Hello!
I just joined this community, so please forgive me for posting so quickly. Also I don't know if this kind of topic has existed before, if it has, please forgive me.
I'm doing research for one of my reports on the attitude of Japanese towards foreigners at the moment, and I wanted to ask a few questions. Please tell me what you think Japanese in general think about them (rather than your personal opinion)
How do Japanese feel about foreigners? (You're welcome to explain the differences between foreigners from different countries)
What do Japanese see foreigerns as? Do they see foreigerns on the same level as themselves, or do they look up to or down upon them?
Many foreigners complain about Japanese excessively praising them for skills like being able to write katakana or using chopsticks even when they know that the foreigner concerned has lived in Japan for a long time.
Some interpret that in a way that Japanese don't want foreigners to really learn their culture or understand them. Japanese on the other hand tend to say that it's because they never really meet foreigners in real life, so they're not used to them.
What are your opinions about this "excessive praising behavior"?
Do Japanese _want_ foreigners to reach near-native level at Japanese and get an understanding of the culture similar to a Japanese person?
Do Japanese think foreigners can really understand their culture?
I've heard the term "gaijin complex" a few times on TV etc. Could someone explain what it means exactly and how Japanese feel about it?
Any comments will greatly help, so please answer! If you'd like to, please also write where you're from (Japan(which prefecture?) or foreigner?)
Thanks a lot!
Karyuu
I just joined this community, so please forgive me for posting so quickly. Also I don't know if this kind of topic has existed before, if it has, please forgive me.
I'm doing research for one of my reports on the attitude of Japanese towards foreigners at the moment, and I wanted to ask a few questions. Please tell me what you think Japanese in general think about them (rather than your personal opinion)
How do Japanese feel about foreigners? (You're welcome to explain the differences between foreigners from different countries)
What do Japanese see foreigerns as? Do they see foreigerns on the same level as themselves, or do they look up to or down upon them?
Many foreigners complain about Japanese excessively praising them for skills like being able to write katakana or using chopsticks even when they know that the foreigner concerned has lived in Japan for a long time.
Some interpret that in a way that Japanese don't want foreigners to really learn their culture or understand them. Japanese on the other hand tend to say that it's because they never really meet foreigners in real life, so they're not used to them.
What are your opinions about this "excessive praising behavior"?
Do Japanese _want_ foreigners to reach near-native level at Japanese and get an understanding of the culture similar to a Japanese person?
Do Japanese think foreigners can really understand their culture?
I've heard the term "gaijin complex" a few times on TV etc. Could someone explain what it means exactly and how Japanese feel about it?
Any comments will greatly help, so please answer! If you'd like to, please also write where you're from (Japan(which prefecture?) or foreigner?)
Thanks a lot!
Karyuu
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コメント(59)
I've never felt anything but good vibes from any Japanese people I've met in Japan, anywhere.
Maybe I'm just oblivious, but I doubt it - I'm a New Yorker, so I'm generally pretty hyper-aware of my surroundings.
There are some differences in how used to westerners people are depending on where I go. But it's not like "ew, he's western, get away!" It's just more curiosity. Once, this little girl came over to my in-laws' house in Ibaraki, and she just sat there staring at me with her mouth wide open the entire time. This is one of my funniest memories of Japan.
Last time I went to Japan, I needed to get some shoes for some formal photos. I'm a size 13 shoe. So we had to go to like 5 different stores before I finally found a size 11 that I could cram my feet into. The clerks were all super-helpful, though, and really amused by the situation. Nobody acted like "oh, we don't want to help that guy; he's western." They were all just really surprised to see feet that size, and they all ran all over the place trying to find big enough shoes. This is typical of my experiences there.
I know that there is a recurring idea here that Japanese people love white guys. I don't really think that's totally true, but maybe they are more curious about us than about foreigners of their own race. One thing that I think is possible is that stereotypes about Americans may actually work in your favor if you're a nice guy... it's almost like it's so shocking and surprising if you act like a gentle person that they're even more curious and happy to be around you. It's like you're some kind of benign oddity. So I do sometimes feel like I'm being studied or sized up, but it doesn't bother me.
