☆ENGLISH ONLY☆コミュのAll Mixi users are really very nice people really....

@ephemeross
I've noticed you guys can be brutal! Thankfully... I'm a bit of a snarky bitch when it comes to sarcastic situations so I enjoy it.




OP:
Many mixi users scare me. Then again I get a lot of unwanted nanpa mails.

>Rob

Actually there are more Japanese who enjoy sarcasm than you think
when they talk in Japanese.
I enjoy taking to them in Japanese here in Mixi.

The problem is that I think most Japanese are not used to
doing it in English, resulting in taking words literally.
Or that's because body languages or signals are also different,
maybe....

of course most japanese arent used to sarcasm in english
well many americans cant handle brit sarcasm fwiw

amusing, the opposite reaction thread appears.



Then again, the other one was way too offensive. 'cunt' is not a word that should be thrown around so lightly. that's extremely offensive.

I guess this is a nice attempt at balancing the negative of the last thread.

>Rob

Yeah, your gf is wrong!
You can never be childish.
People cannot call a child childish, can they?

@Rob - haha, I get what you mean :D
I'm always greeting my friends with insults, and calling them stupid, but they don't take offence to it, they just laugh or insult me back. The body language that goes with it is key too, I think that's why typing sarcastically or whatever, can be misinterpreted. (too many occasions where I've fallen out with a gf or friend because of that!)

@Ashley - ww It's fun when it's taken the right way （＾−＾）.

I think being able to insult each other in a relaxed/friendly situation and not take it seriously shows a strong bond between friends.

25: Tiara☆ﾟmama

Most cultural groups have things that are not said, why should the Japanese be any different. If a girl asks me "Do I look good in this?", she could be wearing a Chewbacca costume and I'll say, "Honey, you look great!"

@ephermoss--

Yep! I've maybe ONCE misunderstood, but my friend REALLY took it too far that time! xD.

I like how mixi users are at least so much nicer than their 2ch counterparts... ;-)

31: Tiara☆ﾟmama
>> That's what I hate,I always what to be told the truth What's
>> the use of not saying the truth even if it may hurt me but
>> that's for my good

I think there is also a value in avoiding awkward situations. What
the Chinese call saving face. Sometimes giving an indirect answer
can save the person embarrassment. Westerners tend to be more
direct but even we Westerners have something you could call
honne and tatemae.

I also think there are trivialities and matters of importance. A girl
asking me, "Do I look good in this?" (to my mind) is a triviality. It
doesn't really matter, what matters is the girl is important to me,
I value her, appreciate her and want to be with her. I don't know if
I'm being very clear.

27. Asuka,

You brought up a good point about cultural differences between Westerners and Japanese people. For the most part, I have had wonderful experiences with Japanese people. But I did have a "fall out" with one of my Japanese friends. It was more than 6 months ago and I'm still wondering what happened (hence the quotation marks around "fall out")

As far as I know, nothing's happened. I truly cannot think of anything that I have done or said to offend her. We were very close friends and overnight she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. I've e-mailed her and called her, but she's just decided to ignore me and remove me from her life.

One day, weeks later, I ran into her in the street. I thought it would be awkward, but she gave me this huge smile and sounded all excited as she said "hey!!!" Then she walked away and never spoke to me again, haha.

I'm not saying she doesn't have a good reason to be mad at me. She very well may have one, but I wouldn't know! In the end, I'm not upset because she won't talk to me, I'm upset because we were good friends and she never thought I deserved the respect to know what it is she is mad about. And she never thought I deserved the chance to explain myself. Maybe if she gave me that chance she'd realize that there is no reason to be upset. Or maybe she'd still think I don't deserve to be her friend - which is fine, but at least I'd know why.

So my bottom line is, I do love Japanese people very dearly, but the overly non-confrontational attitude is a huge adjustment for me.

[sorry, I know this is a bit off-topic]

