Take a moment gentle reader and try to imagine the following:
A small, poorly ventilated metal room packed full of bodies so tight that it’s often impossible to reach up to scratch ones nose and all the while this metal shell is rock, rock, rocking about precariously, zipping along underground.
You’re blessed with the occasional blast of semi-fresh air every 4-5 minutes however this may or may not be accompanied by evermore suit and tie clad, brief case/shoulder bag equipped bodies being packed into the cramped stuffy can.
Thus is the joy that is Marunouchi line on a Monday morning.
Twice a day, every working day of the week Marunouchi, like all train lines in greater Tokyo is packed full of humans, to an absurd capacity. This spectacle is repeated no place else on earth to such a degree. It defies logic and is to anyone not from Tokyo, a living nightmare. Although this occurs in the morning and the evening during the respective rush hours, the morning train has a particularly nasty aura about it. A cloud of discontent makes boarding the “rocket coffin” difficult and the ride itself abysmal.
Nobody wants to be on that train.
Nobody.
Now as unpleasant as all this is for all of us, the situation could be slightly more tolerable if everyone would heed this:
NEW RULE…Marunouchi line is NOT your bedroom
To help illustrate how necessary the New Rule is please be patient while I highlight some of the rude, tacky, classless, annoying and often disgusting things that we all need not do on the subway (or on any train for that matter).
1. Put your Face on at home.
As adept and skilled as Japanese women are with Cosmetics I do not need to see the actual technique of application on the train. Its rude and generally a tacky turn off… at best. I find it astonishing that in hyper image conscious Tokyo this is going on. So while you whip out your tools and go to work painting your mask on your face (because yes it is a MASK, a LIE, you don’t really look like that deceiver) I am watching you, most likely disgusted. Please, apply your make up at home. The NO TIME excuse isn’t working, get up 10 minutes early.
Remember “Seken-no-mei” Eyes of the world are watching.
2. Dude, get dressed at home.
So as we all know, that morning train…it’s gonna be very crowded. There’s hardly room to breath yet astonishingly enough some guy is trying to put his necktie on.
It seems there are two very reasonable choices here. Either put it on at home or wait till you get to work (or as least your station) because while your fumbling around, bumping into me and elbowing the cute girl next to you in the head I’m dreaming about choking you to death with your color coordinated strip if doom neck tie.
I know you have to be a good little android when you get in the office, but do a systems check before you leave home.
Same deal, wake up 10 minutes early and get dress at home.
3. Move out of the Damn way
It’s just inevitable. It’s my station ,thank god and I can de-board, collect myself mentally, minimize the trauma, perhaps suppress the rage, no more moaning and thrashing in my sleep do to the nightmares, I escaped, I survived and maybe I wont pee in my bed tonight the relief is massive, and its get to the office to hurry up and get the day over with and hopefully retire to a bar, Izakaya or my home for liquid therapy courtesy of Dr. Bombay or the love of my life Ms. Long Island Iced Tea but… wait…the doors open, I’m moving toward freedom yet here is one idiot (male or female, you choose) who feels that they for whatever reason don’t need to move. This fool is in fact completely blocking the exit and they are NOT MOVING.
Options for me here are slim. I can become a contortionist and “Houdini” myself off the train or I can remove this person from my path bodily. It’s all just annoying, antagonizing, another therapy session.
So take a step off the train, let people exit and then re-board.
One doesn’t even have to wake up early in order to do this.
4. Gaijin and High school students, SHUTUP
What is it?
0830?
I’m tired, she’s tired, and he’s tired nobody wants to be here. Brooding in the god given silence of the morning train is all anyone has left at this point but then, of course its two French guys or 5 tourist from Texas bellowing about things that nobody else gives a damn about. “Still Cant baleeb they don cook the fish hare!” God almighty. The voice of this mongoloid penetrates at what seems to be object shattering decibels.
If it’s not that, then it’s even worse. 4 or 5 high school students who create a wall of noise almost as oppressive as the wall of salary men piling in at every station.
Please, control your volume. The silence on the morning train in Tokyo is genuinely a phenomenon. Let’s just enjoy observing it.
5. Your body cavities…Jesus.
Do not, Do not, Do not dig in your ears on the train. It is vile. Vomit inducing. You are asking for, requesting even a violent homicidal response from someone...probably with an axe or some kind of power tool.
The only thing that surpasses this little oyaji past time is nose Mining, some guy digging in his nostril, extracting something, inspecting it and then discarding it god knows where. You in fact, deserve to die…and I mean the hard goodbye.
Just do not do this.
6. Brush AFTER breakfast.
Last but by no means least….Brush your damn teeth AFTER you eat Breakfast. We are all compressed together. I can’t avoid this.
