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☆ENGLISH ONLY☆コミュのLet's share your most embarassing moment

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Curl Up and Die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
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__
Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as
best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman,46, Winston-Salem, NC
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___
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper.? Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable,
so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that
I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and
suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was
shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection
in
the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld
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______
Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
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________
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at
your
nuts."? My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
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_________
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after
this enlightening exchange.? Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
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_________
Surprise!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but
my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the
telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her
a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,
we
didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
"SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my
friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of
shock
and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one
in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Tim Cahill, Poughkeepsie, New York
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__________
Priceless
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in
a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount
store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her
items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got
on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON
LANE
THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the
rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS."? In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH
A HAMMER?"
____________________________________________________________________________


________________
Mom's Advice
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She
went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and
whispered that
he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The
teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his
mother and
ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.? She went back
to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis
hanging out.? "I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed. "I
did," he
said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd
come and pick me up from school.

コメント(37)

BUAHAHAHAHA!

They are all funny. I've read a few of them before. They cracked me up again nonetheless. :)

My favourite is the toddler threatening her mom with the "I saw you kissing..." line. That's hilarious.
I was buying a bra for my girlfriend and I was with a buddy. I wasn't sure about her size and so my buddy called one of the female employees over to help. Quickly I could see that he was just trying to work game on her so I let him do his thing while I browsed through the lingerie. I came back a minute or two later and the girl asked me what my girlfriend's bust size was? I laughed and said わかんないけど、ほとんどないよ!(not really sure, but there's basically nothing up there!) and pointed to my own chest to show that I was bigger. The girl looked at me in disgust and was not friendly after that. We decided to leave and as we were walking out I asked my buddy why he thought the girl got so mad about my comment because I'm usually very modest about my girlfriend. He said that before she asked me the bust question she had asked him and he replied あなたと同じぐらい (she's about the same as you)。
Yeah he should have but we didn't walk back in to apologize. The worst part was that the girl was so nice and friendly before my comment.
haha those r pretty damn funny. hahaha shit. where did u get em from?
CHIBA〜〜

ah haha........
That salesgirl is kawaisou.........

翔さん→

Got that from a Hong Kong english forum.....
It gots loads of this stuff ....
Will find some interesting one and post it here later...
♡Kummy♡>>I will be sure not to come to your restaurant and make such comments.
I was walking down the hall in my high school. While I was walking, I was just looking at the ground thinking about something, but I had to use the bathroom, so I just pushed the door open without bothering to look at where I was. When I lifted by head, I noticed everything was in the opposite place from what I was used to. Then I realized I was in the girls' bathroom, so I hurriedly opened the door to walk out and said "shit"....

As I opened the door, a teacher just happened to be passing by. He looked at me with a straight face, and my jaw dropped. We stood there for 5 seconds, looking at each other without saying anything. Then he just continued walking.

Needless to say, that was the most embarrassing moment I've had so far...
This is a story of one of my good buddies. He has terrible luck and one day I suspect that he will be struck by lightning or a plane will crash into his living room. Anyways, here is his story.



September 9th:
After a night of unusually heavy drinking, I shacked with some girls in their hotel room in midtown Atlanta. At some point in the night(around 4 or 5) I proceeded to sleep walk out of the hotel room and get into the elevator. I was wearing only boxer briefs. When I came to (or woke up), I was confused as to why I was on the elevator and had no idea how long I had been riding it. The only things I knew were that I had to pee, and I
needed to get back into the hotel room. You cannot imagine the wave of panic that hit me when I realized I had no clue as to what hotel room the girls were
staying in and I was almost naked. Furthermore, I didn't even know what floor they were staying on, because the elevator ride screwed up my memory
the way a monkey can't fuck a football. Anyways, first things first, I went to the emergancy stairs and pissed down them. That taken care of, I decided my only option was to go the front desk and look up the girls' room
number. Since I was pretty bare, I decided to confiscate a table cloth from a room service table, and wrap it around me like a robe. The girls' room
number, as I later found out, was under the name of one of their fiances. I didn't know these girls very well, so I basically had no chance in hell of finding
their room. The guy at the front desk said he was very sorry he couldn't help me as he walked into the back room stifling his laughter. I then proceeded to call my cell phone, which was still in the room, in the
hopes that someone would either answer it or it would at least wake them up. After 10 minutes of that, I gave up and decided to sleep on the lobby couch. Luckily, it did wake the girls up, and one of them came looking for
me. I got back into the room.
Anyway, there it is. I hope you enjoyed reliving my misery. To quote the great Seinfeld lawyer Jackie Childs, "This is the most public yet, of my
many humiliations."
Chiba....

I decided to confiscate a table cloth .....
→ははは〜〜like a movie scene.......

Seinfeld........
ohoh...i used to watch a lot Seinfeld with my boss and colleagues when we were nothing to do in office....
But that was my previous company....
Had posted this one in my community also ..sorry if its a repeat for my community members..


