Hey whats up everyone? Ya I'm new to the BBS but I figure I should come out and say hi. HAHA! Ya I know this is a long thread but it is something that has been bothering me for quite sometime so I just wanna know what you guys think.
Somebody came up to me and told me that they had a girlfriend back home in Japan. He told me that he loved her and that she makes him happy. So here I am thinking to myself, wow this guy is pretty awesome. We go on for a bit and talk about girlfriends back in Japan and how we miss them. I thought of this guy as pretty cool and honest to his girlfriend. They have been dating for about 9 to 10 months and they were still going strong. My honest opinion is that I can maybe look up to this guy as a great example of having an international girlfriend. Cheers! Few weeks later, I see him with another girl. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! That’s all I have to say. I had a good image of this guy and in the end, he turned out to be the one thing I hate the most. Honestly I don't understand what just happened?
Other times I've talked with a few people about this kind of situation and they think it is shogunai so it cannot be helped. My reaction is, "WHAT THE FUCK? It can't be helped?" I've tried really hard to understand this concept and to be honest, I just don't see a GOOD reason to believe so. They say "I am in another country so it does not matter." No way I think, I just can't believe it. It is the same even with girls too. They also think the same. Again some ask me, haven't you yet? It's ok because your girlfriend is Japanese. That sentence "It's ok because your girlfriend is Japanese..." makes me want to slap them in the face. There has to be some reason why you have a girlfriend still. Doesn't she trust you? Do you trust them? I'm trying really hard to accept this but I can't.
It makes me really mad when someone says your girlfriend might be doing the same so its ok. It is a give and take situation. NO IT IS FUCKING NOT. If you are going to do it with someone else, that is just plain cheating. YOU ARE CHEATTING ON YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND! I feel like my opinion is not correct and they don't understand at all. I don't care what you guys say, I trust my girlfriend 100% and honestly I would never do the same thing like you guys have. Really. If you understand the pain of your girlfriend cheating in front you and know what it is like to have your heart completely broken then you will know exactly how I feel. AHH! Man, you guys really piss me off.
Well anyway back to the subject, I feel like if you are going to have girlfriend or boyfriend, you should stay true to them. Trusting and understanding them is, in my opinion, the most important feeling. Why would you have anything else? Maybe because you do not share the same feelings as your girlfriend. If so, then what is the point of being with them. "ahh don't worry she will forgive me because she loves me." After saying that, don't talk to me about having a lover because you don't know how to show them the same respect other than just having sex with her and thats all. "Sex is the best thing for the relationship and thats all." Ok sure it is, in fact its great, but is that the only thing great about the relationship? What about spending time together? going out? talking? personality? feelings? What about those? Don't they also give you a great feeling in a relationship? If it is sex that you are looking for, I just call that a fuck friend, thats all.
Sometimes I wonder if even he did have a girlfriend. Something inside me tells me that it is Japanese culture but it is not desho? Someone please prove me wrong and tell me that it is just the people and not the culture.
I know it is not common at all and that people have a different respect for their girlfriends and boyfriends across the ocean. This is even a common problem for not just Japanese people but everyone as well. Some questions that we ask is can we trust our partners (boyfriends and girlfriends) even though they live far away? How do we even know that they are telling the truth when they say "I miss you" or "I want to see you again" when they DO cheat or maybe cheat? Honestly I think it has to do with how strong of a bond there is between you and your partner before being separated.
I have seen successful relationships and horrible ones. In honesty it has to deal with the foundation or the strength of the relationship. If there is a strong feeling in the beginning and goes for a long time such as the next time you see each other, then it will last because the "trust" is there. If it is weak, then of course it will not work. How do you make a strong start or foundation? That is up to you because it matters how each one of you think about the relationship. There has to be a "feeling" between you and her or him. When you have that special feeling, it will go on.
Another way to think about it is communication. If you can make it regular and be able to talk about things with out running out of a topic or thought it is great. Don't call or talk to them because you HAVE to talk to them, its better that you talk to each other like you are together and always talk about interesting topics. Small things like this, either being able to hear their voice or see them makes the distance easier. Just talking though messenger with out any microphone or web camera makes it hard because you do not have a feeling that it is them other than what they are typing. There is no voice or picture you can match with it.
If you are wondering what I am saying is that you have to work very hard at these relationships to keep them going. It is not "SHOGUNAI" like I said earlier, it is choice. It is your choice that you decided to cheat on them. Remember this is opinion not fact. Anyway, I think that people just need to learn trust not, It can't be helped situations. Remember, we ARE people and that we DO stupid or dumb things every now and then and thats fine. It is how we deal with our problems and situations that we get ourselves into. We choose to have international Boyfriends and Girlfriends and we have to deal with it.
My final thought of the topic:
If you are going to have a long distance relationship, both of you and your partner have to put in the same effort and time. Both of you need to trust each other and be able to understand that there is a large distance between you. Finally it IS NOT SHOGUNAI, it is irresponsiblity and stupidity that you did that.
