Hi Hajimemashite. I'm かなへぃ.
I want advice from youguys to cheer up my friend.
My Canadian friend who lives in Japan is really
depressed at the moment...
He came to Japan to get married to his Japanese
girlfriend.
Then he's been in Japan for about one year now.
He says..
「 Im depressed.. i guess i dont feel i can learn
Japanese.. i feel like all my work at [his previous
work in Canada] was wasted..
i feel like i cant do anything in Japan
i dont have many friends like in Canada..
i dunno i just dont feel good..
i think im mean to [his wife] sometimes too... 」
I guess some of youguys have felt the same way as him..
I'd very appreciate it if some of you could tell me
how you got over the situations.
I really want to cheer him up.. But I dont know
what to tell him..
maybe because Im Japanese nd i cant be in his shoes..
Could youguys give me some advice to bear him up?
hope he can get Genki soon..
I want advice from youguys to cheer up my friend.
My Canadian friend who lives in Japan is really
depressed at the moment...
He came to Japan to get married to his Japanese
girlfriend.
Then he's been in Japan for about one year now.
He says..
「 Im depressed.. i guess i dont feel i can learn
Japanese.. i feel like all my work at [his previous
work in Canada] was wasted..
i feel like i cant do anything in Japan
i dont have many friends like in Canada..
i dunno i just dont feel good..
i think im mean to [his wife] sometimes too... 」
I guess some of youguys have felt the same way as him..
I'd very appreciate it if some of you could tell me
how you got over the situations.
I really want to cheer him up.. But I dont know
what to tell him..
maybe because Im Japanese nd i cant be in his shoes..
Could youguys give me some advice to bear him up?
hope he can get Genki soon..
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コメント(23)
People will often go through culture shock when
they move to a new country. Ultimately it's
something he needs to deal with himself. I don't
know if there is a Canadian pub or restaurant
anywhere near where you are, but if there is you
could take him out to dinner. Find out where the
expat community hangs out and take him there.
Sometimes just hearing your own accent is enough
to lift your spirits.
If you can contact some of his friends or family
in Canada, get them to do a video-message to him.
Just stuff like "still thinking of you, wish you
were here, etc. etc."
If none of these are appropriate, I'd probably
keep him busy. If it was me, I'd really wear him
out. Don't give him time to be depressed...of course
this can also wear you out.
One other option is the Canadian consulate will
probably have a reading room where you can read
Canadian newspapers and even watch Canadian tv /
vids. It might be worth checking out.
they move to a new country. Ultimately it's
something he needs to deal with himself. I don't
know if there is a Canadian pub or restaurant
anywhere near where you are, but if there is you
could take him out to dinner. Find out where the
expat community hangs out and take him there.
Sometimes just hearing your own accent is enough
to lift your spirits.
If you can contact some of his friends or family
in Canada, get them to do a video-message to him.
Just stuff like "still thinking of you, wish you
were here, etc. etc."
If none of these are appropriate, I'd probably
keep him busy. If it was me, I'd really wear him
out. Don't give him time to be depressed...of course
this can also wear you out.
One other option is the Canadian consulate will
probably have a reading room where you can read
Canadian newspapers and even watch Canadian tv /
vids. It might be worth checking out.
My first first year in Japan went by super fast....
I know I was sort of depressed off and on even though I was busy. I had no gaijin friends then so I learned japanese fast because I had to.
If your friend doesnt speak Japanese well then chances are he is wasting time learning the writing and reading. First he should just learn to speak and listen.
he can read later.
and if he is lonely for foreign company he can email me.
I have lots of gaijin friends, Canadian too and he is welcome to join us for a drink anytime.
I know I was sort of depressed off and on even though I was busy. I had no gaijin friends then so I learned japanese fast because I had to.
If your friend doesnt speak Japanese well then chances are he is wasting time learning the writing and reading. First he should just learn to speak and listen.
he can read later.
and if he is lonely for foreign company he can email me.
I have lots of gaijin friends, Canadian too and he is welcome to join us for a drink anytime.
I think Emotional Crisis kinda things usually dont last so long, but it's somehow what happens to everyone, or everyone is supposed to go thru, who tries to settle down in a foreign country.
He shouldnt expect everything to be the same way as how things are back in his country. Things should be different and difficult. I have lived in many countries and regions b/c of my parents' work, and none of those relocation was the same or easy. At least he(your friend) has the wife to turn to, right??
