I wish to ask a question directed towards Japanese girls.
I have met many Japanese girls in the last year, some of them which I liked and even felt atracted to, but I'm very unsure about how to act towards a Japanese which I like. I mean, if I like a Quebec girl, then I will invite her for coofee or going out supper, then she will let me know pretty quick if she has some interest or nothing at all. But with Japanese girls since the firt meeting we went to coofee or supper, then later on, to invite for coofee means nothing special. Also most Japanese are able to use the famous Japanese feelings mask to hide her true feelings, then very often I truly have no idea about their feelings nor thinking...In the end I end being just friends with everyone ^c ^ (this is not bad actually, but... )
Last summer we were often going out a group of people Japanese and Canadians, then one of my friends liked one of the Japanese girls, but being all the Japanese always in group he was not able to be private with the one he liked, finally he acted in a very rash and rude way to meet alone the girl, he ended up going out with the girl, but the rest of the Japanese group truly disliked him for his behavior and for his acting.
I'm a very slow kind, I mean, I take a long time and several meeting before deciding if I truly like the girl or not, also I'm a very difficult person, I'm the kind seeking for that rare soul and meaningful relation(many friends have told me is not good to be so serious in the matter, I know this very well) this poses a trouble with Japanese as most of the Japanese who came here are just visiting for short time Quebec, then in most of the cases is imposible to build anything at all and as I don't get to know them well me myself I don't step forward.
How a Japanese girl would like to be told that someone is interested in her ?
Last year I went out kind of often with a girl and one day I told her in a romantic and intimate moment that I liked her, she simply didn't answer at all nor made any moves to show any interest, then out of respect I didn't insist nor bring up the subject again... yet not so long ago someone told me she was in fact interested in me and that I should have insisted... x_ X but without any clear sign of interest I would never insist as I don't wish to make the girl unconfortable ...
The other girl I liked (believe it or not I have only crossed 2 girls I liked in the last year and both happened to be Japanese) well I didn't knew her so well and when we met she was always with a group of Japanese, I found her very attractive and from the stories the other Japanese told me about her I was more than interested in knowing her. but I didn't wish to make anyone of the group unconfortable so I didn't act in a rash nor rude way, I tried to give her several oportunities and excuses to contact me in private, as we never happened to be alone, but she never contacted me and as I was not able to get nor her mail nor her phone(stupid yes, but when I asked her mail directly it was her roommate who jumped in and offered me her email(the roommate email), then I had no way of contacting her directly, and even if I asked a couple of friends of the group to pass me her email it simply didn't happen...), our comunication was limited to group meetings. I even offered her a card game she wished to have, making a little more clear my interest, but as I never told her directly I feel she didn't notice I would have liked to know her more ... or maybe she simply didn't have any interest.. I don't know...
I think that sentimental relations are very difficult, it has nothing to do about culture, but Canadian girls are so pro-active compared to Japanese that I simply don't know very well how to act nor what to do with Japanese. Keep in mind that me myself as an individual I have truly a hard time to make obvious that I like someone, simply because I'm of very gentle and helpful nature, I'm always doing services to people around me, an being very attentionate, then when I'm attentionate towards a girl in special it simply doesn't show as special as I'm attentionate towards everyone around me... :( As for girls even if they are just friends I always invite to coffees and similar stuff, which doesn't make inviting someone any more special. Also I'm very ankward as for declarations T_ T
Also as a sidenote, currently I have no one that I'm interested in, but it will happen(just don't know when), then I prefer to know how to act sooner than later ^c ^
So can some Japanese girl explain her ideal mating ritual please ?
I have met many Japanese girls in the last year, some of them which I liked and even felt atracted to, but I'm very unsure about how to act towards a Japanese which I like. I mean, if I like a Quebec girl, then I will invite her for coofee or going out supper, then she will let me know pretty quick if she has some interest or nothing at all. But with Japanese girls since the firt meeting we went to coofee or supper, then later on, to invite for coofee means nothing special. Also most Japanese are able to use the famous Japanese feelings mask to hide her true feelings, then very often I truly have no idea about their feelings nor thinking...In the end I end being just friends with everyone ^c ^ (this is not bad actually, but... )
Last summer we were often going out a group of people Japanese and Canadians, then one of my friends liked one of the Japanese girls, but being all the Japanese always in group he was not able to be private with the one he liked, finally he acted in a very rash and rude way to meet alone the girl, he ended up going out with the girl, but the rest of the Japanese group truly disliked him for his behavior and for his acting.
