☆ENGLISH ONLY☆コミュのstupidly advancing idiotic strategies for meaningless communication

I've had enough of "business jargon".....it's time for plain speakers to take over and put an end to the meaningless stupidity of mission statements.

Example:
"It is our mission to dramatically initiate performance
based opportunities as well as to proactively leverage
existing quality leadership skills to meet our customer's
needs."

(what the hell does that mean?)

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[1] mixiユーザー 11月15日 18:54

Mission statement for Blackwater (mercenaries)

“To support national and international security policies that protect those who are defenseless and provide a free voice for all with a dedication to providing ethical, efficient, and effective turnkey solutions that positively impact the lives of those still caught in desperate times."

meaning: We provide mercenaries to anyone who can afford us.

[2] mixiユーザー 11月16日 05:36

I hear ya, Ian. I'd been a copy editor in Tokyo for a while, and we'd get requests from companies to translate their mission statement, vision, or similar corporatespeak into English. While some of the companies had a very clear, precise notion of who they are and where they are going, I'd say that the majority had no clue what distinguished "mission" from "vision", and had most likely elected one or two individuals to come up with a jumble of vague-yet-official-sounding language in Japanese that we'd have to figure out in translation. And often when I would ask, the answers I received left me with the impression that the company had only drafted a mission statement because its competitors had one on its website, and wouldn't be outdone.

"It is our mission to dramatically initiate performance
based opportunities as well as to proactively leverage
existing quality leadership skills to meet our customer's
needs."

--> "We help lead your management." Whatever happened to KISS? (Oh, and the other thing that pisses me off: these various slogans that Japanese companies have. Slogans are cool, sure--but it seems that Japanese companies (JCs) love to machinegun them out there and change them up once a month. Slogans, keywords, ... what, are JCs trying to do a kind of real-world SEO? Annoying.)

[3] mixiユーザー 11月16日 05:54

As a High School teacher, we've also had to think of and come up with Mission Statements for our school. 95% of the time, they're bullshit. As you say, it's just a bunch of vague, professional sounding words to make it sound like you do more than you actually do.

[4] mixiユーザー 11月16日 10:06

"It is our mission to dramatically initiate performance
based opportunities as well as to proactively leverage
existing quality leadership skills to meet our customer's
needs."

That really doesn't mean anything. In fact, I think it creates more questions than it answers.

“To support national and international security policies that protect those who are defenseless and provide a free voice for all with a dedication to providing ethical, efficient, and effective turnkey solutions that positively impact the lives of those still caught in desperate times."

That's one obnoxiously long run-on sentence. Anyone who uses the term "turnkey" deserves to be shot. It's nothing more than a filler.

[5] mixiユーザー 11月16日 13:50

<chuckle> Gotta love that concept though: "Our turnkey solution: a mean sonofabitch with a bullet in his chamber and a lasersight on the person of your choosing. Any questions?"

[6] mixiユーザー 11月16日 16:34

>> That's one obnoxiously long run-on sentence. Anyone who
>> uses the term "turnkey" deserves to be shot. It's nothing more
>> than a filler.

I guess if there is shooting to be done they're the guys to do it.

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