Maybe I'm just oblivious, but I doubt it - I'm a New Yorker, so I'm generally pretty hyper-aware of my surroundings.
There are some differences in how used to westerners people are depending on where I go. But it's not like "ew, he's western, get away!" It's just more curiosity. Once, this little girl came over to my in-laws' house in Ibaraki, and she just sat there staring at me with her mouth wide open the entire time. This is one of my funniest memories of Japan.
Last time I went to Japan, I needed to get some shoes for some formal photos. I'm a size 13 shoe. So we had to go to like 5 different stores before I finally found a size 11 that I could cram my feet into. The clerks were all super-helpful, though, and really amused by the situation. Nobody acted like "oh, we don't want to help that guy; he's western." They were all just really surprised to see feet that size, and they all ran all over the place trying to find big enough shoes. This is typical of my experiences there.
I know that there is a recurring idea here that Japanese people love white guys. I don't really think that's totally true, but maybe they are more curious about us than about foreigners of their own race. One thing that I think is possible is that stereotypes about Americans may actually work in your favor if you're a nice guy... it's almost like it's so shocking and surprising if you act like a gentle person that they're even more curious and happy to be around you. It's like you're some kind of benign oddity. So I do sometimes feel like I'm being studied or sized up, but it doesn't bother me.
As a foreigner that comes from Canada, I felt welcome in general. Some kids looked at me as if they never saw a white person. I would say hello to them in japaneese. I guess maybe I was treated different because I was with my girlfriend or her family. But in general, I feel Japaneese are respectful and understanding towards foreigners.
I was treated very good in Japan and the politeness levels were very high.Just be polite and not loud and you will be fine I think.Of course some people are less friendly than the others but that happens in our home countries too I suppose.By the way,great first post by Taka.It was a very deep and insightful piece of information.Thank you.
muyuubyou> right about the tokaido line. I catch that train every morning and I've noticed that as well. I've also been on the other side of it, having people sit next to me but leaving an obvious gap next to the middle-eastern looking guy across the way. Whatever - I don't take it personally. its preferable to being outright stared at - which you'll get in china - even in big cities like Shanghai.
Well, I feel much more comfortable going out in large groups. I am from a small city in the USA [the South, too]. I hate going out by myself. I wish mother's would tell their adult children not to stare! I hate that! When I want to stare at someone, I try to be very discrete. I don't want them to see me staring, because my mother did say not to stare. However, it is not really Japanese culture NOT to stare. My Husband says people always stare at something strange or unusual in Japan.
Also, people act afraid of me as well. I am not tall, and I am a pretty girly girl, but I still get treated like I have some disease.
The nicest people have been really old people. They just come up and talk to me, or they treat me no different than any other person around.
Basically, I get used to the stares and what not, but it would be nice if I could just blend in. I just can't. I guess I'm just not used to NOT being able to camoflauge.
I think it would be much easier to assimilate being from a large city like NYC, you get used to ignoring things.
In the South, we are SUPER conscious of what people are thinking and doing around us...Life is a slower pace...
Anyway, I will keep trying to ignore those idiots who have no manners.
Also, people act afraid of me as well. I am not tall, and I am a pretty girly girl, but I still get treated like I have some disease.
The nicest people have been really old people. They just come up and talk to me, or they treat me no different than any other person around.
Basically, I get used to the stares and what not, but it would be nice if I could just blend in. I just can't. I guess I'm just not used to NOT being able to camoflauge.
I think it would be much easier to assimilate being from a large city like NYC, you get used to ignoring things.
In the South, we are SUPER conscious of what people are thinking and doing around us...Life is a slower pace...
Anyway, I will keep trying to ignore those idiots who have no manners.