I'm a very slow kind, I mean, I take a long time and several meeting before deciding if I truly like the girl or not, also I'm a very difficult person, I'm the kind seeking for that rare soul and meaningful relation(many friends have told me is not good to be so serious in the matter, I know this very well) this poses a trouble with Japanese as most of the Japanese who came here are just visiting for short time Quebec, then in most of the cases is imposible to build anything at all and as I don't get to know them well me myself I don't step forward.
How a Japanese girl would like to be told that someone is interested in her ?
Last year I went out kind of often with a girl and one day I told her in a romantic and intimate moment that I liked her, she simply didn't answer at all nor made any moves to show any interest, then out of respect I didn't insist nor bring up the subject again... yet not so long ago someone told me she was in fact interested in me and that I should have insisted... x_ X but without any clear sign of interest I would never insist as I don't wish to make the girl unconfortable ...
The other girl I liked (believe it or not I have only crossed 2 girls I liked in the last year and both happened to be Japanese) well I didn't knew her so well and when we met she was always with a group of Japanese, I found her very attractive and from the stories the other Japanese told me about her I was more than interested in knowing her. but I didn't wish to make anyone of the group unconfortable so I didn't act in a rash nor rude way, I tried to give her several oportunities and excuses to contact me in private, as we never happened to be alone, but she never contacted me and as I was not able to get nor her mail nor her phone(stupid yes, but when I asked her mail directly it was her roommate who jumped in and offered me her email(the roommate email), then I had no way of contacting her directly, and even if I asked a couple of friends of the group to pass me her email it simply didn't happen...), our comunication was limited to group meetings. I even offered her a card game she wished to have, making a little more clear my interest, but as I never told her directly I feel she didn't notice I would have liked to know her more ... or maybe she simply didn't have any interest.. I don't know...
I think that sentimental relations are very difficult, it has nothing to do about culture, but Canadian girls are so pro-active compared to Japanese that I simply don't know very well how to act nor what to do with Japanese. Keep in mind that me myself as an individual I have truly a hard time to make obvious that I like someone, simply because I'm of very gentle and helpful nature, I'm always doing services to people around me, an being very attentionate, then when I'm attentionate towards a girl in special it simply doesn't show as special as I'm attentionate towards everyone around me... :( As for girls even if they are just friends I always invite to coffees and similar stuff, which doesn't make inviting someone any more special. Also I'm very ankward as for declarations T_ T
Also as a sidenote, currently I have no one that I'm interested in, but it will happen(just don't know when), then I prefer to know how to act sooner than later ^c ^
So can some Japanese girl explain her ideal mating ritual please ?
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コメント(14)
-_-; 100 hundred girls I doubt...but hey, thanks for being so positive ^c ^
last gift I offered caused no reaction at all, but then it was not truly symbolic, just something the girl wished to have and didn't knew where to get it.
Also I try to read non-verbal comunication, but as far as I know I'm truly bad at it, I got a very wrong impresion from the last Japanese I met... T_ T
I have met a lot of Japanese people in the last year and I find very difficult to get behind the mask with most of them, very challenging indeed... ^c ^ Because I'm gentle and nice I become friend easily, but if I have any kind of interest I find it hard as hell to let it know... x_ X
I think the most difficult part is the lack of reaction to comments or actions I may do towards the person. As I don't wish to make anyone unconfortable, I choose an observing stance and wait for actions, but I have come to learn that Japanese also take an observing stance, then nothing happens...
last gift I offered caused no reaction at all, but then it was not truly symbolic, just something the girl wished to have and didn't knew where to get it.
Also I try to read non-verbal comunication, but as far as I know I'm truly bad at it, I got a very wrong impresion from the last Japanese I met... T_ T
I have met a lot of Japanese people in the last year and I find very difficult to get behind the mask with most of them, very challenging indeed... ^c ^ Because I'm gentle and nice I become friend easily, but if I have any kind of interest I find it hard as hell to let it know... x_ X
I think the most difficult part is the lack of reaction to comments or actions I may do towards the person. As I don't wish to make anyone unconfortable, I choose an observing stance and wait for actions, but I have come to learn that Japanese also take an observing stance, then nothing happens...