Your breath is so rank and awful, I’m spending the next four minutes before the doors open and I am able to adjust myself, contemplating how I can pull of a suicide attempt without the use of my arms which are pinned, helpless and limp at my sides.
I’m sure your natto/rice/soy sauce/sashimi/kimchi/coffee breakfast really hit the spot, but it’s made your breath comparable to what Id expect from making out with a 3 week old corpse.
Brush, Brush, Brush after breakfast.
10 minutes early people.
It’s a short list here I put together. Just the immediate and pressing issues that in my opinion are too much to bare. Lets all strive to make our communal Commute more tolerable for everyone…because I do, in fact, own power tools.
A small, poorly ventilated metal room packed full of bodies so tight that it’s often impossible to reach up to scratch ones nose and all the while this metal shell is rock, rock, rocking about precariously, zipping along underground.
You’re blessed with the occasional blast of semi-fresh air every 4-5 minutes however this may or may not be accompanied by evermore suit and tie clad, brief case/shoulder bag equipped bodies being packed into the cramped stuffy can.
Thus is the joy that is Marunouchi line on a Monday morning.
Twice a day, every working day of the week Marunouchi, like all train lines in greater Tokyo is packed full of humans, to an absurd capacity. This spectacle is repeated no place else on earth to such a degree. It defies logic and is to anyone not from Tokyo, a living nightmare. Although this occurs in the morning and the evening during the respective rush hours, the morning train has a particularly nasty aura about it. A cloud of discontent makes boarding the “rocket coffin” difficult and the ride itself abysmal.
Nobody wants to be on that train.
Nobody.
Now as unpleasant as all this is for all of us, the situation could be slightly more tolerable if everyone would heed this:
NEW RULE…Marunouchi line is NOT your bedroom
To help illustrate how necessary the New Rule is please be patient while I highlight some of the rude, tacky, classless, annoying and often disgusting things that we all need not do on the subway (or on any train for that matter).
1. Put your Face on at home.
As adept and skilled as Japanese women are with Cosmetics I do not need to see the actual technique of application on the train. Its rude and generally a tacky turn off… at best. I find it astonishing that in hyper image conscious Tokyo this is going on. So while you whip out your tools and go to work painting your mask on your face (because yes it is a MASK, a LIE, you don’t really look like that deceiver) I am watching you, most likely disgusted. Please, apply your make up at home. The NO TIME excuse isn’t working, get up 10 minutes early.
Remember “Seken-no-mei” Eyes of the world are watching.
2. Dude, get dressed at home.
So as we all know, that morning train…it’s gonna be very crowded. There’s hardly room to breath yet astonishingly enough some guy is trying to put his necktie on.
It seems there are two very reasonable choices here. Either put it on at home or wait till you get to work (or as least your station) because while your fumbling around, bumping into me and elbowing the cute girl next to you in the head I’m dreaming about choking you to death with your color coordinated strip if doom neck tie.
I know you have to be a good little android when you get in the office, but do a systems check before you leave home.
Same deal, wake up 10 minutes early and get dress at home.
3. Move out of the Damn way
It’s just inevitable. It’s my station ,thank god and I can de-board, collect myself mentally, minimize the trauma, perhaps suppress the rage, no more moaning and thrashing in my sleep do to the nightmares, I escaped, I survived and maybe I wont pee in my bed tonight the relief is massive, and its get to the office to hurry up and get the day over with and hopefully retire to a bar, Izakaya or my home for liquid therapy courtesy of Dr. Bombay or the love of my life Ms. Long Island Iced Tea but… wait…the doors open, I’m moving toward freedom yet here is one idiot (male or female, you choose) who feels that they for whatever reason don’t need to move. This fool is in fact completely blocking the exit and they are NOT MOVING.
Options for me here are slim. I can become a contortionist and “Houdini” myself off the train or I can remove this person from my path bodily. It’s all just annoying, antagonizing, another therapy session.
So take a step off the train, let people exit and then re-board.
One doesn’t even have to wake up early in order to do this.
4. Gaijin and High school students, SHUTUP
What is it?
0830?
I’m tired, she’s tired, and he’s tired nobody wants to be here. Brooding in the god given silence of the morning train is all anyone has left at this point but then, of course its two French guys or 5 tourist from Texas bellowing about things that nobody else gives a damn about. “Still Cant baleeb they don cook the fish hare!” God almighty. The voice of this mongoloid penetrates at what seems to be object shattering decibels.
If it’s not that, then it’s even worse. 4 or 5 high school students who create a wall of noise almost as oppressive as the wall of salary men piling in at every station.