リラックミル >>>> i think you should count yourself lucky that people think of you soo much! actually, just because they look at you, it doesn't mean they have bad thoughts!!! as you said above, you think you are a "pretty, girly girl" so it's only natural that people look at attractive things! don't you think? by the way, i am happily married so don't get scared!!! lol :)
gibbo-chan,
I didn't mean PRETTY like 美人 anything. hehe I am also happily married, but I still get weirded out when a taxi rolls by and yells HOT at me...Old guys, too. I have nothin' against old guys, but their faces are like my Grandfather so it's just kinda...I don't know. Girls get weirded out...I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I'd rather be ignored, like I am back home! haha If I wanted to scratch my ass, it's like being on video! I SWEAR!
I didn't mean PRETTY like 美人 anything. hehe I am also happily married, but I still get weirded out when a taxi rolls by and yells HOT at me...Old guys, too. I have nothin' against old guys, but their faces are like my Grandfather so it's just kinda...I don't know. Girls get weirded out...I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I'd rather be ignored, like I am back home! haha If I wanted to scratch my ass, it's like being on video! I SWEAR!
wow, this is the most friendly and informative discussion of this kind compared to past times. hahaah
i had a very interesting experience actually here in america. one humongous difference in america and japan is how we date. americans tend to move faster than japanese and when we like someone we show it more. and what basically happened is i liked a girl, moved to fast and alot of japanese guys looked down on me for this. they even said i stepped on their "territory..." i of course curious why they were so negative, talked to them about it... simple culture difference. so that can be a big problem for american guys i think.
but have also read many nikki's and found alot of japanese people say lots of thinks that i have found rude and ignorant about americans. again though im sure u can find many americans saying bad things about japan... so it goes hand in hand.
>リラックミル
i think its fun to be yelled at out a window! :D
i had a very interesting experience actually here in america. one humongous difference in america and japan is how we date. americans tend to move faster than japanese and when we like someone we show it more. and what basically happened is i liked a girl, moved to fast and alot of japanese guys looked down on me for this. they even said i stepped on their "territory..." i of course curious why they were so negative, talked to them about it... simple culture difference. so that can be a big problem for american guys i think.
but have also read many nikki's and found alot of japanese people say lots of thinks that i have found rude and ignorant about americans. again though im sure u can find many americans saying bad things about japan... so it goes hand in hand.
>リラックミル
i think its fun to be yelled at out a window! :D
Wow, what an interesting topic. My husband, mother-in-law, and I recently visiting Japan for the first time. They're obviously white and therefore there was no hiding the fact that they were foreigners. I'm Korean-American, though, so I could blend a little more. ^.^ It was interesting seeing other people's reactions to us.
I'm from New York City as well, and I was amazed at how polite Tokyo was, especially compared to NYC. We were obviously a group, and many people would give up their seats so that we could sit together. Fat chance of that happening in New York.
I think my favorite experience was while we were in Shibuya, looking for a particular store, and I wasn't sure how far we'd gone or if we'd passed a certain street... where are the street signs in Tokyo, where?! I stopped to ask directions from a rather punkish looking kid who was looking all cool sitting on a rail beside a row of bikes. He turns around and gives me the coldest glare. But as soon as he heard my accent, his whole demeanor changed. He became really helpful and showed me where we were on the guidebook that we were using as a map. (Bad idea, btw… the guidebook maps don’t give any idea of scale!) Like in this case, I think we were given a lot more consideration because we were foreigners. I really found Tokyo to be a friendly city. ^.^
And on the other-side of the coin, Americans are just as bad as making outsiders feel self-conscious. I grew up in a small town where my brother and I were the only Asians in our whole school. No blending for us, either. The Japanese people aren’t the only ones who judge by race or skin color. It’s just a lot of white Americans aren’t used to feeling so visibly out of place. If anything, think of it as a learning experience. When I go down south to visit friends or family, I have these same types of experiences.
I'm from New York City as well, and I was amazed at how polite Tokyo was, especially compared to NYC. We were obviously a group, and many people would give up their seats so that we could sit together. Fat chance of that happening in New York.