Guys, that s a really good topic to talk about, thanks Drake Coldwinter!!!! You always amazed me the way you write such long message on mixi, im impressed!!!!!
For me, when i first met my girlfriend ( japanese ), she was shy and me too but we talk and laugh quite easly this night. we were just talking normally together. But she did the first step, cos i m so shy i would never do it!!!!
So she wasn t so shy as i though japanese girl will be. Sorry about this weird english im typing!!! Gomen!!!
Be for sure my girlfriend will write something here to help you out!!! Take care and thanks to write topics in my community!!!!!
For me, when i first met my girlfriend ( japanese ), she was shy and me too but we talk and laugh quite easly this night. we were just talking normally together. But she did the first step, cos i m so shy i would never do it!!!!
So she wasn t so shy as i though japanese girl will be. Sorry about this weird english im typing!!! Gomen!!!
Be for sure my girlfriend will write something here to help you out!!! Take care and thanks to write topics in my community!!!!!
Hi!! Nice to meet you.
I'm Japanese girl. Recently, I start to study English.
So I don't know that I can understand right.
If I'm asked out by man, I will feel nervous & doubt of him,
"Why me ??"
And maybe I will worry for a lomg time.
Perhaps I will decline his invitations...
So, I think many Japanese girl too carefulness.
I'm Japanese girl. Recently, I start to study English.
So I don't know that I can understand right.
If I'm asked out by man, I will feel nervous & doubt of him,
"Why me ??"
And maybe I will worry for a lomg time.
Perhaps I will decline his invitations...
So, I think many Japanese girl too carefulness.
hi Drake san
i agree with inuchan san idea.
when my bf sent me mail to hang out for the first time i felt
'why me...???'
and i tried not to expect what he thought of me.
cause i have been interested in him,,, i didnt hurt what i expected...
when you want to hang out with japanese girl, please give the girl confidence
finally you want to be her bf, you say to her 'please be my girl'
many japanese girls are embarrased with how they start their relations with foreign boys.
hanging out is good way i think. dont forget to send mails after you meet girls. mail is also good way to approach.
ganbatte!!
i agree with inuchan san idea.
when my bf sent me mail to hang out for the first time i felt
'why me...???'
and i tried not to expect what he thought of me.
cause i have been interested in him,,, i didnt hurt what i expected...
when you want to hang out with japanese girl, please give the girl confidence
finally you want to be her bf, you say to her 'please be my girl'
many japanese girls are embarrased with how they start their relations with foreign boys.
hanging out is good way i think. dont forget to send mails after you meet girls. mail is also good way to approach.
ganbatte!!
inuchan, たべごろしゅうまい > I think that Japanese girls in general have some mistrust towards gaijin, is not only shyness, you don't trust nor believe when a gaijin approach you in the first place. I think you don't believe the gaijin can be serious. I think that many gaijin have the reputation of only wishing for easy stands, but I think this reputation goes along the one that says that japanese girls are easy to get ;)
I think that some gaijin just wish easy catch, the same some Japanese are easy catch, but that's not the case for a large group of people.
As for keeping email contact, well I try to keep email contact, but I meet often some Japanese with whom I have a great time and fun (I'm talking just friendship nothing more) and afterwards they leave, I write them and I get no answer, or I get short fast answers.
Fillipe > your girlfriend did do the first steps ? I'm shocked, that's very rare for a Japanese (well at least I have never hear of) your girlfriend must be a very special person ^c ^
From what I can read and see, the primary point is that is kind of normal to get a refusal the first time I propose, I must work hard, built a friendship and try to propose a couple of times to prove I'm serious and I truly mean it.
This is a cultural thing, because if you insist proposing a Canadian you may quickly get a bad upset answer...
On the other hand, the "refusals" I have got from Japanese where never true refusals, is more of a polite silent answer that I got instead.
To end the post I must note that one thing I love from Japanese women is that you don't seem to be aware of your physical beauty and charm. The first reflect you have is "why me ?" because you don't consider yourself especial or unique, when in fact someone has been charmed by your smile and comments and considers you very special. Other cultures don't ask themselves "why me ?"
I think that some gaijin just wish easy catch, the same some Japanese are easy catch, but that's not the case for a large group of people.