-end
Ok so what do you guys think about this? Remember, its just opinion that’s all haha. Enjoy
Somebody came up to me and told me that they had a girlfriend back home in Japan. He told me that he loved her and that she makes him happy. So here I am thinking to myself, wow this guy is pretty awesome. We go on for a bit and talk about girlfriends back in Japan and how we miss them. I thought of this guy as pretty cool and honest to his girlfriend. They have been dating for about 9 to 10 months and they were still going strong. My honest opinion is that I can maybe look up to this guy as a great example of having an international girlfriend. Cheers! Few weeks later, I see him with another girl. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! That’s all I have to say. I had a good image of this guy and in the end, he turned out to be the one thing I hate the most. Honestly I don't understand what just happened?
Other times I've talked with a few people about this kind of situation and they think it is shogunai so it cannot be helped. My reaction is, "WHAT THE FUCK? It can't be helped?" I've tried really hard to understand this concept and to be honest, I just don't see a GOOD reason to believe so. They say "I am in another country so it does not matter." No way I think, I just can't believe it. It is the same even with girls too. They also think the same. Again some ask me, haven't you yet? It's ok because your girlfriend is Japanese. That sentence "It's ok because your girlfriend is Japanese..." makes me want to slap them in the face. There has to be some reason why you have a girlfriend still. Doesn't she trust you? Do you trust them? I'm trying really hard to accept this but I can't.
It makes me really mad when someone says your girlfriend might be doing the same so its ok. It is a give and take situation. NO IT IS FUCKING NOT. If you are going to do it with someone else, that is just plain cheating. YOU ARE CHEATTING ON YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND or GIRLFRIEND! I feel like my opinion is not correct and they don't understand at all. I don't care what you guys say, I trust my girlfriend 100% and honestly I would never do the same thing like you guys have. Really. If you understand the pain of your girlfriend cheating in front you and know what it is like to have your heart completely broken then you will know exactly how I feel. AHH! Man, you guys really piss me off.
Well anyway back to the subject, I feel like if you are going to have girlfriend or boyfriend, you should stay true to them. Trusting and understanding them is, in my opinion, the most important feeling. Why would you have anything else? Maybe because you do not share the same feelings as your girlfriend. If so, then what is the point of being with them. "ahh don't worry she will forgive me because she loves me." After saying that, don't talk to me about having a lover because you don't know how to show them the same respect other than just having sex with her and thats all. "Sex is the best thing for the relationship and thats all." Ok sure it is, in fact its great, but is that the only thing great about the relationship? What about spending time together? going out? talking? personality? feelings? What about those? Don't they also give you a great feeling in a relationship? If it is sex that you are looking for, I just call that a fuck friend, thats all.
Sometimes I wonder if even he did have a girlfriend. Something inside me tells me that it is Japanese culture but it is not desho? Someone please prove me wrong and tell me that it is just the people and not the culture.
I know it is not common at all and that people have a different respect for their girlfriends and boyfriends across the ocean. This is even a common problem for not just Japanese people but everyone as well. Some questions that we ask is can we trust our partners (boyfriends and girlfriends) even though they live far away? How do we even know that they are telling the truth when they say "I miss you" or "I want to see you again" when they DO cheat or maybe cheat? Honestly I think it has to do with how strong of a bond there is between you and your partner before being separated.
I have seen successful relationships and horrible ones. In honesty it has to deal with the foundation or the strength of the relationship. If there is a strong feeling in the beginning and goes for a long time such as the next time you see each other, then it will last because the "trust" is there. If it is weak, then of course it will not work. How do you make a strong start or foundation? That is up to you because it matters how each one of you think about the relationship. There has to be a "feeling" between you and her or him. When you have that special feeling, it will go on.
Another way to think about it is communication. If you can make it regular and be able to talk about things with out running out of a topic or thought it is great. Don't call or talk to them because you HAVE to talk to them, its better that you talk to each other like you are together and always talk about interesting topics. Small things like this, either being able to hear their voice or see them makes the distance easier. Just talking though messenger with out any microphone or web camera makes it hard because you do not have a feeling that it is them other than what they are typing. There is no voice or picture you can match with it.
If you are wondering what I am saying is that you have to work very hard at these relationships to keep them going. It is not "SHOGUNAI" like I said earlier, it is choice. It is your choice that you decided to cheat on them. Remember this is opinion not fact. Anyway, I think that people just need to learn trust not, It can't be helped situations. Remember, we ARE people and that we DO stupid or dumb things every now and then and thats fine. It is how we deal with our problems and situations that we get ourselves into. We choose to have international Boyfriends and Girlfriends and we have to deal with it.
My final thought of the topic:
If you are going to have a long distance relationship, both of you and your partner have to put in the same effort and time. Both of you need to trust each other and be able to understand that there is a large distance between you. Finally it IS NOT SHOGUNAI, it is irresponsiblity and stupidity that you did that.
-end
Ok so what do you guys think about this? Remember, its just opinion that’s all haha. Enjoy
|
|
|
|
コメント(65)
Cheating doesnt hurt anyone if you never get caught and you just keep it to yourself. But of course saying that is socially incorrect. True. But Taboo.