I think my favorite experience was while we were in Shibuya, looking for a particular store, and I wasn't sure how far we'd gone or if we'd passed a certain street... where are the street signs in Tokyo, where?! I stopped to ask directions from a rather punkish looking kid who was looking all cool sitting on a rail beside a row of bikes. He turns around and gives me the coldest glare. But as soon as he heard my accent, his whole demeanor changed. He became really helpful and showed me where we were on the guidebook that we were using as a map. (Bad idea, btw… the guidebook maps don’t give any idea of scale!) Like in this case, I think we were given a lot more consideration because we were foreigners. I really found Tokyo to be a friendly city. ^.^
And on the other-side of the coin, Americans are just as bad as making outsiders feel self-conscious. I grew up in a small town where my brother and I were the only Asians in our whole school. No blending for us, either. The Japanese people aren’t the only ones who judge by race or skin color. It’s just a lot of white Americans aren’t used to feeling so visibly out of place. If anything, think of it as a learning experience. When I go down south to visit friends or family, I have these same types of experiences.
Wow, I got alot to read haha, well based on what I know from teaching n' stuff here in Washington, I find that the younger generation is more alot more well informed than the older generation. I went and traveled around Japan last summer and I guess maybe its a good thing that many people thought I was Japanese even though i'm Filipino :-P... Anywho, when I stayed with my student's families, I found myself being asked a lot of questions about life in America, common trends, pop-culture and anything else I could answer. Ya I did get thrown into things such as being told deragutory (can't spell today) terms and slurs, but hey some eople don't understand them so you just gotta keep cool and tell them correctly. Haha, but ya I do agree with some of you too about how some people are not well informed. Besides they are land locked since all around them is water. But I'll write more when I read the rest.
I notice over here in New Zealand each Nationality seems to stick together. Japanese have mostly Japanese friends. In Christchurch we have a Korean community and a lot of those people can't even speak English. This is especially noticible in high schools. Is it the same in other countries??
Ame,
That's nice and all, but I am in a HUGE city in the middle not some lil town in the middle of no where. They treat black people much worse than whites, so how is that fair??? Also, Chinese and Koreans aren't treated very well either, when their Nationality is known. Maybe not tourists, but this is not uncommon for permanent residents.
So, although I may be learning a lesson, others are not necessarily getting a nice lesson. Also, why do I need to pay for the mistake of the existing white racists or the ones from the past. Not sure what you mean, I deserve to be treated like that...
Germans don't deserve discrimination because of Hitler and HIS cronies or even the Nazi party that is in existence today. Therefore, I find it a bit offensive what you suggested.
Also, it is nice to be catered to when you are a tourist, but what if you've lived some place for 20 years [I have no, but I know people that have] and they still treat you like you are a beginnger. A
That's nice and all, but I am in a HUGE city in the middle not some lil town in the middle of no where. They treat black people much worse than whites, so how is that fair??? Also, Chinese and Koreans aren't treated very well either, when their Nationality is known. Maybe not tourists, but this is not uncommon for permanent residents.
So, although I may be learning a lesson, others are not necessarily getting a nice lesson. Also, why do I need to pay for the mistake of the existing white racists or the ones from the past. Not sure what you mean, I deserve to be treated like that...
Germans don't deserve discrimination because of Hitler and HIS cronies or even the Nazi party that is in existence today. Therefore, I find it a bit offensive what you suggested.
Also, it is nice to be catered to when you are a tourist, but what if you've lived some place for 20 years [I have no, but I know people that have] and they still treat you like you are a beginnger. A
>リラックミル
I think that you're misunderstanding what I meant. I'm not condoning racism nor am I trying to diminish your frustration with it. I'm just presenting the other side of the coin.
I used to live in a big city in the mid-west and many times I would be the only Asian shopping in my grocery store. I have black friends who would have security guards follow them around whenever they went into a store. Each country has their own dark side. That's all that I'm trying to say. Racism is never pleasant to deal with and I do sympathize with you. Gambatte ne!
