☆ENGLISH ONLY☆コミュのI feel kinda lost.

I posted a personal ad on the internet to look for new friends a few months ago.
I got responses from several people and kept exchanging emails with them.
Finally, I made friends with three people as they were exactly who I was looking for.
Since then, I kept meeting them to chat, dine and drink together.
It was really fun.

But only recently, one of them said that he had been involved in a MLM business
and asked us if we may want to join it. I felt a bit confused as
I was just assuming that he kept meeting us because he was simply
enjoying chatting, eating out with us together.
But his real intention was something else we had never imagined.

I know people might attract each other for many different reasons,
and no relationship is completely free from any kinds of calculation.
Yet I feel very disappointed about him saying that.

He said it was all up to us and wasn't going to try to force anything on us.
In fact, he is still a nice person as much as he always was.
Even though, I just cannot enjoy being with him as much as I used to.
Other members said they cannot either because every time
he does or says something nice to us, we cannot help but feel that
he does so in order to make us feel to join his business.

I might be too negative, some of my foreign friends said that
I am too Japanese!!! Am I? What do other people feel about it then?
Personally, I have nothing against MLM but it is very confusing
if someone approaches pretending to be a friend being nice to us
to make us feel he is a real friend, and then all of sudden
he starts talking about MLM? What the hell is that?
I feel kinda lost now.

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[1] mixiユーザー 01月05日 12:25

Would you have felt the same way about this guy if he had tried to sell you a used car? What if he tried to get you to buy a video game so you could play online, but this video game calls for a monthly subscription?

[2] mixiユーザー 01月05日 12:42

Don't mind it. If the guy keeps bugging you about it, then better start saying goodbye.

[3] mixiユーザー 01月05日 13:05

was it a long time before he started soliciting for his company? I wouldn't take it that personally, but if he keeps doing it then you better stay way.

[4] mixiユーザー 01月05日 14:16

Stay away from people you feel uncomfortable with.

[5] mixiユーザー 01月05日 15:15

Yeah--similar thing happened to me, but on the Japanese side.

Basically, I think that you have to keep in mind that there are all sorts of people using the Internet. Many of the people on Mixi (Japanese and foreign alike) who are looking for people to hang out with are seeking just that. Some of the people looking for a "language partner" are seeking just that; some are looking for an easy interlude to sex. Some people are looking to network; others are looking for people to convert religiously. It's tough to discern sometimes.

My advice: because you aren't friends with certain people, you really don't owe them anything; meeting up in neutral areas (i.e. NOT at your house/apartment) and limiting the amount of personal information you give out can be handy as well, should things go south. If someone starts acting in a way you aren't comfortable with, you don't owe them an apology or anything--just ignore them. There are plenty of other people out there who are worth your time.

[6] mixiユーザー 01月05日 16:53

if he continues to hang out with you, and doesnt bring up MLM, then he can be a friend.

if he keeps hinting at MLM, after you refuse it, then stop hanging out with him, as he isnt a friend. easy come, easy go ;)

[7] mixiユーザー 01月05日 17:41

am i the only one that has no idea what MLM is?

[8] mixiユーザー 01月05日 18:06

MLM's are multi level marketing or network marketing, also can fall into the line of scams like Ponzi and other pyrimid scheme types.

I understand networking and confiding and introducing opportunities to friends, but being sales pitched doesn't make for a trusting relationship. It is also impolite to impose business on personal friendships.

It is easy to see why you would be offended. Most people would be, if the associate is doing the repetitive sales pitch routine.

[9] mixiユーザー 01月05日 18:24

> Glenn Davisさん

Thanks Glenn, I was baffled by MLM too, sounds like a dodgy guy, I'd avoid him...

[10] mixiユーザー 01月05日 18:42

As a foreigner here in japan,I felt the same first,but then I learned never judge a person through what he did coz everything,especially human emotion is complicated.benefit from each other is sometimes good,if u don't feel happy about what he did to u ,change yourself,always be a kind person and give love,have a clear purpose on what u want and u will never get lost,we r human,we have love,hope u r feelin better!