As for keeping email contact, well I try to keep email contact, but I meet often some Japanese with whom I have a great time and fun (I'm talking just friendship nothing more) and afterwards they leave, I write them and I get no answer, or I get short fast answers.
Fillipe > your girlfriend did do the first steps ? I'm shocked, that's very rare for a Japanese (well at least I have never hear of) your girlfriend must be a very special person ^c ^
From what I can read and see, the primary point is that is kind of normal to get a refusal the first time I propose, I must work hard, built a friendship and try to propose a couple of times to prove I'm serious and I truly mean it.
This is a cultural thing, because if you insist proposing a Canadian you may quickly get a bad upset answer...
On the other hand, the "refusals" I have got from Japanese where never true refusals, is more of a polite silent answer that I got instead.
To end the post I must note that one thing I love from Japanese women is that you don't seem to be aware of your physical beauty and charm. The first reflect you have is "why me ?" because you don't consider yourself especial or unique, when in fact someone has been charmed by your smile and comments and considers you very special. Other cultures don't ask themselves "why me ?"
hi again,
>many gaijin have the reputation of only wishing for easy stands, but I think this reputation goes along the one that says that japanese girls are easy to get ;)
i think its true unfortunetely....
its fact but if you want to get along with the girl whom you like dont care of it and make her trust by yourself. i tend to think it but at the same time, already know it depends on the person.
confidence could play a big role..
i dont think im special and so charming girl
(my bf says im funny friendly pervert!!!)
muzukasii.....
in addition, in just my idea, japanese ppl tend to consider future stuffs from the first step (of course not all). if we fall in love with foreign guys we care of what will happen in the future
since i have been interested in my bf, many friends told me i had not better to fall in love with him cause i would face sad future like he would go back his country or they could not see our future.
>many gaijin have the reputation of only wishing for easy stands, but I think this reputation goes along the one that says that japanese girls are easy to get ;)
i think its true unfortunetely....
its fact but if you want to get along with the girl whom you like dont care of it and make her trust by yourself. i tend to think it but at the same time, already know it depends on the person.
confidence could play a big role..
i dont think im special and so charming girl
(my bf says im funny friendly pervert!!!)
muzukasii.....
in addition, in just my idea, japanese ppl tend to consider future stuffs from the first step (of course not all). if we fall in love with foreign guys we care of what will happen in the future
since i have been interested in my bf, many friends told me i had not better to fall in love with him cause i would face sad future like he would go back his country or they could not see our future.
my girl accepted my invite to hang out again immediately after i asked her. I think if you like someone, you should ask them out to lunch or something "friendly" before you pop the the girlfriend question.
A nice lunch or dinner will suffice. Get to know each other before you do anything else. Think with the big head and not the small head, if ya know what i mean.
A nice lunch or dinner will suffice. Get to know each other before you do anything else. Think with the big head and not the small head, if ya know what i mean.
JuggaloAinOSide > All the Japanese I have met I met them by inviting for coffee or lunch. But to invite for lunch or coffee for me it doesn't mean I'm interested in them. Then later on if I'm interested in a girl it means I have met her already several times, and of those I have invited for lunch or coffee already a couple of times, then to invite isn't special... :(
The trouble is that maybe I should not invite friends for lunch or coffee ?
The trouble is that maybe I should not invite friends for lunch or coffee ?
2000 yen movie ? I did it once...
When I was in Japan in 2004 I met this cute girl, I met her several times for mere language exchange, so I told myself time to try something more impressing, so I told her I would invite her to supper and cinema... so we went to supper (3000 yen each meal = 6000 yens) then to cinema (2000 yen each = 4000 more yens) then we went walk and coffee (dont remember how much) at starbucks of Kyoto... then she told me she had enjoyed very much the evening and that if she wasn't already engaged with someone she would find me interesting(she had "forgot" to tell me up to that moment)... then she leaved and I never saw her again... '-_ -
sometimes life is truly funny...
When I was in Japan in 2004 I met this cute girl, I met her several times for mere language exchange, so I told myself time to try something more impressing, so I told her I would invite her to supper and cinema... so we went to supper (3000 yen each meal = 6000 yens) then to cinema (2000 yen each = 4000 more yens) then we went walk and coffee (dont remember how much) at starbucks of Kyoto... then she told me she had enjoyed very much the evening and that if she wasn't already engaged with someone she would find me interesting(she had "forgot" to tell me up to that moment)... then she leaved and I never saw her again... '-_ -
sometimes life is truly funny...