Anyway.. This is a louded topic that the author knew could never be settled in a way that everyone agrees. Thats why he said enjoy in his sign off. Most ladies are sounding pretty typical. And the guys that believe in honesty and that cheating is so wrong are a ladies dream man and they better snatch them up quick. This negative response to taking care of your own
(personal) special needs is proof that it just doesnt pay to try and tell people the truth when it comes to relationships. Yeah yeah yeah... men that think like this are dogs! Animals! and they will get what they deserve sooner or later. But in the mean time they just get laid! And thats all it is. No big deal. If your GF or BF really loved you they wouldnt insist that you go without sex just because they are not there. Now thats a partner.
Anyway.. This is a louded topic that the author knew could never be settled in a way that everyone agrees. Thats why he said enjoy in his sign off. Most ladies are sounding pretty typical. And the guys that believe in honesty and that cheating is so wrong are a ladies dream man and they better snatch them up quick. This negative response to taking care of your own
(personal) special needs is proof that it just doesnt pay to try and tell people the truth when it comes to relationships. Yeah yeah yeah... men that think like this are dogs! Animals! and they will get what they deserve sooner or later. But in the mean time they just get laid! And thats all it is. No big deal. If your GF or BF really loved you they wouldnt insist that you go without sex just because they are not there. Now thats a partner.
It was very interesting for me to read this topic.
Actually, I had a similar experience that Anthony-san wrote down...
I had a boyfriend who is not a same nationality as me.
We had been going out for several months :) then, one day, he went back his country.
I really loved him and so did him, I hope.
Before he left me, he always said to me "I'm not gonna break up with you" "We can keep our relationship because I don't wanna lose you and love you"..things like that..
I think we understood each other as much as we could as we talked a lot...so I really believed him...
but after he left here, he suddenly didn't contact me as much as before. I was worried about that...and I asked him "What do you think about keeping our relationship?"
After that, he e-mailed me and said..
"Out of sight out of mind.."
He said "I can't go out with you because we have a distance...."
This was the worst word I have ever heard...
I couldn't believe he was saying like that....
His behavior was totaly changed after he left me...
And I think he knew we will apart from each other anyway. so what I thought was why did he decided to go out with me even though he knew that he can't go out with someone if there is a distance....
I thought he might be supposed to go out with me serioucely and this was one of the excuse he tried to break up with me...
However, he also said that "I know you are nice person so I wanna be a good friend with you..."
I couldn't understand that...because even if we became friends, I know he is gonna think "Out of sight out of mind..."
so I can't believe man thesedays..I know there is not this kind of man in the world though...
But I am glad when I read Anthony-san's topic...because I knew there is a guy who has an opinion I can agree with :)
I just wanna say thank you to Anthony-san, your thoughts encuraged me somehow :)
Actually, I had a similar experience that Anthony-san wrote down...
I had a boyfriend who is not a same nationality as me.
We had been going out for several months :) then, one day, he went back his country.
I really loved him and so did him, I hope.
Before he left me, he always said to me "I'm not gonna break up with you" "We can keep our relationship because I don't wanna lose you and love you"..things like that..
I think we understood each other as much as we could as we talked a lot...so I really believed him...
but after he left here, he suddenly didn't contact me as much as before. I was worried about that...and I asked him "What do you think about keeping our relationship?"
After that, he e-mailed me and said..
"Out of sight out of mind.."
He said "I can't go out with you because we have a distance...."
This was the worst word I have ever heard...
I couldn't believe he was saying like that....
His behavior was totaly changed after he left me...
And I think he knew we will apart from each other anyway. so what I thought was why did he decided to go out with me even though he knew that he can't go out with someone if there is a distance....
I thought he might be supposed to go out with me serioucely and this was one of the excuse he tried to break up with me...
However, he also said that "I know you are nice person so I wanna be a good friend with you..."
I couldn't understand that...because even if we became friends, I know he is gonna think "Out of sight out of mind..."
so I can't believe man thesedays..I know there is not this kind of man in the world though...
But I am glad when I read Anthony-san's topic...because I knew there is a guy who has an opinion I can agree with :)
I just wanna say thank you to Anthony-san, your thoughts encuraged me somehow :)
TokyoOG>
"If your GF or BF really loved you they wouldnt insist that you go without sex just because they are not there."
If you really loved your GF or BF, how can you imagine having sex with someone else?
Yeah, I know realistically this is the way many (most?) people are, I just can't understand it...
For me, sex just seems pointless without it being with someone I am in love with. And if I am in love with that person I just don't think I could be with anybody else. It doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of attractive people in the world, but there's a lot more to love and sex than if somebody is attractive.
Maybe I am strange...
"If your GF or BF really loved you they wouldnt insist that you go without sex just because they are not there."
If you really loved your GF or BF, how can you imagine having sex with someone else?
Yeah, I know realistically this is the way many (most?) people are, I just can't understand it...
For me, sex just seems pointless without it being with someone I am in love with. And if I am in love with that person I just don't think I could be with anybody else. It doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of attractive people in the world, but there's a lot more to love and sex than if somebody is attractive.
Maybe I am strange...
☺MIN☻>
I think maybe some people really like each other and so they think they at least want to try and date long distance, but then they realize it's not for them.
