Does this happen to anyone else? Surely it does...
Every month or so I get a random friend request, usually along the lines of "zomg you speak english, cool! lets be friends.
"
I use mixi to keep in contact with my friends, to see how they're doing, etc. I mean, yes, it's great practice for my Japanese, but that's not my primary motivation. Even if it was, though, that's understandible: someone joining Japanese websites to force themselves to use the language. I changes the language the base language of my computer to Japanese simply for more practice.
What I'm saying is, I understand like everyone else here how difficult it is to learn a second language, how much dedication and drive it takes to become even passible (because that's bearly what I am, at best). I don't want to be mean, but I feel so...used, when I get those kind of messages. I also don't really know how to respond, or what they really expect.
Am I...am I suppose to send the message back corrected, and calmly explain every single grammar mistake I noticed? Because that's not usually the purpose of keeping an online blog, that more along the lines of a language-help site. It's stressful. And if that's not what they want (we usually end up just talking in Japanese), then I don't understand why they felt the need to seek me out rather than sticking to the forums, or perhaps making a post requesting a language partner rather than imposing on the first foreigner they run across and assuming they are just waiting for an opportunity to be used.
I've mostly accepted them; they're usually harmless and polite, and I like getting to know new people as long as it's a give and take. But this last one I got really bothered me and made me wonder if I was wrong to feel a little offended. The original request was cold and presumptuous, and when I sent him a message in Japanese politely asking how he found my site, and telling him I don't really like to use English here, his reply was demeaning and accusatory.
Anyone else have this problem/care to advise, explain, or share?
Every month or so I get a random friend request, usually along the lines of "zomg you speak english, cool! lets be friends.
" I use mixi to keep in contact with my friends, to see how they're doing, etc. I mean, yes, it's great practice for my Japanese, but that's not my primary motivation. Even if it was, though, that's understandible: someone joining Japanese websites to force themselves to use the language. I changes the language the base language of my computer to Japanese simply for more practice.
What I'm saying is, I understand like everyone else here how difficult it is to learn a second language, how much dedication and drive it takes to become even passible (because that's bearly what I am, at best). I don't want to be mean, but I feel so...used, when I get those kind of messages. I also don't really know how to respond, or what they really expect.
Am I...am I suppose to send the message back corrected, and calmly explain every single grammar mistake I noticed? Because that's not usually the purpose of keeping an online blog, that more along the lines of a language-help site. It's stressful. And if that's not what they want (we usually end up just talking in Japanese), then I don't understand why they felt the need to seek me out rather than sticking to the forums, or perhaps making a post requesting a language partner rather than imposing on the first foreigner they run across and assuming they are just waiting for an opportunity to be used.
I've mostly accepted them; they're usually harmless and polite, and I like getting to know new people as long as it's a give and take. But this last one I got really bothered me and made me wonder if I was wrong to feel a little offended. The original request was cold and presumptuous, and when I sent him a message in Japanese politely asking how he found my site, and telling him I don't really like to use English here, his reply was demeaning and accusatory.
Anyone else have this problem/care to advise, explain, or share?
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コメント(19)
i do not think that whether they use me or not in terms of talking in different languages. While i am talking to somebody eventually i leran his/her culture, mindset, environment exct. Therefore talking to foreigners is both fun and a learning experience. I add anybody who sends friendship request.
PeaCe
スハ
PeaCe
スハ
I think that this is a personal choice. If some want to help in teaching another language or not.
I agree with what ととろ said about learning from foreigners. I am non native English speaker so helping others will make me work harder to answer. At the same time they can help me to improve my weak Japaneses.
best regards.
I agree with what ととろ said about learning from foreigners. I am non native English speaker so helping others will make me work harder to answer. At the same time they can help me to improve my weak Japaneses.
best regards.
There is no need to accept anyone who sends you a friendship request to your mixi, friend or otherwise. Remember you are online. You can expect people you don't know to contact you. Its like walking into a bar or a shop you like. Other people are there cos they like it, or someone recommended it to them too. Some of them do have really awful English. So what. Its always a challenge to take the awkwardness out of meeting new people. Sometimes you will send a couple of messages back and forth, then invite them. Or delete them its your choice. And by the same token, many long time users of Japanese can make pretty clumsy invitations trying to make new friends, increase the size of their network (thereby meeting like-minded people) or just having some fun. If you are using this to meet people, no problem. There are heaps of ways to change your privacy settings, block people or lock photo albums etc. if you feel that is necessary. But just because someone wants to practice English with you, doesn't necessarily mean they are boring.