Hi,Drake san.
>I think that Japanese girls in general have some mistrust towards gaijin, is not only shyness, you don't trust nor believe when a gaijin approach you in the first place. I think you don't believe the gaijin can be serious.
I think so too... I can't believe foreign men. But,in my case,I can't believe also Japanese men...
If I receive email contasts from friend(a man),i will be happy!! But,I will be filled with anxiety about his contacts.
meybe,I'm still child...hahaha.
I think that keeping contacts step by step is important!!
Meybe the girl who you like is timidity like me...
>I think that Japanese girls in general have some mistrust towards gaijin, is not only shyness, you don't trust nor believe when a gaijin approach you in the first place. I think you don't believe the gaijin can be serious.
I think so too... I can't believe foreign men. But,in my case,I can't believe also Japanese men...
If I receive email contasts from friend(a man),i will be happy!! But,I will be filled with anxiety about his contacts.
meybe,I'm still child...hahaha.
I think that keeping contacts step by step is important!!
Meybe the girl who you like is timidity like me...
Your select ,I mean ,To invitate her the supper is good way ,but your japanese friend may be little scared about you.
If the more you know japanese culture ,the more japanese will open their mind.Of course you will get meaningful relation.In the end you can make girlfriend.Because Japnaese girl is ignoreance about foreignes ,they may be scare.Certainly ,Japan is closed around by sea,so we can have no chance to communicate with people who lives in overseas.
You should not forget that They has quite curious to you ,but she is only shy.
If the more you know japanese culture ,the more japanese will open their mind.Of course you will get meaningful relation.In the end you can make girlfriend.Because Japnaese girl is ignoreance about foreignes ,they may be scare.Certainly ,Japan is closed around by sea,so we can have no chance to communicate with people who lives in overseas.
You should not forget that They has quite curious to you ,but she is only shy.
inuchan > Just to be clear, currently I like no one, I have no one I would wish to be with, I haven't got the spark lately ;). I'm more busy preparing for traveling than for love :p So I can't say if the girl I "like" is shy or not ^c ^
Yamachan > I think that a lot of Japanese girls act with curiosity towards gaijin, when I was in Japan I felt sometimes like a strange animal as a lot of people look in a discrete way towards me (discrete, yet I can feel and see)
There is also the shy factor, rarely any Japanese girl has aproach me(if ever), here in Quebec when I cross a Japanese, I simply aproach him/her and engage in a conversation, most of the time I find that the Japanese is in need of help, they are lost, or they know no one in Quebec, so most of the time they are glad to find someone who talks japanese and can help them, invite them to a party to meet new friends or simply keep them company, but the point is, no matter how lonely they can feel or how much in trouble, they will not ask for help nor aproach anyone, is rare that they do. When I was in Japan I found myself in a similar situation, no one aproach me to talk, when I would be very glad and very happy of that, simply someone who offers me a little company or offers me to meet some friends or people on a evening somewhere.
Point is when you cross a gaijin in Japan think that there is a big chance he knows no one, he is having a hell of a time to talk and translate or do anything and he would be very glad of help, company or introducing to friends. ^c ^
Yamachan > I think that a lot of Japanese girls act with curiosity towards gaijin, when I was in Japan I felt sometimes like a strange animal as a lot of people look in a discrete way towards me (discrete, yet I can feel and see)
There is also the shy factor, rarely any Japanese girl has aproach me(if ever), here in Quebec when I cross a Japanese, I simply aproach him/her and engage in a conversation, most of the time I find that the Japanese is in need of help, they are lost, or they know no one in Quebec, so most of the time they are glad to find someone who talks japanese and can help them, invite them to a party to meet new friends or simply keep them company, but the point is, no matter how lonely they can feel or how much in trouble, they will not ask for help nor aproach anyone, is rare that they do. When I was in Japan I found myself in a similar situation, no one aproach me to talk, when I would be very glad and very happy of that, simply someone who offers me a little company or offers me to meet some friends or people on a evening somewhere.
Point is when you cross a gaijin in Japan think that there is a big chance he knows no one, he is having a hell of a time to talk and translate or do anything and he would be very glad of help, company or introducing to friends. ^c ^
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