sabinethompson san
this may be a bit off the point of what you have experienced with your ex-japanese friend. I would not say that I understand your old friend but I kind of understand the situation that you have mentioned. and borrowing this opportunity, I must confess that I have done something like that before. of course what I am going to say can be totally differnt from her case. but there could be possibility of which our cases have something in common.
first of all, I want to point out the difference of the way in what way we are "we" in relatin to others in society and how we are supposed to be "individual " in the pychological structure.
as often said, it seems to me , westernera are brought up to be an individual that is a separate being from other beings of the communty,
but we japanse (altough it seems that it is changing radically and rapidlly) are brought up much more dipendent on each other , on the context of the society and on the situation in which one is at the moment.
it means...it is a bit complicated....putting that with a allegory. if you are in a foreigh country where they do not understand your language, and if you want to make yourself understood , you will have to learn their language, but the core, center of your persolality will not change. but only the language as a means and tool for communicatin changes. but with the case of japanse mentality.(there is a wide range of differece of the ways of personalitys ,not to mention it )
the "core "itself　of your mentality from which you think, judge , act is very weak and the core itself kind of changes in accordance with social context or situations dipending on what seems to be required .how you think , how you feel can be much different by different situations (of course somethig of the trace and result from communication that she has made in a certain situation is left as undivided emotion) and but of course one can have the same attitude with someone or in some situation, but if the situation or the person that one is communicating with is a bit too much or heavy meaning that one can not take the respondiblity to it (deffinately for him or her alone because of its weakness of the mind) one socilaizes with him or her in a way like she needs effort to adjust herself to do it well.this is all done half uncounciouslly) she can do it pretty well, but when reaching at some point, she realizes that she can not get along with the person as one on one communication which is also as independent individuals. but if the situation differs, like you see her in a group with differnt people and so on, she can be quite well situational and be able to get along well with you too. dipending on the mood of the place, or helped by the collective feeling that she can identify herself with.meaning that she does not have responsibility as her individuality, indipendency.
now I realize that with my poor English and by only means of letters, how difficult it is to describe what I want to say (even in JP very difficult though) and what I have said may be a extream case.but by my observation and experience there are quite many of them with that kind of mentality and I guess, those who have more fixed , western type of personallity as something natural, can not even imagine the way of the personality of which I have described....
anyway I am happy if my account will help understand a bit of a type of pychology of japanese people(I am sure it has aroused much confusion )

Kenyi

Thank you so very much for taking the time to write and explain this to me. I often hear that the individual is more important than the group for westerners, and that the group is more important than the individual in Japan, but it's interesting to see how this applies to a situation like this.
Cultural and sociological differences like these are both fascinating and frustrating to me. I enjoy learning about them, though. So, thank you again!

i dont bite....

#34

In fact, it has been proven that the way we speak does change us internally, even when speaking your own language.
If you speak Japanese like Japanese people, you will find yourself often using certain terms over and over again. In time, this actually conditions your mind and the very morality that you once had can shift and change.
"Syoganai"
"Shikata ga nai"
"nantonaku"

I never use these terms in English, in fact I loath them. I cant learn anything about anything or anyone using these kinds of expressions to escape a conversation or a critical analysis But I regularly use them in Japanese. If I didnt, I would have no Japanese "friends" at all. These standardized, systematic terms and in fact the entire vocabulary used in day to day Japanese conversation vastly effects ones inner workings. Deep thinking is not something that people are generally encouraged to do in most societies, not real thinking anyway, but particularly not here.
Its "sanitizing language".
Explain a problem at work to a friend, the likely response: "Ganbatte". Which in reality means Suck it up. This is used in place of a real conversation that might produce real answers or god forbid more questions.

Institutions everywhere use this, "innocents killed" becomes "Collateral Damage." right?
What boggles my mind though, is how this entire society seems to exist in this Matrix of sanatizing language, gestures and customs all built and maintained not to protect anyones feelings or save face (most Japanese people I know will not hesitate to quickly tell a friend that they are getting fat, a condition which is much like the kiss of death here,) but in fact, just to keep people busy and under control.

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. "
This applies across the board.

I don't know about ALL Mixi users being very nice people, but I'm certainly prepared to
believe that most are.

I do like to try & keep my faith in human nature, however difficult that may
be sometimes!

Oh, except for the user that started the "all mixi users are c**ts thread", which is why
this thread was started as a kind of counter point. He's just frustrated with himself
because of having to pay for sex.

#39I agree there is a certain amount of sanitizing. But I think its an interesting trade off.In the west, people easily get frustrated over other people's problems. Japanese customs might be a way to circumvent this frustration.For example, if someone describes a problem at work, the listener as two options. Either go into a long winded list of suggestions, or simply to the person to "try their best" with the situation.Usually there is nothing the listener can really do to affect the situation anywayI was taught that people in China have respect culture because of the pressures of high population density, and I assume the same holds true for Japan. Although what we consider respectful and what Japanese people consider respectful don't always line up (like you example about being called fat). Also, I heard that there are times reserved for expressing your true feeling in Japan, which may relieve some of the pressure. Maybe someone can tell me if it is true. Is it ok to express your true feelings to someone if you are drunk (even if you are actually not that drunk)?

So far most Mixi people I have met seem nice, but you never know what they are like in person.

I currently live in England, so I don't experience talking to many Japanese people as I haven't been in Japan since March.

I try so hard when talking to Japanese people not to cause offence, even when I visited Japan I tried so hard to be nice. I am used to having jokes with friends here in England and being really open and swearing without realising. So it is pretty hard to try adapt to the Japanese way of life.

Hi, I've read somewhere from #33, difference of western and japanese, and although I
understand what you guys are saying, I do think those kind of incidents can happen
in any culture in greater or less.

I lived in England and I experienced all sorts of fake expression, 'sanitizing language',
lying all over the place type of things. ( maybe there aren't any in US or Australia, but I
doubt it.)
A friend cutting you off for no particular event, yes it's happened in Japan, in UK, probably
in everywhere. yes, I do think Japanese one is most awkward since they stop talking to you
out of blue and don't even bother to tell you why. All I can say is that some people are too
scare to tell you what they really think. " I hate you before you hate me" or " I wanna be
liked by all of my friends, including yours, so I don't say why I hate you cos that makes me
bad" kind of personality.