True story........
You gotta love this guy..... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge... making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and
Friends.......................$32,000
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion......................................$3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in
Maui....................................$8,500
The embarrasing look on the bride's and family face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man
...................................................................................Priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.
An actual story:
In Seattle, I did some work for a translation company that had up to 800 translators from various countries working for them.

One day in the office, one of the translators walks into the office and starts yelling at him in front of all the other workers (mostly female):
"******, what is wrong? I f***ed you, I f***ed your wife!! Every day I f*** you, but you don't call me anymore!! Did I do something wrong? Are you angry with me????"

Cue utter silence in the office...




Turns out he just couldn't pronounce Fax correctly...
I like the real stories that are being posted much better than the fake ones that have been around the net for years.

My most embarasing moment would be my dad, uncle and aunt grabbing the wrong VHS tape of our holiday... Turned out it was a porn movie I recorded from TV (I was 16 at the time which did not help)
I prefer members' true stories to anonymous copy&paste ones too...
Loved 15: abhi_marx's story though. Hilarious!

My experience:

I went on a mini-break to Nikko in spring. Where we had lunch was a country house type cafe.
When I went to the loos in the annex, found a middle aged man hanging around the ladies (as it's outside of the cafe, I thought it could be anyone dodgy) so I said something like,
"what the hell are you doing here? This is ladies!"
"well... I'm just looking for...(mumble..) It's not gents??"
"obviously not! can you see? How could it be possible to mistake?!"
I must have looked so suspicious and accusing. (because I'd been warned of hidden cameras in toilets and stuff prior to my trip to Japan,) I must have looked at him as if he'd been a hideous perv or something.

Then he's gone and a woman turned up so I spoke to her.
"Did you see the old git lurking around the ladies?"
"oh yeah, probably he mistook..."
"no way! such a sheer lie... Noone would make a mistake like that when the gents is right next door. Wonder what he's up to... Shall I report it to the cafe manager just in case blah blah..."
"I'm sorry, that's my husband..."
"a! is he?!"
Awkward silence...

Gomen ne~! the guy was probs looking for his wife. Although he was well misleading, I was so far fetched and felt embarrassed big time.
(dialogue reconstructed in English)
クマ☆ラリー,

How funny... the exact same thing happened to me when I was in university here. It was the midterm week - I must have been spacing out. The only difference is that I *almost* walked into the lady's room but realized what I was doing right when I pushed the door open. One of my CS professors saw me there. His reaction: "Is it that time of year?" 汗

Here's another one. This happened right after I came to the U.S. I went to the university bookstore to buy textbooks and stationeries. Now, I had somehow thought 消しゴム (eraser) was "rubber" in English. The female cachier went berserk when I asked her where to find a rubber. She goes, "We don't carry stuff like that here!"

My response sure didn't help when it was "You don't carry rubbers? Like students here don't make mistakes?"
>だいはど
if you make a mistake, you cross it out fella! lol
or you should 've been in England asking for a rubber!
(at a chemist's)ププ funny.

Do people really call a "rubber" an "eraser" in the states? suppose that's actually what it does.. rahter than what it is...
Also it reminded me of Thom Yorke's new album...
>"You don't carry rubbers? Like students here don't make > mistakes?"

爆笑!
haha funny for me but embarassing for this other guy, the day i arrived in tokyo a saw a homeless guy take a shit on the street in front of shinjuku station. it was awesome.
Probably meeting my friends/girlfriends parents for the first time.

I was waiting at her house for a ride when her parents came home... Gotta figure they loved to find her alone in the house with me to begin with. We weren't dating yet, but gotta figure they had their assumptions.
So as she's introducing me to her parents(in Korean), I pick out a term that I wish she'd kept to her self... Basically, "He knows a little Korean".
I realize now how stupid it must have seemed for me to immideately say "No I don't". My very denial contradicted itself =P.
So now I have this girls mother and father starring at me waiting for me to say ANYTHING... But I was so nervous from being put on the spot like that, that I couldn't even speak English! I just kinda stood there for what felt like forever, untill I finally managed to just say hello and quickly appologize(though i'm not sure why?).
They must have thought I was crazy or something Y-Y

I had another friend do that too me a few years later too... Only this time she told one of her friends "He knows some Japanese"... I hadn't spoken Japanese for some months, but was at least able to understand what was being said to me, so I wasn't THAT bad ^^
20: だいはど> My response sure didn't help when it was "You don't carry rubbers? Like students here don't make mistakes?"

ROTFLMAO!! :D The difficulties of messing up just one word eh?
Guchi,

No kidding. And a response making sense either way... priceless. :)
26: だいはど> You could have mentioned that you could "find them at any Staples outlet, why not here? You gotta diversify a little!" :)
lot of stories. Ones I can think of now... Hmm once I got on the stage to accept free prize for a trip to another state, all expenses paid. I was a bit drunk shall we say, and the man speaking had a strong chinese accent. It was at a Valentines disco. So I got up on the stage with all these jealous people booing and what not, I was dancing triumphantly. Then I get on stage and they ask for ID... I look at the name on the card. Its my name, but instead the first name said, Brett. Instead of Trent. I looked at the crazy crowd of punters, who were making so much noise and I was shocked that they might find out. I explained it to the organisers, to which the DJ said, HEY ILL TAKE THEM. and that was that. For the rest of the night girls were coming up to me asking me to take them on holiday. It was odd.

