皆さん ありがとうございます。 昨日旦那さんがお母さんと叔父にメールをしてくれました。旦那さんも私の気持ちをわかってくれて 一緒に苦しんでいると思うと 辛くなります。
> Hi,
>
> I am writing to ask for your help.
>
> We need to come up with a plan on what we are going to do about grandpa. We need
> to make a decision and go forward with it. The current situation has to change,
> it cannot remain the way it has been. Things have been extremely challenging
> this past year, and it isn't getting easier. In fact, it is getting harder, much
> much faster.
>
>
> We have tried to do our best in taking care of grandpa, but in doing so, we have
> ended up so stressed out, and now our marriage is up in the air.
>
>
> We fight everynight for months now, and now it is very bad. Nao is so stressed
> out, she is physically suffering. She hasn't been able to sleep for months, she
> is up all night. She completely stopped having her period, due to stress.
>
>
> This stress isn't from having the responsibility of taking care of grandpa. It
> is from what comes from it.
>
>
>
When she decided to give up everything in Japan to come marry me, she did not
> think or expect to fall into the situation we are in now. Nobody did. None of us
> would have planned something like this. However, it is what it is. Her dream was
> to get married, be newlyweds, and eventually start a family.
> We waited a year to take our honeymoon, and it was the most amazing 3 weeks. We
> have never had that much time alone together. But reality hit, and we came home
> back to real life. Because I work everyday, I get home at 6p, which gives me
> time to eat dinner, and be with her for a few hours, which seems to be just
> enough time to get into an argument, then go to sleep. Only to wake up, and
> repeat the same pattern day after day. She is so stressed out, because she is
> home all day with grandpa 24/7. She has nobody to talk to. She has no friends
> here, no family. She is stuck here like this little house is her prison. She
> waits all day for me to come home so she can talk to me. I am at work all day
> talking talking, and when I come home, I am wishing to relax, unwind, and get
> rid of some of the stress from the day. Nao is trying to talk to me, and I am
> trying to find quiet, and this is what causes a lot of fighting. I have tried
> really hard to remember her view, and tried to be there for her.
>
I have also tried to do more for grandpa, so she isn't having to do everything.
> She does everything though, from the moment she wakes up, until she goes to
> sleep. I always try to help, but it can never be enough to share her load.
> She doesn't know what her purpose is. She feels she is living only to take care
> of grandpa. Now if this was a job, it would be completely different, but this is
> not a job. There is no clocking out and going home, and days off. This is
> 24/7/365. She doesn't have her own life, let alone a life with me.
> Her biggest concern is she wants to have a baby. But the condition she is in,
> and we are all in here, it is impossible. For one, her body is all screwed up
> from no sleep, and stress. She probably can't and definitely shouldn't try and
> get pregnant like this. And if she did, there is no way she can do what she is
> doing now, while trying to stay healthy to have a baby.
> I realize we are the youngest, and that we have it the easiest to be grandpa's
> caretakers. That we always have more time to start our family. I just wonder how
> long we should put everything on hold. As much as we try to gaman and ganbaru,
> we are running out of time. Nao is ready to go back to Japan, and naturally, she
> wants me to go with her.
> I cannot just pick up everything and leave, and turn my back on my family here.
> And she doesn't want that either. She wants to go to Japan and work, so she can
> help contribute. I have so much debt that I have tried and tried to pay off. it
> is constantly there though, and so hard to dig out of. Everytime I think I have
> the upperhand, something comes up, and I take a huge hit. Just like this week.
> It was payday, but most of my check went to the autoshop. Car trouble isn't
> something that is planned, so when I got hit with the $950 bill, it hurt. Last
> month, same thing, when I had to buy all new tires. It's so hard to pay off
> debt, when the current money is used to pay for everything else. And to think,
> we don't pay rent or utilities, and we still can't survive. I do pay for all of
> the car expenses though in maintenance, gas, stuff around the house, and all the
> food we eat. I only use grandpas card to buy his diapers and medicine.