Nothing you have done is a waste. You live and die with reasons. Everything happens for a reason. Life is fruitful b/c it comes along with ups and downs. 大変だけど、今が頑張り時だと思う。
He shouldnt expect everything to be the same way as how things are back in his country. Things should be different and difficult. I have lived in many countries and regions b/c of my parents' work, and none of those relocation was the same or easy. At least he(your friend) has the wife to turn to, right??
Nothing you have done is a waste. You live and die with reasons. Everything happens for a reason. Life is fruitful b/c it comes along with ups and downs. 大変だけど、今が頑張り時だと思う。
Sometimes, it is associated with a bad weather,too.
it must be difficult not knowing the language.
Taking out on his wife is not a good sign.
I didn't know much English when I fist came to America, but I was never emotionally depressed because coming to America was my decision.
If he feels like he came to Japan just for his wife, I think they may want to consider the other option as going back to Canada,at least for now.
it must be difficult not knowing the language.
Taking out on his wife is not a good sign.
I didn't know much English when I fist came to America, but I was never emotionally depressed because coming to America was my decision.
If he feels like he came to Japan just for his wife, I think they may want to consider the other option as going back to Canada,at least for now.
＞rajio, Archangel, n Asian Quongju
Youguys are really cool!
I'm so glad to have been in this community..
Thanx a million for telling me your stories
and giving me(him) advice.
I wanna try to cheer him up referring the advice.
I really didnt know what to do cuz he's usually
すごい Genki nd positive...But He suddenly got
depressed..
He even says he feels he has no purpose..no reason
...no will.
I'm very sorry for him.
He always bears me up nd makes me Genki whenever
Im feeling down.
guess this's my turn to cheer him up.
Thank you very much again☆
Youguys are really cool!
I'm so glad to have been in this community..
Thanx a million for telling me your stories
and giving me(him) advice.
I wanna try to cheer him up referring the advice.
I really didnt know what to do cuz he's usually
すごい Genki nd positive...But He suddenly got
depressed..
He even says he feels he has no purpose..no reason
...no will.
I'm very sorry for him.
He always bears me up nd makes me Genki whenever
Im feeling down.
guess this's my turn to cheer him up.
Thank you very much again☆
It really depends on what level of depression.
If it "just feeling down" , bring out to party or
something like that
If it going into severe depression , get him on a plane
back to Canada
Had a friend in severe depression and biggest mistake was
keeping him in japan (and he spoke ?fluent? japanese)
Never want to go thru that nightmare again...
Happily friend is a lot better now
If it "just feeling down" , bring out to party or
something like that
If it going into severe depression , get him on a plane
back to Canada
Had a friend in severe depression and biggest mistake was
keeping him in japan (and he spoke ?fluent? japanese)
Never want to go thru that nightmare again...
Happily friend is a lot better now
＞teejay n naughton
Thank you for your advice☆
He really liked his job in Canada n always
had a chance to advance.
But now he's teaching English n its not the work
he wants..
I want him to relax more nd make a small progress day
by day...little by little. He thinks too much..
he was doing really well at his previous work in
Canada... But he had to quit to come to Japan..
guess that's why..he's really depressed in Japan.
I dunno if he can really go back to Canada.
He's married n his wife doesnt wanna live in Canada.
guess its really hard for him.
I think they have a pretty good relationship.
His wife's really nice nd smart.
well..But his wife's a lot older than him nd he usually
defers to her..
Im not sure if he tells her about his real feelings.
hmmm... its always difficult for me to find proper
words when he tells me bout his situation...:(
Thanx a lot.. I'm so glad that there're many ppl who
can understand his situation way better than me.
Arigatou Ippai for your consideration
＞indie hunk
aw.. hope Ull get better soon too.
I think "Time" always settels down problems.
maybe you will be thinking more positively
after a month.
がんばってください☆
＞kei
oh "I" wanna go to China☆☆
Arigatou for your comment
Thank you for your advice☆
He really liked his job in Canada n always
had a chance to advance.
But now he's teaching English n its not the work
he wants..
I want him to relax more nd make a small progress day
by day...little by little. He thinks too much..
he was doing really well at his previous work in
Canada... But he had to quit to come to Japan..
guess that's why..he's really depressed in Japan.
I dunno if he can really go back to Canada.