And by learning experience, I was referring to the motto: That which does not kill you makes you stronger. This is just a test of personal strength.
I think that you're misunderstanding what I meant. I'm not condoning racism nor am I trying to diminish your frustration with it. I'm just presenting the other side of the coin.
I used to live in a big city in the mid-west and many times I would be the only Asian shopping in my grocery store. I have black friends who would have security guards follow them around whenever they went into a store. Each country has their own dark side. That's all that I'm trying to say. Racism is never pleasant to deal with and I do sympathize with you. Gambatte ne!
And by learning experience, I was referring to the motto: That which does not kill you makes you stronger. This is just a test of personal strength.
Maybe our mind or spirit hasn't change since Edo Period.
Technology improves quickly, but mind doesn't change easily.
Japan has opened its door to the world only 140 years ago.
It's like soccer. Japanese got familiar with soccer only about 10 years ago. So it will take a long time for Samurai Blue to
win or match the other countries' teams.
It will take a kind of a long time for us, Japanese, to be more friendly to foreigners. Maybe another 10 or 20 years... Please be patient. Please!
And we also have to send people to the world and let them experience many things in other countries. That's what we have to do.
When I arrived in the U.S., I was embarrased and not eased.
Because everything was totally different from things in Japan... But as I got used to the American way of life, I thought that they are the same as us. When they feel happy,
they laugh. When they are annoyed by someone's behavior,
they get mad. Same as us. I have learned that.
So I hope more Japanese people could meet and discuss something with foreigners.
Oh, this community will be the great oppotunity to do that!
Technology improves quickly, but mind doesn't change easily.
Japan has opened its door to the world only 140 years ago.
It's like soccer. Japanese got familiar with soccer only about 10 years ago. So it will take a long time for Samurai Blue to
win or match the other countries' teams.
It will take a kind of a long time for us, Japanese, to be more friendly to foreigners. Maybe another 10 or 20 years... Please be patient. Please!
And we also have to send people to the world and let them experience many things in other countries. That's what we have to do.
When I arrived in the U.S., I was embarrased and not eased.
Because everything was totally different from things in Japan... But as I got used to the American way of life, I thought that they are the same as us. When they feel happy,
they laugh. When they are annoyed by someone's behavior,
they get mad. Same as us. I have learned that.
So I hope more Japanese people could meet and discuss something with foreigners.
Oh, this community will be the great oppotunity to do that!
Ame,
I'm sorry if I overreacted! I'm just a lonely housewife these days! heh (>_<)
Yeah, that motto is true. I still love it here. I just know that's something I have to deal with from time to time.
In USA, I was always caught up in paperwork and bills and stuff.
In Japan, things, for me anyway, seem less complicated.
So, maybe I traded in one bad thing for a different kind of bad thing.
I'm sorry if I overreacted! I'm just a lonely housewife these days! heh (>_<)
Yeah, that motto is true. I still love it here. I just know that's something I have to deal with from time to time.
In USA, I was always caught up in paperwork and bills and stuff.
In Japan, things, for me anyway, seem less complicated.
So, maybe I traded in one bad thing for a different kind of bad thing.
>リラックミル
Daijyoubou. ^.^ I know what it's like to be an American living abroad. There's a lot of things that we take for granted and living outside the US is an eye-opening experience. There's a lot of anti-American sentiment out there. It can definitely be a culture shock.
Hey, if you ever feel the need to vent or just want to chat, drop me a line sometime. Who knows, we may find that we have a lot in common. ^.^
Daijyoubou. ^.^ I know what it's like to be an American living abroad. There's a lot of things that we take for granted and living outside the US is an eye-opening experience. There's a lot of anti-American sentiment out there. It can definitely be a culture shock.
Hey, if you ever feel the need to vent or just want to chat, drop me a line sometime. Who knows, we may find that we have a lot in common. ^.^
excessive praising behavior
Well I myelf, don't get surprised to see foreigners having good Japanese manners, because I can't even hold my chopsticks correctly, haha!