Or maybe some people (the crappy ones) just one to keep you "on hold" in case they can't find something better while you are apart. >_<
Long distance relationships are difficult. I went through one myself recently and it just felt like I was the only one making any effort to keep in contact. In my case I think we both had the best intentions going into it, but I still can't help feeling a little betrayed by the experience.
I think my biggest piece of advice for people attempting a long distance relationship, is have a plan for the future. If you're both working towards the same thing, it's a lot better than if you don't even know when you will see each other again...
I think maybe some people really like each other and so they think they at least want to try and date long distance, but then they realize it's not for them.
Or maybe some people (the crappy ones) just one to keep you "on hold" in case they can't find something better while you are apart. >_<
Long distance relationships are difficult. I went through one myself recently and it just felt like I was the only one making any effort to keep in contact. In my case I think we both had the best intentions going into it, but I still can't help feeling a little betrayed by the experience.
I think my biggest piece of advice for people attempting a long distance relationship, is have a plan for the future. If you're both working towards the same thing, it's a lot better than if you don't even know when you will see each other again...
"If you really loved your GF or BF, how can you imagine having sex with someone else?
Yeah, I know realistically this is the way many (most?) people are, I just can't understand it... "
The bottom line is there is no need. If you feel you have to go sleeping around with multiple people even though you allegedly have someone that you're "with", then I would question if that's even a real relationship. What exactly do you have if not exclusivity? Somebody you like to hang out with? I call that a friend. Having a relationship *means* you have no need for anybody else, at least at that moment. And if you ever do need somebody else, it means the relationship is over - pretty much by definition. At least that's my opinion.
I'm not saying when you settle down that all of a sudden there aren't any other attractive people in the world. But honestly, and it's got nothing to do with being "politically correct", but there's just no consideration of actually sleeping with somebody else if you're already satisfied. Why would there be? It's like filling yourself up on chocolate ice cream to the point where you know you're going to throw up if you eat another bite, and then eating a gallon of vanilla ice cream anyway. I mean, why? Either you're satisfied or you're not, and if you're not satisfied, then your "relationship" isn't working to begin with.
Yeah, I know realistically this is the way many (most?) people are, I just can't understand it... "
The bottom line is there is no need. If you feel you have to go sleeping around with multiple people even though you allegedly have someone that you're "with", then I would question if that's even a real relationship. What exactly do you have if not exclusivity? Somebody you like to hang out with? I call that a friend. Having a relationship *means* you have no need for anybody else, at least at that moment. And if you ever do need somebody else, it means the relationship is over - pretty much by definition. At least that's my opinion.
I'm not saying when you settle down that all of a sudden there aren't any other attractive people in the world. But honestly, and it's got nothing to do with being "politically correct", but there's just no consideration of actually sleeping with somebody else if you're already satisfied. Why would there be? It's like filling yourself up on chocolate ice cream to the point where you know you're going to throw up if you eat another bite, and then eating a gallon of vanilla ice cream anyway. I mean, why? Either you're satisfied or you're not, and if you're not satisfied, then your "relationship" isn't working to begin with.
In general I think that long distance relationships are very hard to continue. Sometimes people may have honorable intentions but then are too cowardly to be honest and end them when they no-longer can maintain it.
Of course it is horrible to cheat on your bf/gf no matter what. The problem with international/long-distance relationships is that the relationship becomes strained and there are many opportunities to find another relationship.
In my opinion, unless a bf/gf have plans to get engaged, they shouldn't try to maintain a long distance relationship for more than a couple months, it just doesn't make sense.
If you don't want to lose your bf/gf, then either stay together, or make a stronger commitment.
That's my opinion, based on experience.
Of course it is horrible to cheat on your bf/gf no matter what. The problem with international/long-distance relationships is that the relationship becomes strained and there are many opportunities to find another relationship.
In my opinion, unless a bf/gf have plans to get engaged, they shouldn't try to maintain a long distance relationship for more than a couple months, it just doesn't make sense.
If you don't want to lose your bf/gf, then either stay together, or make a stronger commitment.
That's my opinion, based on experience.
I have a boyfriend here in Japan and I do since last february, when I first met him. I didn't cheat on him, and he also didn't, because we WANT our relationship to work out.
But when I am back to France, I am tired of people thinking that I am weird to be in a LDR, and they sometimes think and ask me "is it because you can't find a boyfriend here?". NO! It's because I (we) am strong, and I want this to be special! I refused to have another boyfriend 3 times already. Some other people, as you say, wouldn't have been as strong as I am. Then I can only say "it's because love isn't there". Some people idealize their lover when there is so much distance, some others forget the love. Both are bad, in my opinion.
Only having a strong soul and a realistic mind help^^
However, I think we cannot blame the fact that they forget about the love. If they do, in their mind, cheating isn't bad and the relationship is just a word that doesn't make them feel lonely. If this isn't true on both parts though, we can blame the lies, I think...
But when I am back to France, I am tired of people thinking that I am weird to be in a LDR, and they sometimes think and ask me "is it because you can't find a boyfriend here?". NO! It's because I (we) am strong, and I want this to be special! I refused to have another boyfriend 3 times already. Some other people, as you say, wouldn't have been as strong as I am. Then I can only say "it's because love isn't there". Some people idealize their lover when there is so much distance, some others forget the love. Both are bad, in my opinion.