He's married n his wife doesnt wanna live in Canada.
guess its really hard for him.
I think they have a pretty good relationship.
His wife's really nice nd smart.
well..But his wife's a lot older than him nd he usually
defers to her..
Im not sure if he tells her about his real feelings.
hmmm... its always difficult for me to find proper
words when he tells me bout his situation...:(
Thanx a lot.. I'm so glad that there're many ppl who
can understand his situation way better than me.
Arigatou Ippai for your consideration
＞indie hunk
aw.. hope Ull get better soon too.
I think "Time" always settels down problems.
maybe you will be thinking more positively
after a month.
がんばってください☆
＞kei
oh "I" wanna go to China☆☆
Arigatou for your comment
I agree with teejay.
He must feel kind of left out because he cannot speak the language. He might try to speak and listen first, just like Archangel says.
Also, he and his wife should try to make maybe two travels a year back to Canada. Leaving everything behind is hard, even if you are leaving it for your wife. It's even more difficult because he loved his work back in Canada and was progressing steadily. Know he must feel kind of useless.
If she doesn't want to live in Canada, that's fine, however, she must understand that, by marrying a Canadian, she was bound to Canada the day she married. Her husband WILL need to go back every once in a while.
A year is not enough to learn much of a language. Although he should know at least the most basic forms of sentences at the least. I think he will need another year to be able to speak it better.
He should really try not to take it against his wife. He may be uncounsciously blaming her for his problem. This is wrong. It was his decision to marry her and live in Japan. This might sound harsh, but it's the fact. Right now, she is the best he has to carry on. He must search for her support. Of course, she must be undestanding. If her husband feels bad, she must do all she can to help him.
I have never been in such a situation and cannot imagine how it must be for him.
Let him know he can send me a message. I'm not Japanese nor Canadian, but let me know if I can be of any help.
I hope your friend gets better!
Ja ne!
He must feel kind of left out because he cannot speak the language. He might try to speak and listen first, just like Archangel says.
Also, he and his wife should try to make maybe two travels a year back to Canada. Leaving everything behind is hard, even if you are leaving it for your wife. It's even more difficult because he loved his work back in Canada and was progressing steadily. Know he must feel kind of useless.
If she doesn't want to live in Canada, that's fine, however, she must understand that, by marrying a Canadian, she was bound to Canada the day she married. Her husband WILL need to go back every once in a while.
A year is not enough to learn much of a language. Although he should know at least the most basic forms of sentences at the least. I think he will need another year to be able to speak it better.
He should really try not to take it against his wife. He may be uncounsciously blaming her for his problem. This is wrong. It was his decision to marry her and live in Japan. This might sound harsh, but it's the fact. Right now, she is the best he has to carry on. He must search for her support. Of course, she must be undestanding. If her husband feels bad, she must do all she can to help him.
I have never been in such a situation and cannot imagine how it must be for him.
Let him know he can send me a message. I'm not Japanese nor Canadian, but let me know if I can be of any help.
I hope your friend gets better!
Ja ne!
Your friend needs something to get motivated to learn Japanese again. This is a kind of phase every man experiences when learning a foreign language and that doesn't mean he has to feel so lonely and desperate. Tell him not to think learning Japanese a duty and make her girlfriend learn some English also. This will make him feel that he's not alone to struggle for a languge and you just keep encouraging him to go for a walk, work out or do something to get him out of his room if he has been locking up himself at home. But make sure you don't sympathise him too much. It can lead to deeper depression feeling he cannot manage his own affair on his own at all.
Whatz his girl has been doing for him???
She is the only source he can get out of the depression.
Tell her to be his side as many time as she can.
Just make him happy by any mean possible.
Hope whatever I adviced will work...cheers
Whatz his girl has been doing for him???
She is the only source he can get out of the depression.
Tell her to be his side as many time as she can.
Just make him happy by any mean possible.
Hope whatever I adviced will work...cheers
Thanx to エフレン n 在印Korean
yea..I also think he should go back to Canada
once in a while..see his family n friends.
I think his wife's beeing supportive for him.
But I dun think she can really understand his
situation...its maybe difficult.
She's Japanese, can speak English really well,
works very hard (すごい career woman)..
well, I feel their partnership's Good though.
hmmm... He makes a plan all the time. nd he had
a plan for his future in Canada..But now since
he came to Japan he can't make any plan.....he says.