> We were hoping to start sending grandpa to daycare 3 times a week, to not only
> give Nao some time off, but also to give grandpa some stimulation and time away
> from us as well. As hard as it is for us, it is also hard for him to be with us
> too. He is to the point he no longer has friends, no longer has anyone else he
> talks to but us, and family at Saturday dinner.Daycare is too expensive. We cant afford it, grandpa cant afford it, and Uncle cant afford it. It is just too much to handle. There is no easy solution, and there never has been. I have been trying to figure it out for a year and a half to no avail. Life just isn't easy. I think realistically there are three options we have. The first option is to put grandpa in a nursing home. From the sounds of it,there is no room though, and even if there were, it is far too expensive. None of us can afford to pay for it. The second option is to take turns taking care of grandpa. He is here for 3 months, then he goes to Utah, and stays with mom and my sis.This makes most sense to me, because it doesn't cost anything like daycare, and he is still withfamily. He gets a change of scenery, and gets to interact more. The third option, is we move out, sell the house, and use the money to pay for
> grandpa's daycare.I talked to mom earlier, and she said she would sell everything in Utah and move
> here to take care of him, but that is simply not an option. Like us, you have
> your own life to live. It is not fair to ask anyone to put their lives on hold
> to come here.
>
>
> I think those are our three options at this point. And I think option 2 is the
> most sensible. Nobody loses their house, nobody pays thousands of dollars for
> daycare, and we all lend a hand at taking care of grandpa. We all share the
> responsibility, and we all take turns caring for him. You may say he will not
> want to go to Utah. Well, he will want to go to Utah more than he will want to
> go to a nursing home, which he will not come back from. He can go to Utah, and
> he can come back home. He will also not want to lose his house, and the land he
> grew up on.
>
>
> I think if we all try our best, we can share the task at taking care of him, and
> its best for everyone- emotionally, and monetarily.
>
>
> If we cannot come up with something, I am honestly going to either lose my wife
> and marriage, or my family, because I will be forced into a situation in which I
> have to choose one. I don't want this to happen. I will try my hardest not to
> have to make that decision. Nao is the best thing that has ever happened to me,
> and it is killing me to see her suffer like this. It also kills me to think
> about not being here for grandpa though. When his time comes, I want to live the
> rest of my life knowing we did all we could to make sure he was the happiest he
> could be while he was alive. If it isn't that way, I will then live the rest of
> my life with guilt and regret, knowing I could and should have done more. And I
> don't want that. I want him to be happy.
>
>
> I will call sister and explain to her that if we do decide to do this, that her husband will have to chip in too. This whole living in the lap of luxury
> bullshit must stop. Every single time I think about the fantasy island lifestyle
> they live, it pisses me off so bad, I can understand Sister begging Uncle
> for money. It is shameful, but it is family. I understand that. how
> poor we are, I would never crawl to Uncle or grandpa and ask them for money.
> I only wish they could share this responsibility a little bit, and actually
> understand what we are all going through here. They have no clue.
>
>
> Please think it over, and let me know what you think the best plan is. We need
> to make a decision soon though. Things are very rough here right now, but we are
> working hard at trying to think straight, and come up with a solution.
言葉が悪いかもしれないけど、They probably didn't have any clues that this was coming...!って感じですよね。
でも、よく考えてみれば、苦しんでいるのはナオさんだけではなくて、ナオさんの旦那さんもなんですよね。同じように新婚生活を味わっていたい!って思ってるのはナオさんも旦那さんもなんですよね。
こうやって、勇気を出してメールをしてくれたってことはとてもありがたいですよね。
そこで旦那様の手紙(?)をみておもったのですが、
”> we don't pay rent or utilities, and we still can't survive. I do pay for all of
> the car expenses though in maintenance, gas, stuff around the house, and all the
> food we eat.”
レントを払ってらっしゃらない,つまり、おじいさまのお家になおさんと,旦那さんがいそうろうしている、、、ということですよね?