それ読んだ記憶があります。 確か、男生徒が書いた言葉の中に新語や造語を混ぜて女生徒を皮肉った内容に腹を立て、人種差別だーと怒ってしまったヤツだったと思いますが、それでしょうか？
Joke of the day:
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "No, just the regular kind."
> 991: Wacky さま
和訳を有難うございます。 やはり、ビリーが "Honest?" と聞く所がパンチラインを誘っていますね。
Joke of the day:
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't? I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch. September came by, so for my wife's birthday I bought her an iRon. It was around then that the fight started... What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This unfortunately activated the iNag app. Which led me to the iHospital and iGet out Thursday.
和訳を有難うございます。 やはり、ビリーが "Honest?" と聞く所がパンチラインを誘っていますね。
Joke of the day:
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't? I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch. September came by, so for my wife's birthday I bought her an iRon. It was around then that the fight started... What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This unfortunately activated the iNag app. Which led me to the iHospital and iGet out Thursday.
993を日本語にするのは難しい。一応訳したけど、アップするほどのものではないので、無し。
iRon を使う文脈を発見したところが、肝でしょうね。
女性軽視ジョークのパターン。以下同じパターン。
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm.
The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning.
The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die.
At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?"
She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he aproaches her, he takes off his shirt.
She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?"
Eagerly, she shakes her head, Yes!
As the man hands her his shirt, he says, "Here. Iron this."
iRon を使う文脈を発見したところが、肝でしょうね。
女性軽視ジョークのパターン。以下同じパターン。
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm.
The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning.
The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die.
At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?"
She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he aproaches her, he takes off his shirt.
She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?"
Eagerly, she shakes her head, Yes!
As the man hands her his shirt, he says, "Here. Iron this."
私のFBにシェアされた話です。
ジョークとは言えませんが、トピを上げがてらコピペしますね。
A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her sea...t and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man.
Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.
"What's the problem, ma?" the hostess asked her
"Can't you see?" the lady said - "I was given a seat next to a black man. I can't seat here next to him. You have to change my seat"
- "Please, calm down, ma" - said the hostess "Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I'm still going to check if we have any."
The hostess left and returned some minutes later.
"Madam, as I told you, there isn't any empty seat in this class- economy class. But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn't any empty seats in the economy class. We only have seats in the first class."
And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued
"Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class. However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person."
And turning to the black man, the hostess said:
"Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class..."
And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet."
ジョークとは言えませんが、トピを上げがてらコピペしますね。
A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her sea...t and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man.
Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.
"What's the problem, ma?" the hostess asked her
"Can't you see?" the lady said - "I was given a seat next to a black man. I can't seat here next to him. You have to change my seat"
- "Please, calm down, ma" - said the hostess "Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I'm still going to check if we have any."
The hostess left and returned some minutes later.
"Madam, as I told you, there isn't any empty seat in this class- economy class. But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn't any empty seats in the economy class. We only have seats in the first class."
And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued
"Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class. However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person."
And turning to the black man, the hostess said:
"Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class..."
And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet."
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