Only having a strong soul and a realistic mind help^^
However, I think we cannot blame the fact that they forget about the love. If they do, in their mind, cheating isn't bad and the relationship is just a word that doesn't make them feel lonely. If this isn't true on both parts though, we can blame the lies, I think...
wow - it seems everyone ( TokyoOG excepted :) ) is really serious about the monogamy thing. Well heres another thought - we're all human and its only natural that we're going to be attracted to other people at some stage. I'm not necessarily advocating sleeping with other people if thats not what you want to do but it seems to me that just repressing the urge and pretending you aren't attracted to other people is just as unhealthy. Sometimes exploring other options for a while - even if its just flirting with someone on a night out - can remind you why you're with the one you're with. but maybe thats just me.
maybe someone said this already.. but I`m at work and
can`t read everyone`s comments thoroughly, so I`ll just type in quickly what I think.
I think it just has to do with humans` natural traits.
We are all looking for love, and deep inside we are all looking for the special partner.
I don`t think anyone can feel true happiness when they are sleeping around, having casual relationships.
So I suppose people who are in a long-distance relationship DO really love eachother. Love is not just a physical thing. if it is shared with the right person,
you can feel so warm just by thinking about them.
But you know that we human beings are very weak and fragile; sometimes we miss our bf/gf that lives so far away so much that just thinking about them, or talking on the phone with them will not help.
I guess that is when they drift off to somebody nearby.
and it can happen even if they love their bf/gf.
I like this guy who has a gf in tokyo, going out for six months now, but since I live so close to him I thought that it would be a piece of cake making him mine.
But though I was the one who was taking care of him when he was sick, he was wanting to hear his gf`s voice. So I guess even if they cheat on their gf/bf, their feelings will not be changed so easily.
we can not stand loneliness.
can`t read everyone`s comments thoroughly, so I`ll just type in quickly what I think.
I think it just has to do with humans` natural traits.
We are all looking for love, and deep inside we are all looking for the special partner.
I don`t think anyone can feel true happiness when they are sleeping around, having casual relationships.
So I suppose people who are in a long-distance relationship DO really love eachother. Love is not just a physical thing. if it is shared with the right person,
you can feel so warm just by thinking about them.
But you know that we human beings are very weak and fragile; sometimes we miss our bf/gf that lives so far away so much that just thinking about them, or talking on the phone with them will not help.
I guess that is when they drift off to somebody nearby.
and it can happen even if they love their bf/gf.
I like this guy who has a gf in tokyo, going out for six months now, but since I live so close to him I thought that it would be a piece of cake making him mine.
But though I was the one who was taking care of him when he was sick, he was wanting to hear his gf`s voice. So I guess even if they cheat on their gf/bf, their feelings will not be changed so easily.
we can not stand loneliness.
Long Distance Relationships, LDR's, are tough. I can't ever reccomend going through one unless you are both mentally very tough, and even if you are, I don't suggest doing it more than once.
We get into relationships because we are lonely, to be with somebody else, and a LDR is simply a daily tease and frustration. I know it is sometimes necessary, but it's not something I can stand any more.
We get into relationships because we are lonely, to be with somebody else, and a LDR is simply a daily tease and frustration. I know it is sometimes necessary, but it's not something I can stand any more.
hello. i spent a lot of time to read ur opinion. fuu-- i also have a girlfriend in japan. i agree with ur opinion. in my case just ilove her and i'm afraid of losing her. so, i think it difficult for FUCKING COUPLES to continue to date their partner coz their love is kind of rubbish. i think. it's not real love. anyway they are stupid.
Bloke up 2weeks ago.
It was LDR but my ex. finally came over to my place.
My dream came true and then turn to nightmare!
Ended up we haven't sex during she stay in my place.
She sleep in my bed and I sleep on my couch.
I wanted to MAKE LOVE no Fxxk.
Regrettable though...
When she leave, she tried to cheesy kiss to me.
But she denied.
"I'm not in Love♪" (imagine same old 10cc's song)
Sigh...
It was LDR but my ex. finally came over to my place.
My dream came true and then turn to nightmare!
Ended up we haven't sex during she stay in my place.
She sleep in my bed and I sleep on my couch.
I wanted to MAKE LOVE no Fxxk.
Regrettable though...
When she leave, she tried to cheesy kiss to me.
But she denied.
"I'm not in Love♪" (imagine same old 10cc's song)
Sigh...
Define luv , define lust .
Sex is human need..for some people sex is like a daily necessary dose (hey I aint talkin abt myself here).
I may sound a bit unconventional here , but I have quite a few close japanese female friends who say sex and luv are two seperate things. As you would be aware that , aijin and husbands/boyfriends have been clear definition of thier roles and responsibilities.
oops got to get back to work..more laters
Sex is human need..for some people sex is like a daily necessary dose (hey I aint talkin abt myself here).