I used to feel the same way, however this was with random Chinese people adding me on Skype. They didn't ask to be online friends or anything like that, they knew I spoke English and automatically assumed that I would be their 'English teacher'. At first I thought it was rude, but then I noticed that they did not mean to be this way, that's just how many of them are.
I love helping others with English, because in my country it seems that there's the impression that foreigners should be forced to speak fluent English. It's a subtle thing and us locals wouldn't realise, but the foreigners do. So whenever I have someone message me saying that they learn English or whatever, I generally feel happy, especially if they say they enjoy it.
Sorry about my rambling again, bit off-topic. I guess we should be happy that Japanese on a Japanese blog/community websites are taking such keen interests in foreign cultures and countries :)
I love helping others with English, because in my country it seems that there's the impression that foreigners should be forced to speak fluent English. It's a subtle thing and us locals wouldn't realise, but the foreigners do. So whenever I have someone message me saying that they learn English or whatever, I generally feel happy, especially if they say they enjoy it.
Sorry about my rambling again, bit off-topic. I guess we should be happy that Japanese on a Japanese blog/community websites are taking such keen interests in foreign cultures and countries :)
I occasionally get those kind of messages, but I get more messages from people not interested in English, but basically saying 'please be friends with me' in Japanese... without telling me anything about themselves, or giving me any reason to want to be friends with them! I don't get it!!
I think that most recent guy was a one-off though... some people are just inept like that. Once, a woman noticed that I'm an illustrator and sent me a friend request... then the very same week she expected me to do some illustration work for her for free!! And when I refused, she user-blocked me!!
I think that most recent guy was a one-off though... some people are just inept like that. Once, a woman noticed that I'm an illustrator and sent me a friend request... then the very same week she expected me to do some illustration work for her for free!! And when I refused, she user-blocked me!!
I feel sorry to hear that. Because I'm Japanese.
But I understand. Friend Request only for learning English is very rude. English speakers aren't English teachers. They just want to have a oppotunity to speak or write English, because there are few oportunity to speak English in Japan.
If you want to learn Japanese, just ask them Exchange, otherwise, please refuse them as you don't want to teach English!! I think they need to know what a rude request they have done.
But I understand. Friend Request only for learning English is very rude. English speakers aren't English teachers. They just want to have a oppotunity to speak or write English, because there are few oportunity to speak English in Japan.
If you want to learn Japanese, just ask them Exchange, otherwise, please refuse them as you don't want to teach English!! I think they need to know what a rude request they have done.
I want to echo what skatelate said. If someone wants to add you and you don't feel comfortable... don't add them! And if someone's rude to you... well, not dignifying them with a response would probably be best. Internet trolls feed off of attention.
For myself, I'm generally most comfortable adding people who are my friends offline or who are friends of my friends. I have however, met some pretty cool strangers on MIXI and we've added each other.
As for the inconvenience of Japanese MIXI users asking you to teach them English - well, you are using a foreign language (English) on a primarily Japanese website. People are going to be naturally curious, and frankly, there's plenty of worst things in the world than people asking you to teach them English...
For myself, I'm generally most comfortable adding people who are my friends offline or who are friends of my friends. I have however, met some pretty cool strangers on MIXI and we've added each other.
As for the inconvenience of Japanese MIXI users asking you to teach them English - well, you are using a foreign language (English) on a primarily Japanese website. People are going to be naturally curious, and frankly, there's plenty of worst things in the world than people asking you to teach them English...
thanks for all the responses...heh.
＞チカコ
This is a JAPANESE site. I think I'm entitled to reply in the common language of the site. And no one is a foreigner here, it's the INTERNET, currently an "inter"national "net"work. We're all on the same page, here. Literally.
＞リラックミリ
I know, right? haha
＞Trentyboi
yeah...but that kind of makes me feel bad, too, like I'll always be singled out as "the gaijin" rather than just another person on mixi who wants to keep in contact with her friends. I agree with you, though...it's one of the problems I have with Americans: they expect everyone to learn their language without making an effort to learn anyone else's.
cheers〜
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I seriously don't mind being an English teacher. I'm almost always willing to help out, because I understand how difficult it is! Even though I usually only add real-life friends or friends of friends here, I have also met some strangers I've taken a liking to, and we've added each other.
But as to my using english on this site, I rarely, rarely do. If someone wants to do a language exchange, I've done that several times. We usually write in both English and Japanese, so it's helpful to both parties.
Seriously, I wouldn't mind it at all, save that this particular request was quite rude, like he thought my sole purpose on this site was to help people with English. If he would have taken 5 seconds to look at my page, however, he would have noticed but a single English post on my entire blog in the last two years, and that was written two days ago.