Please, control your volume. The silence on the morning train in Tokyo is genuinely a phenomenon. Let’s just enjoy observing it.
5. Your body cavities…Jesus.
Do not, Do not, Do not dig in your ears on the train. It is vile. Vomit inducing. You are asking for, requesting even a violent homicidal response from someone...probably with an axe or some kind of power tool.
The only thing that surpasses this little oyaji past time is nose Mining, some guy digging in his nostril, extracting something, inspecting it and then discarding it god knows where. You in fact, deserve to die…and I mean the hard goodbye.
Just do not do this.
6. Brush AFTER breakfast.
Last but by no means least….Brush your damn teeth AFTER you eat Breakfast. We are all compressed together. I can’t avoid this.
Your breath is so rank and awful, I’m spending the next four minutes before the doors open and I am able to adjust myself, contemplating how I can pull of a suicide attempt without the use of my arms which are pinned, helpless and limp at my sides.
I’m sure your natto/rice/soy sauce/sashimi/kimchi/coffee breakfast really hit the spot, but it’s made your breath comparable to what Id expect from making out with a 3 week old corpse.
Brush, Brush, Brush after breakfast.
10 minutes early people.
It’s a short list here I put together. Just the immediate and pressing issues that in my opinion are too much to bare. Lets all strive to make our communal Commute more tolerable for everyone…because I do, in fact, own power tools.
|
|
|
|
コメント(30)
Archangel is speaking for all of us. :) Personally I just knock people out of the way if they are stupid enough not to move when the doors open. And if they mumble anything at all " Enter theDragon" ( lets just pray that never happens). So far it has not happened :) For all the other stuff I just move to a nicer area of the car. If that is not possible I just bare with it and change cars at the next stop. You have to be careful. Someone will inevitably tell you to " go back to your own country" if you are that offended. But I still agree with you.
and
why odaky line people like to read news paper or books in morning
train
are they so smarter than the others or stupider than ,,,,,
why don't they think of it, if they give up to read their book to read,
one more person has permit to exist there,,,
once,it was yurakutyo-line, in morning train,one gentle man used my shoulder as his witting desk .
his book was on my shoulder but it is not yours ,gentleman ,,,,,,
okay ,i know it , the train is not for human but objects,,,,,
why odaky line people like to read news paper or books in morning
train
are they so smarter than the others or stupider than ,,,,,
why don't they think of it, if they give up to read their book to read,
one more person has permit to exist there,,,
once,it was yurakutyo-line, in morning train,one gentle man used my shoulder as his witting desk .
his book was on my shoulder but it is not yours ,gentleman ,,,,,,
okay ,i know it , the train is not for human but objects,,,,,
Funny list! 
Haha am I the only person who didn`t care about women putting on makeup on the train? I just found it somewhat amusing. I used to get a kick out of watching guys stare at themselves in the reflections of the windows too.
I`m living in Maryland now and I always find myself comparing the Tokyo train systems to the one that runs through the Maryland/Washington DC/Virginia area (called the Metro). One thing I like about the Metro that bugged me about trains in Japan is: Eating and drinking are NOT allowed. You can get a hefty find if you have food on the trains. One time I was on a train in Tokyo and got stuck sitting next to some girl eating a bowl of spaghetti! And bread people, crumbs are NOT a fashion statement! And food smells can be pretty bad smelling at times too. I don`t wanna smell your natto or McDonald`s on the train!
Haha am I the only person who didn`t care about women putting on makeup on the train? I just found it somewhat amusing. I used to get a kick out of watching guys stare at themselves in the reflections of the windows too.
I`m living in Maryland now and I always find myself comparing the Tokyo train systems to the one that runs through the Maryland/Washington DC/Virginia area (called the Metro). One thing I like about the Metro that bugged me about trains in Japan is: Eating and drinking are NOT allowed. You can get a hefty find if you have food on the trains. One time I was on a train in Tokyo and got stuck sitting next to some girl eating a bowl of spaghetti! And bread people, crumbs are NOT a fashion statement! And food smells can be pretty bad smelling at times too. I don`t wanna smell your natto or McDonald`s on the train!
Banna,
Quite honestly, I just don't understand why some people are bothered by women putting on makeup on the bus/train. They're not noisy. They don't smell bad. They don't take up nearly as much space as the bastard reading a newspaper right next to you. I live in Seattle. I take the bus to commute every day. Those who talk loudly on their cellphones (yes, that's not banned here) drive me crazy. Girls putting on makeup are nothing compared to them!