But, If I meet an occasion to do something with foreigners, I give a glance to his/her Japanese manners, then try to understand how much experience and understandings he/she has towards us. It is to get a glimpse of which level of conversation I should start when I talk about Japanse Culture.
People with "excessive praising behavior", I think, have less experience communicating with foreigners.
But! But! But!
Here' my opinion.
I think some of them already know that nowadays some foreigners can have good skills, yet she/he praises the skill. It's because they want to continue and have more communication with you but with his/her skill he/she doesn't know how or where to start the conversation.
It maybe just my objective analysis though.
I'm from Japan, Ehime.
Although my education was in Tokyo and I lived there 9 years.
Well I myelf, don't get surprised to see foreigners having good Japanese manners, because I can't even hold my chopsticks correctly, haha!
But, If I meet an occasion to do something with foreigners, I give a glance to his/her Japanese manners, then try to understand how much experience and understandings he/she has towards us. It is to get a glimpse of which level of conversation I should start when I talk about Japanse Culture.
People with "excessive praising behavior", I think, have less experience communicating with foreigners.
But! But! But!
Here' my opinion.
I think some of them already know that nowadays some foreigners can have good skills, yet she/he praises the skill. It's because they want to continue and have more communication with you but with his/her skill he/she doesn't know how or where to start the conversation.
It maybe just my objective analysis though.
I'm from Japan, Ehime.
Although my education was in Tokyo and I lived there 9 years.
m.t.>
You're contradicting yourself.
> For example, when I saw a foreigner watching map at station, I would want to help him/her. But if he/she was an ordinary Japanese, I wouldn't do so.
> Generally, Japanese don't see foreigners as themselves, but I do.
You don't treat foreigners the same way you treat other Japanese, so you can't say that you see foreigners as same as Japanese :P
You're contradicting yourself.
> For example, when I saw a foreigner watching map at station, I would want to help him/her. But if he/she was an ordinary Japanese, I wouldn't do so.
> Generally, Japanese don't see foreigners as themselves, but I do.
You don't treat foreigners the same way you treat other Japanese, so you can't say that you see foreigners as same as Japanese :P
Also, I had three experiences being a Gaijin in other countries.
1.in Spain
I was sitting on the bench to veiw a sunset. Then an old lady came and ask me if I can speak Spanish. I said no. Then she asked if I can speak French. I sand no. Then she again asked me if I can speak Italian...I had to say no. So she gave up talking to me. we just sat on the bench and viewed the sunset falling.
2.in hong-kong
I was 8 years old and was in a train. An Asisan looking woman sitting in front of me stared at me until I got off -about 10 minutes. I felt unconfortable because the woman wasn't smiling nor glaring. When I look her back, she looked the other way. I wondered why she stared at me since we looked similar. Now I know that she could tell I was a Japansese kid by my clothes. The meanings of staring is yet wrapped in mystery.
3.in America
I visited a elementary school at the east side of Washington states, it was a country side where there was only white people and Native Americans. Our group was more than100 exchange students from all over the world. Kids were very shy, but during the brake time they all decided to come to us, and asked us to sign on his notbook.
1.in Spain
I was sitting on the bench to veiw a sunset. Then an old lady came and ask me if I can speak Spanish. I said no. Then she asked if I can speak French. I sand no. Then she again asked me if I can speak Italian...I had to say no. So she gave up talking to me. we just sat on the bench and viewed the sunset falling.
2.in hong-kong
I was 8 years old and was in a train. An Asisan looking woman sitting in front of me stared at me until I got off -about 10 minutes. I felt unconfortable because the woman wasn't smiling nor glaring. When I look her back, she looked the other way. I wondered why she stared at me since we looked similar. Now I know that she could tell I was a Japansese kid by my clothes. The meanings of staring is yet wrapped in mystery.