I may sound a bit unconventional here , but I have quite a few close japanese female friends who say sex and luv are two seperate things. As you would be aware that , aijin and husbands/boyfriends have been clear definition of thier roles and responsibilities.
oops got to get back to work..more laters
hmm if men are going to cheat on their long-distance girlfriends, then at least they should tell them. If 2 people are telling lies about each other, just so they don't hurt the other person, how can that be considered a relationship?
cheating or not cheating, lies don't really belong in the definition of a "true love relationship".
Because if telling the truth will indeed hurt the other person, letting the lies prolong in time will only lead to 2x or 3 times as much pain.
I have a good friend who was in a regular relationship with a girl from our own country (portugal). however, she eventually went to a different city to study at university. even as she left, the relationship was already dying. All of their friends knew it, but my friend was still holding on, because of fear. almost one year later, my friend knew a nice girl from Germany on the Internet, and because he was going to Germany on vacations anyway, he decided to meet her. They felt attracted almost immediately. When my friend returned to Portugal, he was feeling guilty, because he no longer loved his old girlfriend at university, but he was afraid to hurt her.
He asked me for advice. All I could say was "If you tell her now that you want to break up with her, yes, she will feel pain. And she might hate you. But if you let this situation continue for more time, imagine the huge pain that will cause! Sooner or later the relationship will end anyway, and imagine her feeling that she had lost 1 or 2 years of her life hopelessly trying to make the relationship survive when she could have found someone else, or could have made new plans for her life. The feeling that you wasted 1/2 years of your life for nothing is horrible, and she would never forgive you for that. It's best to end it right now, to stop things from getting worse. The sooner she can rebuild her life without you, the better. Your only responsability in life is to be honest with yourself and to others as well. If you're not happy with your current girlfriend, then you have to be honest about it. Don't blame her for hating you. but in time, maybe she will realise that staying with you would not have brought her any happiness because everything had become a lie."
He broke up with her, and yes, she felt pain, but eventually she carried on. she moved to london, got a new boyfriend, and is doing better. As for my friend, he and his German girlfriend are happier than ever, and when she decided to move to Sweden university, he went along, and both moved to Sweden. I think this time, things will work out.
I'm not against cheating, but I would be honest about it... not saying anything because of causing pain, will actually cause much more pain than what we thought.
cheating or not cheating, lies don't really belong in the definition of a "true love relationship".
Because if telling the truth will indeed hurt the other person, letting the lies prolong in time will only lead to 2x or 3 times as much pain.
I have a good friend who was in a regular relationship with a girl from our own country (portugal). however, she eventually went to a different city to study at university. even as she left, the relationship was already dying. All of their friends knew it, but my friend was still holding on, because of fear. almost one year later, my friend knew a nice girl from Germany on the Internet, and because he was going to Germany on vacations anyway, he decided to meet her. They felt attracted almost immediately. When my friend returned to Portugal, he was feeling guilty, because he no longer loved his old girlfriend at university, but he was afraid to hurt her.
He asked me for advice. All I could say was "If you tell her now that you want to break up with her, yes, she will feel pain. And she might hate you. But if you let this situation continue for more time, imagine the huge pain that will cause! Sooner or later the relationship will end anyway, and imagine her feeling that she had lost 1 or 2 years of her life hopelessly trying to make the relationship survive when she could have found someone else, or could have made new plans for her life. The feeling that you wasted 1/2 years of your life for nothing is horrible, and she would never forgive you for that. It's best to end it right now, to stop things from getting worse. The sooner she can rebuild her life without you, the better. Your only responsability in life is to be honest with yourself and to others as well. If you're not happy with your current girlfriend, then you have to be honest about it. Don't blame her for hating you. but in time, maybe she will realise that staying with you would not have brought her any happiness because everything had become a lie."
He broke up with her, and yes, she felt pain, but eventually she carried on. she moved to london, got a new boyfriend, and is doing better. As for my friend, he and his German girlfriend are happier than ever, and when she decided to move to Sweden university, he went along, and both moved to Sweden. I think this time, things will work out.
I'm not against cheating, but I would be honest about it... not saying anything because of causing pain, will actually cause much more pain than what we thought.
>gatita
I`m in a situation like yours... the more we get older and gain experience the less people put their feelings into words. especially, `be my bf/gf` `will you go out with me?` etc etc...
things just tend to flow without being clearly defined.
the more we expect, the more we get hurt.
I totally agree with you.
I`m in a situation like yours... the more we get older and gain experience the less people put their feelings into words. especially, `be my bf/gf` `will you go out with me?` etc etc...
things just tend to flow without being clearly defined.
the more we expect, the more we get hurt.
I totally agree with you.
All of you guys/girls preaching true love and how you could never really want another person if you are satisfied shit should consider this; You yourself are admitting that a relationship is not just sex. It is a combination of things. Sex is just one part. A very important part, but still just one part. It is possible to find ones self in a situation where that one part "Sex" is the only problem in an otherwise great relationship. If you have never been there you can`t talk about what you would do. Just be thankful that you have a " perfect relationship" and allow others to fix their own problems as best they can without being judged by you.