[12] mixiユーザー 01月05日 18:57

And always protect yourself when it's nesiccery

[14] mixiユーザー 01月05日 23:10

I checked a website people talk about the MLM he is joining.
The guy who is the top of the pyramid was giving a kinda lecture to his
downs there, he was encouraging his downs to sow seeds of carrots everyday,
which means to meet new people, at least two every day.
And tell them what you are doing after making friends with them.
You should not dig it to see how the carrot grow every time, just leave
it for another couple of months. It will grow if you sow properly
unless you dig it very often. So I don't think he will bring up the topic
every time we see if he is following exactly what this guy says.
So we never know if it was just a suggestion or he is still expecting
us to be his carrots or not. Also I don't think he keeps asking us
if he has sown a lot of seeds because he can afford to take all the time he needs.
He doesn't need to be in a rush.

The problem is that he is too good to forget about!!
I know we will know what he is actually taking us for in time
but if possible I want to know that in no time.

[15] mixiユーザー 01月05日 23:52

Missionaries do this too, in Psychology its referred to as "Peer influence"

Planting seeds of thought. Eventually you water it and it grows.

[16] mixiユーザー 01月15日 13:34

He may be a nice guy but even if they are nice if they are looking at your money they are not a true friend.

I met an old high school friend last year. He was so nice and it was good to see him by chance. But then he gave me an MLM business card. I felt the same way as you.

Those kind of people, even if they are kind...ultimately I think they are not worth being friends with. Even if they become a good friend, they will see your friends as potential customers.

So it ruins the mood of the friendship.

[17] mixiユーザー 01月15日 16:27

sounds a tough question.

If I were him, I wouldn`t do such a thing to my friends.

I love my friends. It is great to do something nice to them `cause they are part of my life.

Look at this question. what is friends? It doesn`t mean somebody causes you a trouble or something potentially bad.

You now know what is the answer.

[18] mixiユーザー 01月15日 17:24

This happened to me once. I walked into a coffee house, got my coffee and sat down to drink it. Suddenly, this seemingly "nice" guy walks up to me and acted like I was his long-lost friend. We were chatting a bit over coffee, but then he suddenly brings up this MLM stuff and I had no idea what he was talking about at first. I realized that it was a scam, and I excused myself. I said "Sorry but I'm not interested in MLM" and walked away, but before I left, I reported him to the manager as a "solicitor."
Sometimes, these MLM "solicitors" hang out in public places like coffee houses, or bars and pretend to be costumers. They wait and look for people who appear to be nice, alone, and easy to talk to. They usually approach people who are alone, so try to be with your friends when you go places. Be careful

[19] mixiユーザー 01月15日 23:53

I've gone to NM (network marketing) meetings with friends, and researched NM on the Net. I think it's safe to say that people who seriously do NM/MLM are likely to damage whatever friendships they have, because they simply appear less genuine if they try to sell their program/products.

OP, I think you can keep in touch with the guy if you want, but don't get too close until he's stopped doing MLM.

[20] mixiユーザー 01月16日 09:43

I'd tell him to fuck off. I can't stand people involved with pyramid schemes. It's just annoying. I had a friend that got real into selling these silly video phones, I eventually just stopped hanging out with him.

[21] mixiユーザー 01月16日 19:41

It`s just an alternative way of working and making a living. Can`t blame anyone for that. You are either interested or you are not. Period. Don`t "add" anything else to it. This person just happens to be one of your friends that is into MLM business. Just accept it as that and stop judging them. One day you might need to take that same road for whatever reason. There are many types of businesses. Not everything is a scam. Use common sense and only do what you really want to do and you will never have anyone else to blame but yourself.

[22] mixiユーザー 01月17日 02:57

Having read everybody's opinions here
made it a bit easier for me
to decide not to see him anymore.
Since he mentioned about his business,
I just simply could not thank him
emailing me just to ask how I was.
Before that, I was very glad he did it for me.
What a lonely woman I was
being pleased with such a false friendship!! LOL
I will take a step forward anyway.

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