3.in America
I visited a elementary school at the east side of Washington states, it was a country side where there was only white people and Native Americans. Our group was more than100 exchange students from all over the world. Kids were very shy, but during the brake time they all decided to come to us, and asked us to sign on his notbook.
I dont know about you guys, and yes this is my own opinion from experience, but I think that sometimes when Japanese people are overly friendly they can be just as overly Imposing on you.
For example, one day while eating dinner with a Japanese family. They were extrememly nice. I felt treated like a king. Then afterwards, they were really imposing and wanted me to teach thier daughter english on weekends. I felt bad and couldnt really say no although I didnt really want to teach her either. This happens A LOT in Japan. They are even imposing to each other. This isnt a Gaijin only thing. I find this rather annoying sometimes when the have these expectancies.
For example, one day while eating dinner with a Japanese family. They were extrememly nice. I felt treated like a king. Then afterwards, they were really imposing and wanted me to teach thier daughter english on weekends. I felt bad and couldnt really say no although I didnt really want to teach her either. This happens A LOT in Japan. They are even imposing to each other. This isnt a Gaijin only thing. I find this rather annoying sometimes when the have these expectancies.
スパンキュウ:
Let me guess - you didn't bring this family a gift when they invited you to dinner. So, they basically asked you for one.
This is something that *is* hard to deal with as a westerner, all these customs of gift-giving in Japan, and the etiquette thereof. In the US, we're way more casual, although I'd still bring a bottle of wine or something if somebody invited me to dinner. But there are SO MANY situations in Japan where you're expected to provide gifts, and while I think most Japanese people seem like they'll excuse westerners' ignorance if they don't do it, I guess some people really won't and will try to coax something out of you if you breach etiquette.
Let me guess - you didn't bring this family a gift when they invited you to dinner. So, they basically asked you for one.
This is something that *is* hard to deal with as a westerner, all these customs of gift-giving in Japan, and the etiquette thereof. In the US, we're way more casual, although I'd still bring a bottle of wine or something if somebody invited me to dinner. But there are SO MANY situations in Japan where you're expected to provide gifts, and while I think most Japanese people seem like they'll excuse westerners' ignorance if they don't do it, I guess some people really won't and will try to coax something out of you if you breach etiquette.
スパンキュウ
I think you can just say no when you don't want to.
Eating a dinner as friends and asking to be a teacher has totally a different value. And as for me (I am a Japanese), I feel it imposing and annoying!
Are you teaching this kids for free? Every weekends??
If so, stop it right away. If teaching is only occasional (which comes with a delicious dinner every time), I can understand. But if not, there are schools she can go to.
If you can get some earnings for it and you are satisfied with it, you can continue. Otherwise, just say no. You have your own schedule.
This family may be disappointed at you, but just let them be.
In your situation, it's that simple I think.
And another thing such as Jeff says; If you know every time you'll be imposed by this kind of situation, just bring something that goes with a dinner, and then you can show your politeness and easily say "no, jikan ga arimasen".
Your miyage becomes a polite excuse, and you'll learn if the family really welcomed you as a friend, or something different by their attitudes later on.
I think you can just say no when you don't want to.
Eating a dinner as friends and asking to be a teacher has totally a different value. And as for me (I am a Japanese), I feel it imposing and annoying!
Are you teaching this kids for free? Every weekends??
If so, stop it right away. If teaching is only occasional (which comes with a delicious dinner every time), I can understand. But if not, there are schools she can go to.
If you can get some earnings for it and you are satisfied with it, you can continue. Otherwise, just say no. You have your own schedule.
This family may be disappointed at you, but just let them be.
In your situation, it's that simple I think.
And another thing such as Jeff says; If you know every time you'll be imposed by this kind of situation, just bring something that goes with a dinner, and then you can show your politeness and easily say "no, jikan ga arimasen".
Your miyage becomes a polite excuse, and you'll learn if the family really welcomed you as a friend, or something different by their attitudes later on.