But the most embarrassing person ever has to be my mum. She made me imune to embarrassment. Common things included asking me in front of the waitress-what do you think of her... and after the topic straight and gay came up, she started questioning another waiter about being what it`s like to be gay, when I was pretty sure, the young shy guy was straight.
lot of stories. Ones I can think of now... Hmm once I got on the stage to accept free prize for a trip to another state, all expenses paid. I was a bit drunk shall we say, and the man speaking had a strong chinese accent. It was at a Valentines disco. So I got up on the stage with all these jealous people booing and what not, I was dancing triumphantly. Then I get on stage and they ask for ID... I look at the name on the card. Its my name, but instead the first name said, Brett. Instead of Trent. I looked at the crazy crowd of punters, who were making so much noise and I was shocked that they might find out. I explained it to the organisers, to which the DJ said, HEY ILL TAKE THEM. and that was that. For the rest of the night girls were coming up to me asking me to take them on holiday. It was odd.

But the most embarrassing person ever has to be my mum. She made me imune to embarrassment. Common things included asking me in front of the waitress-what do you think of her... and after the topic straight and gay came up, she started questioning another waiter about being what it`s like to be gay, when I was pretty sure, the young shy guy was straight.
Guchi,

I know... the thing is, I had just moved to the U.S. and didn't have a good enough command of English to make a joke out of that situation. :'(

Trento,

How did it happen that your ID said "Brett" instead of your real first name?
Oh だいはど I have a similar story. In new york, i wanted to find an email cafe place, I went into some store, and asked some guy with broken italian English where I could find a place for HOTMAIL. He was like "GET OUT! GET OUT! We don`t do that here!" He was really shocked! It took me a minute or so to realise he thought I was looking for hot males. Maybe male prostitutes. I dunno, but it was funny.
だいはど How did it happen that your ID said "Brett" instead of your real first name?

now, they had a card that said Brett and the same last name. My ID said Trent. The guy was reading from the card and with all the noise I guess I just heard him wrong
Aah, I see. You should be lucky that "Brett" didn't show up, then! :)
When I went to England to see my husband's family and show them our 5 months old daughter,we took Alitalia.The airline didn't have good service,they lost our lagage,they were drinking coffee instead of getting what we requested,etc.My husband even said they didn't have good English so I said 「yeah,their English wasn't good because they asked us if we want to change the baby.」The family laughed and said「change the baby means change the baby's nappy so her English is correct.」I was a bit embarassed.
over here in singapore we have a few modes of public transport - the taxis, buses and MRT (mass rapid transit - it's like subway/landline train).

we flag down the taxis and buses. buses here don't wait very long at the stop because they have a tight schedule to keep. but trains do stop at the station for a designated time, like all trains do.

i rarely had to use the train to commute to school until i entered polytechnic and the school was pretty far away. you have to remember i wasn't used to taking the train everyday...

so one day, i went to the station, saw the train coming and flagged it down -_-

this is another story. it may be embarrassing for a guy to walk into a female restroom, but i can tell you it's much more embarrassing when you just had a very tough exam and you studied till late the previous night and your feet don't carry you to the correct place and you really have to pee and you walk into the toilet preparing to rush into pink cubicles when you look and and a row of guys are looking at you in alarm, all flies unzipped.

i could only mutter sorry and scurry out of the place -_-
One of my most recent embarassments is:

I had met a girl, and one day she was really depressed and stressed from school (she was attending a local University for the ESL program + a certificate program in logistics, so was pretty overburdened). So, I decided to meet with her to see if I could cheer her up. We had a really good time, and spent the whole day together (we were just going to meet for an hour or so). The day ended with us going to dinner. I didn't have quite enough money on me to pay for her, which was fine -- as it really wasn't a date per se.

After we ate, and were chatting and having a good time, she slid her hand across the table.

I just said "What?!"

She got kind of an embarassed look on her face, and then rubbed the hair on my arm a bit. The hair on my arms are very fine and soft, like silk.

I realized *exactly* why she did it right after I said "what?!" But, by then, it was too late. The moment came and passed; destroyed by my own stupidity. My own oblivious stupidity. To this day, I still regret it. I had hoped that another moment like that would come -- but they don't. Those moments only come once in your life and they never come again.

She's gone now -- disappeared into the blood-pulse traffic, the concrete plains, the steel and glass mountains of the cityscape. Disappeared into the passing faces and the headlights that move silently and slowly on the distant freeway. Gone and merged with the cracked sidewalks, ions in the ether, ruins of shattered buildings in overgrown city lots.

How I long to see her face again; her light brown eyes that shone like precious jewels in the sunlight; hear her voice and the quiet way she would say my name; how she would walk with her soft breast pressed against; how we would sit looking at photographs, her soft fragrant hair pressed against my cheek. But she's gone, never to return; lost in the minutes and hours of progressing time, and the ashes of my own foolishness.

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