☆ENGLISH ONLY☆コミュのPuzzled..........

Sometimes its not a good idea to tell the whole truth to people when you know they will not understand and it might hurt their feelings. Of course it means something if a guy takes you to see his parents! It took him a long time to get over the hurt he felt from what you did. Even if you did "nothing" with your friend, you still stayed the night and got in his bed. That is not something other guys want to hear. How would you feel if he told you he spent the night in bed with another girl after you took him to see your parents. You need to be more sensitive to others feelings. You must be use to a lot of attention.

Maybe I said it not clear above(because i stated "he" for two guys).

I do not mean I slept with the guy I met in Hong Kong(say,B) after I had a nightmare, in fact I didnt stay at his place that night.As i said it before, I stayed at my freind's(A) house during the vacation. So i mean i slept with A that night(re-emphasis that i did nothing with him)

Please understand why I cheated to A before, I just cannot say to him: Hey, I am going to meet a guy who I met in a bar of Hong Kong last year!!

But in fact, I like B a lot, though we just met once in Hong Kong(I know i am stupid).......But, of course, he just want to have some fun with me.........

So,i went back disappointed and frustrated! you know, before i met him, i had quite a lot fantasy on him (I know i am stupid)Because last time i did have a wonderful night with him in hong kong.

Maybe because of this, I got a horrible nightmare afterwards....

Who knows, I've taken a bunch of my female frinds to see my parents, just to make my parents freak out ("my god, our son brought a girl home!"), but it meant nothing.

Bad communication will always lead to hurt feelings. If you're gonna hide stuff, you have to do it real well. You can't say 50% of the truth and fill the rest with 50% lies either because somewhere along the line, thse things will unravel.

But it's also good to make many mistakes so that you learn what you should'shouldn't do. Human relations is not a game, you're actually dealing with a person; it's serious stuff.

Yes, that the question is!!!
In fact he is a very open-minded and straightforward guy ! And of course he is very talkative too!!
So I am just wondering maybe he just want to show me his parent's house (it's indeed nice, have a big garden!)
But of course i dont think he want to freak his parents out!
That's why I posed my question here.(in the risk of making ppl think i am a slapper.....)Especaiily want to know any feedback from British ppl if any here.
And in fact, i am hurt too!!!! Though I know it's stupid to expect something happen with someone who met in a bar, right!!??

Why not expect something to happen with someone you meet in a bar? It is not only playboys that have drinks at bars.


I wouldn't overrate the parent thing.
Some people bring everybody home,
others save it for "the one".
You just have to know, which of the two he is.

sorry,
just a question, rather than making a new topic,
but if you bring a girl to your house and she meets your parents, what do most girl think?

What difference does it make if we are British or not! that is also a racist attitude. People are people! Why do you value the opinion of one countries people over another? That is insulting.
And whats wrong with being in a bar? You were also in that same bar right? So should he think the same thing about you? You should think more carefully before you act on your emotions. And if you must do what you do, just dont tell. It might make you feel better, thinking that you are being honest but it doesnt make the guys feel any better at all. And if you get in a mans bed you should be ready to have sex!

woh there big guy - easy with the racist card. I think she's just curious about what British people think because her friend is British. I think thats totally reasonable. She didn't say that other peoples opinions are worthless.

Perhaps you are right but she needs to know that her words can be taken that way and to be more considerate. And even if her friend is british it still doesnt make any difference. Why should it! And why should she think it would? That in its self is the wrong way to think. And she should realize that. But yes perhaps racist was a bit harsh. My bad.

differences in shared cultural experience maybe. for example there are probably a number of people reading this who don't know what a "slapper" is :)

TokyoOG

There's definate differences in culture there man...
I don't see how anything she said was racist...
And it's perfectly acceptable to be concerned with how a situation or action can be percieved by someone of a different culture. Something like that could even just be a difference in upbringing within the same larger culture!

For instance, I myself don't like too much personal contact with people I don't know, or frequently with those that I do(family included).
On the other hand I have friends(both men and women) that great each other with a hug. The first time that one of my friends tried to do so he could tell I was uncomforatable. Now when we meet we just shake hands...
But I digress

Obviously those differences were the cause of a miscommunication, so please take that into consideration before judging too harshly here.

Firstly...
I will have to agree that honestly isn't always the best policy. You might think you're doing someone a favor, but you could just be causing more pain with the truth. I could give personal examples of this that have been said to me and perhaps that would make my thoughts more clear, but I don't like discussing them much. I'm not saying that you should lie, that could cause just as much pain. It's best to tell someone only what they really need to know and leave the details out.
Just my opinion of course...

Based on the amount of time he invested while you were there(Taking two weeks off is a pretty big deal to most people) and the visit to his parents house, it seems pretty clear that your stay there meant something completely different to him. I can't completely disagree with TokyoOG on this one. Though to you it meant something totally innocent, most men would take a women climbing into his bed a certain way, regardless of what does or doesn't happen(of course I believe nothing happened if you say it didn't). At the same time I understand your point of view on this, but since you're looking for possible answers, all I can really suggest is that though you didn't do anyting sexual, in your friends mind SOMETHING did happen... Not all guys are hypersexual and he clearly thought that it was something far more intimate than you did.

It seems to me that he was throwing out some pretty obvious signs, but then, i've been on his side of this situation in the past. What you saw simply as a friends kindness was much more to him. It's unfortunate but, things like this are often unavoidable. What really matters after that all comes into light is how you both deal with it.

As I said i've been on your friends side of this in the past. In my case I haven't talked to one of my best friends in over 2 years... For no other reason then I couldn't deal with being "just friends" anymore after a turning point in our relationship, while she wanted nothing more from me than to be her friend...

Sorry to say, that what happened on your vaction was definately a major turning point in whatever relationship you had and now you have to redefine that relationship.

I can't really speak for your friend, I'm not him and I can only really base my thoughs on what i've felt and been through. So though he may be disappointed and maybe embarrased, I can tell you that nothing hurts more than lossing a good friend... Give it time and him space when he needs it, but no matter how hard he pushes you away, try not to hold it against him...

Again... Just my thoughts.
I could be completely wrong. Who's to say he really just couldn't make the trip this year? Maybe other things have simply been distracting him lately? As I said, all I have to go on are my feelings and the informatin you've give us, so I can't speak directly for your friend... But hopefully I can give you some insight as to what he may have thought or could be feeling




Pardon me, I tend to ramble...
I appologize if I left you with more questions
than answers

Disco→
Thanks for your comments!! Indeed, as you say, I want to know what British ppl think about that! I am educated in british way, but I am not bought up in a British family!!

Tirath→
Thanks for your details and sincere comments!
You really understand my situation....
And I am sorry to hear that you were in the similar situation as my freind did.
I know that I had some faults in this situation.
But, I am always trying to be considerate.....
To be honest, I am quite a blunt girl!He was always nice to me but i just took it as a freindship.
Until he took me into his parents house,
I was a bite nervous that time, becuase it was my first time to visit someones parent's house(excluding someone live with his parents) and in addition that I am not british people (I hope that this will not lead me into having racist attitude)

Last but not least, I am sorry for my bad englishness that lead me into some racist expression.