> Summabreeze
yeah I agree with you a lot. I normally "do" bring some miyage because its customary. Even in new york city when i got to my japanese friends apartments or to a nabe party etc. I usually bring sake, senbei, etc. But as you stated, I thought this family was friendly, but turns out they just wanted me to teach thier daughter for free one weekend day of the week. I gave her 2 lessons and said I couldnt do it anymore. Thats not what really bothered me though. The fact that they imposed this on me was what troubled me.
> jeff
I feel you on that one. Ive been in those "Am I the only one who brought gifts here?" situations. They sure make me feel stupid for bringing something. Better safe than sorry though. Id rather be in that situation than me being the only one who "Didn't" bring a gift.
yeah I agree with you a lot. I normally "do" bring some miyage because its customary. Even in new york city when i got to my japanese friends apartments or to a nabe party etc. I usually bring sake, senbei, etc. But as you stated, I thought this family was friendly, but turns out they just wanted me to teach thier daughter for free one weekend day of the week. I gave her 2 lessons and said I couldnt do it anymore. Thats not what really bothered me though. The fact that they imposed this on me was what troubled me.
> jeff
I feel you on that one. Ive been in those "Am I the only one who brought gifts here?" situations. They sure make me feel stupid for bringing something. Better safe than sorry though. Id rather be in that situation than me being the only one who "Didn't" bring a gift.
Such a communication difference as スパンキュウ san raised is also troublesome within Japanese people, in family, in friendship, in business, any occasion.
Maybe it's a little bit like a dilemma between modern and traditional way of exchanging values. Some people just don't care so much of the other people's time or values.
Although I myself didn't have the same kind of problems when I lived in the U.S., one of my friend who went on a 'private' exchange programs had a very bad experience; she had a paid host family, also she had to do all the chores which no other family members didn't. It was worse than imposing I thought, but I didn't take it as a cultural differene -it's more like family stuff.
So I think everyone is NOT the same even when books or people teaches you the traditions & tendency of a social behavior. It shouldn't be easily connected as a cultural boundary.
But, maybe this is an ideal thing.
I don't know what the other Japanese will think, but I am an Japanese!
Once you get into a different culture, the boundary is more vague and harder to see, but to feel, maybe.
Maybe it's a little bit like a dilemma between modern and traditional way of exchanging values. Some people just don't care so much of the other people's time or values.
Although I myself didn't have the same kind of problems when I lived in the U.S., one of my friend who went on a 'private' exchange programs had a very bad experience; she had a paid host family, also she had to do all the chores which no other family members didn't. It was worse than imposing I thought, but I didn't take it as a cultural differene -it's more like family stuff.
So I think everyone is NOT the same even when books or people teaches you the traditions & tendency of a social behavior. It shouldn't be easily connected as a cultural boundary.
But, maybe this is an ideal thing.
I don't know what the other Japanese will think, but I am an Japanese!
Once you get into a different culture, the boundary is more vague and harder to see, but to feel, maybe.
> Eddie
Hey Eddie, Im Hispanic and didnt really have much trouble while I was in Japan. Although I kinda look Caucasian I was treated pretty fairly. There is a Racism issue in Japan, but I think it really varies from generation to generation. If youre in Tokyo or any other major city you probably wont have much trouble at all. Also, the younger generation of japanese are a bit more open minded than thier elder counterparts. Just keep in mind that we're all outsiders to them hence "Gaijin". As long as you show a fond respect for thier culture etc, youll be fine. Most of all, have fun and enjoy your time there!
Hey Eddie, Im Hispanic and didnt really have much trouble while I was in Japan. Although I kinda look Caucasian I was treated pretty fairly. There is a Racism issue in Japan, but I think it really varies from generation to generation. If youre in Tokyo or any other major city you probably wont have much trouble at all. Also, the younger generation of japanese are a bit more open minded than thier elder counterparts. Just keep in mind that we're all outsiders to them hence "Gaijin". As long as you show a fond respect for thier culture etc, youll be fine. Most of all, have fun and enjoy your time there!
- mixiユーザー
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