This come down to " all the mixi users are nice people". when you are experienced
enough, just talking to someone for couple of minutes is almost enough to see if they are
good people ( or people who suit you ). Someone told me, your soul can tell ( though I don't
like this kind of superstitious saying but it's kind of true )
So the bottom line is that, whatever cultural difference there is, I think it all come down to
individuals and to you. I mean, if you have really important friend(s) and if you can trust
them wherever they come from, that is way more important than bothering about cultural
difference and trying to perfectly fit into the society.

sorry, I am kind of over-excited. This is quite important subject for me as I was concerned a
lot at one part of my life. It's got too long, sorry.

>joeru
I think it's ok to express your true feeling at drunk. A lot of japanese guys I know do that.
But it famously said that even after a really good honest talk at drink out, your japanese
colleague or boss would treat you exactly the same at work as if nothing happened.
( I don't know if it's true )
>キーフ
Just to say sorry for mentioning England as if they do fake emotion all the time.
It's really occasional and it's when I didn't know with whom I hang out. Like those ones
who pretend to be posh, I had a trouble with. But maybe it was just me felt so uncomfortable.
Could be good guys, I don't know. Hope you make good japanese friends next time you
come here.

Thank you for responding, ヒデ. I just want to add that these honne tatamae kind of feelings might be considered old fashioned by some really young Japanese.I visited a friend in Japan, and we didn't have any problem. But his English was really good, so maybe he was more open to accepting the different ways Westerners behave. He said he considered some of the honne tatamae nuances old fashioned.I think as more of the WWII generation and the generation after disappear (on both sides), such customs may fade more and more too.All cultures are evolving into a 'world society' and constantly improving and adapting. I see there are many hang ups that older Americans have too that the next generation will not stand for (for example, less wasting of resources, and less harsh treatement of children, less racism, etc...).So you're right this is not strictly a Japanese problem, but an international problem that everyone experiences differently.sorry if there are no line breaks, I think this mixi app I am using removes them.

No problem ヒデ :o), All cultures are different. a lot of people in England can be two-faced as wellas in other places in the World. I seem to know who is genuine right away in England, but in Japan it is a lot harder for me :), but I hope to meet many nice people.

33>

I don't know that your particular example shows cultural differences too well...In my experience, (I live in Chicago, in the US) unless someone did something terrible like sleep with someone's boyfriend/girlfriend, that's how it happens here. People just suddenly stop talking to you without explaining why to you because they don't want the confrontation.

Now, the biggest difference in your situation is that if I were you and I saw my friend who was ignoring me in the street, I would have demanded to know why she was ignoring me...But yes, I am actually going through a similar situation right now, where someone who was one of my best friends for two years decided about a year ago--right before she did a year long study abroad in Japan--that she didn't want to talk to me anymore. How did I find out? Well, I was trying to call her, but she wans't answering, and since she was about to leave for Japan I figured she was just busy packing. So then after she arrived I tried to say something to her on her facebook page, but she had unfriended me. I tried to message her to ask what was wrong, and she would ignore it. When I kept sending messages, she blocked me completely. (Although oddly enough, she has a mixi now and was checking my page a lot, even when i didn't update)...

ANyway, just like in your case, she never told me why she was mad, and when I would message her, I tried to bring up the fact that I thought I deserved to know at least why she was mad, but she never responded. Literally there was a period of about 4 or 5 months two years ago where she would try to invite people out to eat or something and almost every single time I was the only person who ever went and hung out with her, and I really felt that at the very least she could have talked to me to resolve whatever problem she had BEFORE deciding to cut me out. even more confusing, the last time I saw her was at her going away party, and she was acting like everything was okay!


Now, I am a non-confrontational American, who also values the group, I suppose. That is to say, that if something happened, and both her and I were invited to the same event or party or something, we would both probably just ignore each other. Although I want to talk to her, I don't want to talk to her in front of a lot of people, or make a big scene about it, right? So I would try to get her alone somehow. Like, if we go out to eat and then go shopping, I will try to approach her at the store when she's not with anyone, but I won't talk to her at the dinner table.


Maybe I'm just not a normal American, but this is pretty much the same type of situation I see with everyone around me...

Why has this one come back??

All because an ugly bald twat called Shane Wadleigh decided to insult
all Mixi users, so this was put up in response.

Don't look too deep into comments made by wankers!

Shane Wadleigh needs to pay to get laid.

YES! nice & polite! Now i agree ...

just received someone saying she wanna fuck my country and blah blah blah this morning...WTF??! i didnt show up here for an age.

and even i said nothing and did no shit before my leave,it makes me confused


of course i dont think all the mixi users suck, but whats wrong with this whore..

why someone hurt the ppl they dont know and even never talk?

@TUOggy

tks ;)

i was mad and now just cool down

x100