As you said, it was his decision to marry her n live
in Japan. so should've expected he'd got into this
kind of situation....well it's not so easy though.
He's always home alone...thats also one of the causes
of his depression.
His wife's out most of the time meeting friends or her
sister. I dunno why he doesnt go with her though.
＞But make sure you don't sympathise him too much. It can lead to deeper depression feeling he cannot manage his own affair on his own at all.
oh thanx for this↑ advice.
i didnt realize it.. ill try not to sympathise him too
much n be cheerful with him.
hope he'll think more positively n get happier.
Thanx a lot for your advice
Another suggestion might be to join a sporting
team or to do a martial art. I think volley ball
or badminton are pretty good choices. Both can
be played in mixed teams and both cater to people
of varying skill levels.
I think the benefit of sport is that it can give
him a sense of belonging and value.
(on an unrelated note....I have a Yonex Carbonex
badminton racket which has never been used. I
train in the martial arts 4 nights a week now
and I no longer have the time to play badminton.
I'd really like to give it to someone who can
use it. So if you want a really good badminton
racket for free -- I'll even post it to you --
drop me a line.)
I can understand your friend's feeling quite well. I am Japanese but I had lived in a foreing country and felt just the same as your friend.
The language difficulty and cultual gap are pretty tough to overcome. It seems lot harder for a Canadian to adjust to Japan than otherway around as Japan is such unique country that doesn't accept foreigners easily.
The practical advises that I can think of are:
-Take him to pubs where foreigners gathers. If you and your friends are living in Tokyo, there are many. Talking in his native may help him to feel better. Also in some pubs, English commedy shows are held.
-Talk to him that living in Japan are only temporary. In my experience, "Permanently living overseas" made me deppressed. No one knows what's happening in the future. Just to enjoy temporary stay in one of asian country.
-Find a way of his better career path practically. I am not sure what he was doing in Canada. But Tokyo is such a cosmoporitan city. I am pretty sure even though he doesn't speak any English, he still can find jobs other than English teacher. ( I think English Teacher is good work though) Some job agents are worth to try.
I guess this summers Japan's heat make people feel down. Hope he feels better by cool autum:)
you also need to find out if the problem is there due to his wife's attitude towards him (if there is a problem you have to look at it from all angles)...
I have heard lots of cases where after marriage the japanese females tell a lots of dos and donts to thier foreigner husbands. They always say that this is not how it happens in japan and snatch away the originality from the individual even though it is nothing bad the guy is doing...net net foreign husband harrasment...
coz I really cannot understand that how a person who is in luv and has married this person can get so depressed. The wife should also make efforts to teach him Japanese....
Regarding getting homesick...well well ..if you are in tokyo or Osaka...there are bazillions of places for any nationality to hang out and feel comfortable..
unfortunately the canadian bar in shibuya Maple Leaf shut down recently ..but there are lots of Irish/British pubs..
I have heard lots of cases where after marriage the japanese females tell a lots of dos and donts to thier foreigner husbands. They always say that this is not how it happens in japan and snatch away the originality from the individual even though it is nothing bad the guy is doing...net net foreign husband harrasment...
coz I really cannot understand that how a person who is in luv and has married this person can get so depressed. The wife should also make efforts to teach him Japanese....
Regarding getting homesick...well well ..if you are in tokyo or Osaka...there are bazillions of places for any nationality to hang out and feel comfortable..
unfortunately the canadian bar in shibuya Maple Leaf shut down recently ..but there are lots of Irish/British pubs..
＞rajio
oh Good One!!
I think joining a sporting team is a Great way
to make friends n release stress:D!!
That's what I did in Canada!
Thanx for your nice idea☆
well, I dunno if he likes to play badminton.
he used to play American football.
also he likes martial arts like you 2!!;P ;P
anyway, Arigatou a lot for your consideration
＞paw
Thank you for telling me your story n giving me
advice!!
【"Permanently living overseas" made me deppressed. No one knows what's happening in the future.】
↑YES!!! i think that's exactly what makes him
depressed..
He says he can't make any plans for his future..
【Just to enjoy temporary stay in one of asian country.
】
↑hope he can think more positively like what
you said..
