魔界塔士ＳａＧａコミュのサガを英語にする

アメリカのサイトでサガのグループを作ってたんだけれども、英訳版があまりにも米人には理解不能だったので、英訳を頼まれました
とりあえず、核シェルターで手帳を見つけるところと最期のかみとの会話のとこを自分なりに作ってみました。。。

（核ばくだんを見つける）

There is the pocketbook on the ground.

"......We finally took to this nuclear shelter.
For sustaining limited amounts of water and foods, I barely had this, but given to my children.
But I am done....
Ken, Yuki, forgive me for leaving you.
Akira, please look after Ken and Yuki.
O, God, please protect my children for giving my life.
I...a..."

you find "Nuclear Bomb"

（神との遭遇）

God: You finally made it, Congraturation! You are the first one who win "this game"

You: Game?

God: Yes! The magnificant story I had created!

You: What do you mean?

God: Asura disordered this world, making it more interesting for a while. But I had been even bored with him.

You: ...and you had created this game.

God: Yes, exactly!
I wanted to see "the hero" who overcomes "the evil" at the end.

You: so, you wrote this whole story.

God: You understand very quickly. Many have failed my "game", but It is very exciting to see tiny human beings struggling to survive even they are destined to die.
I want to thank you for my pleasure. I will grant you any wish.

You: We didn't do it for your reward! Damn you for making us "your toys"

God: What is wrong with that? I created everything.

You: We are not your belongings!

God: Picking a fight with God....what funny creatures you are

God: Are you really sure?...so this is the Saga of mortals...
Very Well, I will show you the greatness of my power!

実際の英訳サガと比べてどうでしょうか？。。あまり変わってない？
http://xb_lim.at.infoseek.co.jp/gbffl1/serihu.htm