So, I guess you are all saying that if the sex is not good enough for you, you will dump your wife/gf/bf and get another? Or just masterbate every chance you get to satisfy yourself ? and deal with it. Ohh I forgot, since I am not satisfied this relationship is not worth keeping. Regardless of all the things we have been through together.. regardless of the fact that you (the partner) is satisfied. I am not, so its over. It is possible for a persons "other" attributes to out weigh the negative side of being an inadequate lover. All people are not going to have equal or compatible sex drives. And when that occurs rules need to be bent a little. I know people like that and they are happy. Just because you fuck someone doesn`t mean you have to get married or anything else. It can be just a fuck. Thats why they make condoms. If you feel that way fine. If you don`t fine. But don`t judge others. This is 2006.
So, I guess you are all saying that if the sex is not good enough for you, you will dump your wife/gf/bf and get another? Or just masterbate every chance you get to satisfy yourself ? and deal with it. Ohh I forgot, since I am not satisfied this relationship is not worth keeping. Regardless of all the things we have been through together.. regardless of the fact that you (the partner) is satisfied. I am not, so its over. It is possible for a persons "other" attributes to out weigh the negative side of being an inadequate lover. All people are not going to have equal or compatible sex drives. And when that occurs rules need to be bent a little. I know people like that and they are happy. Just because you fuck someone doesn`t mean you have to get married or anything else. It can be just a fuck. Thats why they make condoms. If you feel that way fine. If you don`t fine. But don`t judge others. This is 2006.
TokyoOG>
I wasn't judging. I just don't really get the idea of "It can be just a fuck". Like you said, if you feel that way fine, if you don't then fine.
I think people can be satisfied by sex in different ways. For some people the focus is on the physical part, for some it is on the emotional part, and for others it's a combination of the two.
Anyway, we all have our different ways, and it's pointless to judge. Maybe the important thing is just to make sure you know how you feel, and how your partner feels, and then go from there.
Me personally, I just can't see the point in sleeping with someone I don't have a commitment too. Maybe I'm just getting old. :P
I wasn't judging. I just don't really get the idea of "It can be just a fuck". Like you said, if you feel that way fine, if you don't then fine.
I think people can be satisfied by sex in different ways. For some people the focus is on the physical part, for some it is on the emotional part, and for others it's a combination of the two.
Anyway, we all have our different ways, and it's pointless to judge. Maybe the important thing is just to make sure you know how you feel, and how your partner feels, and then go from there.
Me personally, I just can't see the point in sleeping with someone I don't have a commitment too. Maybe I'm just getting old. :P
TokyoOG>
Ah, I wanted to comment on one other thing you said.
"It is possible to find ones self in a situation where that one part "Sex" is the only problem in an otherwise great relationship." and "So, I guess you are all saying that if the sex is not good enough for you, you will dump your wife/gf/bf and get another? "
If there is a problem in the relationship, then it needs to be resolved, regardless of what it is, right? I think your idea is that it can be resolved by sleeping with other people...but for me, if I am not satisfied sleeping with my partner, that is not something that can be fixed by going out and finding somebody else.
Replace "sex" with "conversation". If I am not able to talk to my partner, then going out and finding somebody else to talk to is not going to fix that, because that fundamental connection with my partner would still be broken.
That's me though. People date for different reasons, so maybe somebody else would be perfectly happy in a relationship where they do not talk with their partner, or do not have sex with them.
Ah, I wanted to comment on one other thing you said.
"It is possible to find ones self in a situation where that one part "Sex" is the only problem in an otherwise great relationship." and "So, I guess you are all saying that if the sex is not good enough for you, you will dump your wife/gf/bf and get another? "
If there is a problem in the relationship, then it needs to be resolved, regardless of what it is, right? I think your idea is that it can be resolved by sleeping with other people...but for me, if I am not satisfied sleeping with my partner, that is not something that can be fixed by going out and finding somebody else.
Replace "sex" with "conversation". If I am not able to talk to my partner, then going out and finding somebody else to talk to is not going to fix that, because that fundamental connection with my partner would still be broken.
That's me though. People date for different reasons, so maybe somebody else would be perfectly happy in a relationship where they do not talk with their partner, or do not have sex with them.
Well just so everyone knows, we are still together. In fact she is here now. Honestly, I've been tempted by others, but really I have no interest in no one else but the girl I'm with now. I guess i'm not down with the whole multipule girl thing and so is she with the guy thing. Besides there ARE LDRs that do work but very few. Maybe we fit into that small percentage.
50: gatita> I sort of sense where you're coming from. I've had my share of short relationships because I thought I might have something invested in them and discovered otherwise.
In my case, love and physical relationships are intangible in ways that are difficult to connect or disconnect one to or from the other. While I agree with TokyoOG's contention that "It can be just a fuck.", I have a notion that those who are involved in that kind of situation are not always able to keep it that way for themselves (however detached the partner might be). In that sense, I dislike the idea of sex purely for sex because there are certain emotional responsibilities that have to be dealt with, because as soon as it goes there, it's no longer just about yourself.