I'll try to make him feel more relaxed;)
maybe if he could be a bit more Happy-go-lucky,
it brings him some motivation too..
it sounds strange But yea..he thinks too much:@
Thanx to you
＞abhi marx
Thank you for your comment!!
well....i think their relationship's quite well.
umm but right, i dunno much about it cos its a bit
difficult to ask him bout their married life:@
he says she's being very supportive...But He's home
ALONE all the time except when he's at work.
i dun think i can tell his wife to do those things..
But ill try to ask him bout it ちょっと euphemistically.
nd yep☆ there're many Irish n British pubs where
he lives. gotta take him there drinking
ありがとうございます
oh Good One!!
I think joining a sporting team is a Great way
to make friends n release stress:D!!
That's what I did in Canada!
Thanx for your nice idea☆
well, I dunno if he likes to play badminton.
he used to play American football.
also he likes martial arts like you 2!!;P ;P
anyway, Arigatou a lot for your consideration
＞paw
Thank you for telling me your story n giving me
advice!!
【"Permanently living overseas" made me deppressed. No one knows what's happening in the future.】
↑YES!!! i think that's exactly what makes him
depressed..
He says he can't make any plans for his future..
【Just to enjoy temporary stay in one of asian country.
】
↑hope he can think more positively like what
you said..
I'll try to make him feel more relaxed;)
maybe if he could be a bit more Happy-go-lucky,
it brings him some motivation too..
it sounds strange But yea..he thinks too much:@
Thanx to you
＞abhi marx
Thank you for your comment!!
well....i think their relationship's quite well.
umm but right, i dunno much about it cos its a bit
difficult to ask him bout their married life:@
he says she's being very supportive...But He's home
ALONE all the time except when he's at work.
i dun think i can tell his wife to do those things..
But ill try to ask him bout it ちょっと euphemistically.
nd yep☆ there're many Irish n British pubs where
he lives. gotta take him there drinking
ありがとうございます
Some good advice, but nothing really goes to the core of the issue.
It sounds to be like he has jumped head first into a situation he hasn't through through, and now is finding himself overwhelmed.
Sounds like stock standard depression from "culture shock", or "Japan sucks more than Canada" syndrome. Lets face it, you come over, know only a handful of people and everyone else speaks a totally foreign language - thats harsh. Going out for a drink or a bit of fun might be alright, but its not going to help the rest of the time. Rajio is right, doing a martial art or sport (preferably where there is no foreigners - he wants to get used to things, thats the best way to do it).
Going from a good job to being an English teaching monkey is not good either. Depending on what it was he did he might be able to do it here if he wants to put in the extra effort to get started.
Best thing to do is for him to throw himself further down the rabbit hole. He's here, he has a chance. Study Japanese. Spend more time around Japanese. Immerse yourself fully and keep busy. I'm in northern Tokyo (Akabane way, really its Kawaguchi, Saitama), if he's close, drop me a message)
It sounds to be like he has jumped head first into a situation he hasn't through through, and now is finding himself overwhelmed.
Sounds like stock standard depression from "culture shock", or "Japan sucks more than Canada" syndrome. Lets face it, you come over, know only a handful of people and everyone else speaks a totally foreign language - thats harsh. Going out for a drink or a bit of fun might be alright, but its not going to help the rest of the time. Rajio is right, doing a martial art or sport (preferably where there is no foreigners - he wants to get used to things, thats the best way to do it).
Going from a good job to being an English teaching monkey is not good either. Depending on what it was he did he might be able to do it here if he wants to put in the extra effort to get started.
Best thing to do is for him to throw himself further down the rabbit hole. He's here, he has a chance. Study Japanese. Spend more time around Japanese. Immerse yourself fully and keep busy. I'm in northern Tokyo (Akabane way, really its Kawaguchi, Saitama), if he's close, drop me a message)
i am japanes and i live in japan
so i can only guess
mmm,
tell him to learn japanese more
it must be not so easy .because he is in japan now and the time is not for practicing
but,the language is language,daily practicing ,like beginner ,makes him more parfect japanese speaker
and
i believe his friends friendship help him sometime and somehere
this is not good advice but please tell him that he is not alone
so i can only guess
mmm,
tell him to learn japanese more
it must be not so easy .because he is in japan now and the time is not for practicing
but,the language is language,daily practicing ,like beginner ,makes him more parfect japanese speaker
and
i believe his friends friendship help him sometime and somehere
this is not good advice but please tell him that he is not alone
- mixiユーザー
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