And as to my responding to him in Japanese...perhaps I should have responded in English, but I was trying to make a point. I don't think that his English was so bad that he had to be rude to get his point across, as one usually learns how first to be polite in a language, yes? *sigh* I don't know, I'm also really, really stressed right now, so that probably has something to do with how I'm taking all this. I usually attribute rudeness to a misunderstanding, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood the past few days.
I feel like a bad person, haha.
＞チカコ
This is a JAPANESE site. I think I'm entitled to reply in the common language of the site. And no one is a foreigner here, it's the INTERNET, currently an "inter"national "net"work. We're all on the same page, here. Literally.
＞リラックミリ
I know, right? haha
＞Trentyboi
yeah...but that kind of makes me feel bad, too, like I'll always be singled out as "the gaijin" rather than just another person on mixi who wants to keep in contact with her friends. I agree with you, though...it's one of the problems I have with Americans: they expect everyone to learn their language without making an effort to learn anyone else's.
cheers〜
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I seriously don't mind being an English teacher. I'm almost always willing to help out, because I understand how difficult it is! Even though I usually only add real-life friends or friends of friends here, I have also met some strangers I've taken a liking to, and we've added each other.
But as to my using english on this site, I rarely, rarely do. If someone wants to do a language exchange, I've done that several times. We usually write in both English and Japanese, so it's helpful to both parties.
Seriously, I wouldn't mind it at all, save that this particular request was quite rude, like he thought my sole purpose on this site was to help people with English. If he would have taken 5 seconds to look at my page, however, he would have noticed but a single English post on my entire blog in the last two years, and that was written two days ago.
And as to my responding to him in Japanese...perhaps I should have responded in English, but I was trying to make a point. I don't think that his English was so bad that he had to be rude to get his point across, as one usually learns how first to be polite in a language, yes? *sigh* I don't know, I'm also really, really stressed right now, so that probably has something to do with how I'm taking all this. I usually attribute rudeness to a misunderstanding, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood the past few days.
I feel like a bad person, haha.
I get requests like that about once a month. Maybe a little more frequently if I post in a language related group.
I don't mind getting requests, in fact I take it as a small complement most of the time. I've joined a fair number of language exchange mixi groups, and mentioned that I'm learning Japanese on my profile, so that's enough of an invitation.
What bugs me a little is people who send a 10 word or less introduction and expect me to add them. I know it's just a website, but I like look at my mixi friends list and know that I've enjoyed talking to every one of them, rather than just adding people to boost my numbers.
I also like to look at peoples friend's list before talking to them. For example, if someone has nothing but semi-naked girls or dozens of buff western guys with no shirts, I won't even bother replying them. Sorry folks, but your choice of friends reflects on you.
Sometimes I just don't have the time to send a lengthy message to everyone who contacts me. I'm sure most of them are probably nice people, but time constraints are a hassle.
If someone talks in entirely in Japanese, then it's probably not going to last very long, because it's far too time-consuming for me to figure out what they are saying and reply regularly.
If someone uses Kanji all the time, and ignores me when I repeatedly say "ごめんあさい， かんじ わかりません", then that's probably going to be a short lived exchange too.
All in all, I really like getting messages from genuinely nice people who want help with their English, as long as they are forgiving of my shockingly bad Japanese.
I don't mind getting requests, in fact I take it as a small complement most of the time. I've joined a fair number of language exchange mixi groups, and mentioned that I'm learning Japanese on my profile, so that's enough of an invitation.
What bugs me a little is people who send a 10 word or less introduction and expect me to add them. I know it's just a website, but I like look at my mixi friends list and know that I've enjoyed talking to every one of them, rather than just adding people to boost my numbers.
I also like to look at peoples friend's list before talking to them. For example, if someone has nothing but semi-naked girls or dozens of buff western guys with no shirts, I won't even bother replying them. Sorry folks, but your choice of friends reflects on you.
Sometimes I just don't have the time to send a lengthy message to everyone who contacts me. I'm sure most of them are probably nice people, but time constraints are a hassle.
If someone talks in entirely in Japanese, then it's probably not going to last very long, because it's far too time-consuming for me to figure out what they are saying and reply regularly.
If someone uses Kanji all the time, and ignores me when I repeatedly say "ごめんあさい， かんじ わかりません", then that's probably going to be a short lived exchange too.
All in all, I really like getting messages from genuinely nice people who want help with their English, as long as they are forgiving of my shockingly bad Japanese.
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