Quite honestly, I just don't understand why some people are bothered by women putting on makeup on the bus/train. They're not noisy. They don't smell bad. They don't take up nearly as much space as the bastard reading a newspaper right next to you. I live in Seattle. I take the bus to commute every day. Those who talk loudly on their cellphones (yes, that's not banned here) drive me crazy. Girls putting on makeup are nothing compared to them!
I was catching the train a few months ago. It was very crowded on the platform and it was difficult to see anything but the door. I quickly jumped into the first open seat blocking elbows and knees. The train was packed in seconds. I didn`t notice anything wrong until a very cute girl setting next to me started talking to me. At first I didn`t catch what she was saying because I was imagining that she was just being friendly. When the fog cleared from my brain I realized what she was saying. " This is a Ladies only car dick head!" I thought she wanted my body :( But all she wanted to do was tell me that i was fucking up by sitting in the wrong car. I was pissed, embarrassed and quickly moved to the community car. I think the women only cars are over kill and
not fare equal treatment. We don`t have men only cars !
not fare equal treatment. We don`t have men only cars !
HAHAHA! This was really funny, however the makeup rule should really only be in effect for those who stand and apply. If they are sitting it isn't so bad unless they have a whole SEPHORA (insert other major make-up boutiques here) makeup counter in their lap and things are falling about and spilling.
All in all good job nailing the nuances and annoyances of the daily commute.
All in all good job nailing the nuances and annoyances of the daily commute.
For the sake of "social satire", the one thing that annoys me about trains in Japan is that guys don't give up their sests for women.
I give up my seat for older ladies and the pregnant women.
Sometimes a guy will try to elbow his way in... he gets a very firm response from me.
Tokyo-OG-san
I guess the ladies only cars are there to protect women from sexual harassment.
There are not too many women who molest guys on the train.
Although there was the one time on the Hibiya line, when I met a "very friendly" chijo...
I give up my seat for older ladies and the pregnant women.
Sometimes a guy will try to elbow his way in... he gets a very firm response from me.
Tokyo-OG-san
I guess the ladies only cars are there to protect women from sexual harassment.
There are not too many women who molest guys on the train.
Although there was the one time on the Hibiya line, when I met a "very friendly" chijo...
Although I do remember a couple of times that I got pressed up against a very sexy lady or two.
And of course it was better than being pressed up against a smelly old guy. But again... the root of the problem is over crowding. If they limited the number of people allowed on each car the entire problem would be solved. They just might need to add several more cars at peak times.
Ladies would have a choice to not board a car that appears too crowded for them. Why can`t we get these things solved without mandatory regulations being imposed.
I know why... because some people are jerks... but I still hope for better days.
And of course it was better than being pressed up against a smelly old guy. But again... the root of the problem is over crowding. If they limited the number of people allowed on each car the entire problem would be solved. They just might need to add several more cars at peak times.
Ladies would have a choice to not board a car that appears too crowded for them. Why can`t we get these things solved without mandatory regulations being imposed.
I know why... because some people are jerks... but I still hope for better days.
TokyoOG,
>> If they limited the number of people allowed on each car the entire problem
>> would be solved. They just might need to add several more cars at peak times.
You're kidding, right? If you've lived in Tokyo, you know that's impossible to implement. The platforms are already full of passengers waiting for the next trains, and you can only have as many cars as fit the length of the platform.
To solve the problem, they'll need to change the Tokyo-centric economic system in Japan. Anything other than that would be, IMO, a temporary fix.
>> Ladies would have a choice to not board a car that appears too crowded for
>> them.
They would if they wouldn't mind waiting at the platform all day long. :)
>> If they limited the number of people allowed on each car the entire problem
>> would be solved. They just might need to add several more cars at peak times.
You're kidding, right? If you've lived in Tokyo, you know that's impossible to implement. The platforms are already full of passengers waiting for the next trains, and you can only have as many cars as fit the length of the platform.
To solve the problem, they'll need to change the Tokyo-centric economic system in Japan. Anything other than that would be, IMO, a temporary fix.
>> Ladies would have a choice to not board a car that appears too crowded for
>> them.
They would if they wouldn't mind waiting at the platform all day long. :)
I guess you wouldn't appreciate this? It is a short film me and some friends made :)
Tolerance is required in small packed spaces.
Of the things you mentioned not so many bother me. One that does is eating SMELLY FOOD on the train.
Another is playing music from your cell phone! If you have an ipod or earphone for your cell phone then it's your right to listen if you want, but in london often you get stupid people playing their very annoying music really loud so all the carriage can hear, it's a real pain.
- mixiユーザー
- ログインしてコメントしよう！
|
|
|
|
☆ENGLISH ONLY☆ 更新情報
-
最新のアンケート