In my case, love and physical relationships are intangible in ways that are difficult to connect or disconnect one to or from the other. While I agree with TokyoOG's contention that "It can be just a fuck.", I have a notion that those who are involved in that kind of situation are not always able to keep it that way for themselves (however detached the partner might be). In that sense, I dislike the idea of sex purely for sex because there are certain emotional responsibilities that have to be dealt with, because as soon as it goes there, it's no longer just about yourself.
guchi, fully agree with you in the sense that it's just too much of a hassle afterwards. i've seen many girlfriends getting attached to their f*ck buddies, bootie calls, セフレ、or whatever the new term is and vice versa. girls who don't admit to their feelings, just find a new f*ck buddy once the feelings start to brew. (the ones i've met)
that said, as a girl i'd rather have a guy who's been around the block(or world?) and then some because they're prone to recognizing good things when it's in front of their faces ;)
that said, as a girl i'd rather have a guy who's been around the block(or world?) and then some because they're prone to recognizing good things when it's in front of their faces ;)
53: gatita> exactly! :) if you are willing to take your time on a good investment you'll be healthier emotionally in the long run.
54: もえ ですよ> Yair! You're hearing what I'm saying. :) If you're patient.. well, you know the saying: "Good things to those who wait.." although.. waiting by itself is never enough.
54: もえ ですよ> Yair! You're hearing what I'm saying. :) If you're patient.. well, you know the saying: "Good things to those who wait.." although.. waiting by itself is never enough.
Both my girlfriend and I are not japanese,but we live away from each other.I just trust her and she also trusts me.In my opinion,TRUST is important,even if she tells lies and I haven't realized.If I found she is cheating on me,it shows that she didn't love indeed and she do not be worth my love. And that time,you needn't be worry yourself about search a new girlfriend.But if there is no evidence that she is cheating on you,you shouldn't have another girlfriend if you love her.
woww I swear it took me like an hour to read the diary and all u guys' comments! lol But really Anthony and all the ppl who are in a reli good LDRs I say go u! (and ur gf/bf lol)
Im doing a LDR as well from the beginning of this month (we are both Japanese tho) he's 2 yrs older than me, he's in Tokyo doing his uni entrance and Im in London. I've never been in a LDR before and to be honest I've had a string of bfs but things just didnt work out. I guess its because I never really truly loved them. Soo you might say (as many of my friends said) what am I doing plunging myself in a LDR?
Well, coz I really love him!!! LOL
You guys say that sometimes you dont know what the other half is feeling, etc but really there's so many ways to tell whether someone really loves you. Firstly you can never really trust words alone. I mean its easy to say you love someone but if your REALLY in love, you FEEL it through what the other person DOES for you. All the little things like caring whether your feet are ok in your heels, holding your bag for you without saying anything...you know that kind of CARE, things you wouldnt really think of doing if you don't really love thus care for that person.
eek this is getting long. Anywayz, like someone said before, I think being HONEST with each other is the key to a LDR. Lies corrupt. And if you dont wanna get hurt then dont go for guys/ gals who focus on making out. Guys who go crazy when your alone with him but dont even hold your hand when out with other people are probably bastards. Yup yup.
k, gonna stop sorry for the super long comment. lol :P
Im doing a LDR as well from the beginning of this month (we are both Japanese tho) he's 2 yrs older than me, he's in Tokyo doing his uni entrance and Im in London. I've never been in a LDR before and to be honest I've had a string of bfs but things just didnt work out. I guess its because I never really truly loved them. Soo you might say (as many of my friends said) what am I doing plunging myself in a LDR?
Well, coz I really love him!!! LOL
You guys say that sometimes you dont know what the other half is feeling, etc but really there's so many ways to tell whether someone really loves you. Firstly you can never really trust words alone. I mean its easy to say you love someone but if your REALLY in love, you FEEL it through what the other person DOES for you. All the little things like caring whether your feet are ok in your heels, holding your bag for you without saying anything...you know that kind of CARE, things you wouldnt really think of doing if you don't really love thus care for that person.
eek this is getting long. Anywayz, like someone said before, I think being HONEST with each other is the key to a LDR. Lies corrupt. And if you dont wanna get hurt then dont go for guys/ gals who focus on making out. Guys who go crazy when your alone with him but dont even hold your hand when out with other people are probably bastards. Yup yup.
k, gonna stop sorry for the super long comment. lol :P
To be honest, tis really simple. If you're in a long distance relationship and are dating someone else while your partner is away, then it basically means your "LDR" is lacking something as it is. Either that or you succumb to temptation very easily. It could also be that the said individual is into Polygyny / Polyandry.
The simple truth im trying to get across is, if you're satisfied with what you got, theres no need to seek elsewhere. But in the case of LDRs, when and if the partner/mate is away for long periods of time, it may leave said individual with a feeling of longing (To be held, kissed, etc). Hence they will seek to satisfy that longing elsewhere or in a more convenient way. In a sense, kind of like Rebound dating?
The simple truth im trying to get across is, if you're satisfied with what you got, theres no need to seek elsewhere. But in the case of LDRs, when and if the partner/mate is away for long periods of time, it may leave said individual with a feeling of longing (To be held, kissed, etc). Hence they will seek to satisfy that longing elsewhere or in a more convenient way. In a sense, kind of like Rebound dating?
- mixiユーザー
- ログインしてコメントしよう！
|
|
|
|
☆ENGLISH ONLY☆ 更新情報
-
最新のアンケート
