帰国子女コミュのReverse culture shock

I think that you get used to where ever you live. When I came back to Japan from US, I didn't feel at home either. But when I visited my hometown in US, I felt like a complete stranger. That's when I realized that Japan is where I'm gonna live for the rest of my life, and my home town is here.
Another reason is pronouciation. My Japanese was weired when I just got back from US, but as my English pronounciation faded away, it came back to me.
I think you just need to give it a lot more time. And don't force yourself to adjust, because you just will.

Hi, I'm Japanese and lived most of my life outside of Japan. Currently, I live in Miami, FL where my husband is from.

I've lived in the United States before and I thought it would be piece of cake to get back into it. But unfortunately, a different city in the States may mean that it's pretty much a different culture or country, in some cases. And it took me a year or so to actually get used to being back in the States, along with getting used to this new city, Miami.

I also know a friend, American, who lived in Japan for several years. She also experienced a culture shock when she returned back to the States, even though it was her own country. It's just that you learn different things, get used to different ways, and maybe you grow into a different person, during your experiences abroad.

But I think all of this is a great experience. Many people don't even have the opportunity to travel out of their own countries, or even live outside of it.

The point here is that, you need to accept these differences. You may see things differently from your previous friends or family viewpoints because you experienced something different and new. It's a great gift! Then, share these differences and your knowledge with your friends or family. Or find people who are similar to you, who also experienced different lifestyles other than their own culture.

You say you're British, but Europeans in general are used to multi-cultural and multi-lingual people. It seems to be a prerequisite to be an elite in EU these days. Find some of these people, and you'll realize, you shouldn't be thinking of it as a negative thing. Only positive!

Like everyone here, I believe that I'm a citizen of the world. Some places are more favorable than others, but nevertheless, I believe I can adapt myself to almost everywhere and everyone. And if you speak the language, it opens up SOOO many doors for you!

Enjoy life while you can and good luck!

Hi Joe,

I am glad you asked the question because people assume that returning to your own country is easy when it really isn't. People experience reentry shock regardless of what country they are returning to. One country is not necessarily easier than any other country. Because it is not about the country, it is about you personally feeling disconnected.

Perhaps it might help you if I share my experience of moving to 14 different countries in the last 35 years. I also grew up in India and returned to Japan when I was 18, so I was an "adult" and it is more difficult to return as an adult because social networks are usually already formed by then.

The reason you experience reverse culture shock is because you think you are returning to where you left off. But the problem is, your friends have stayed in London whereas you have gone out and had a diverse experience. You are no longer the same person that left London. You are also not up-to-date on the local pop culture i.e. what is on TV, what is hip. I think the biggest shock will be when you want to share your unique experience with everyone and you talk about what you did in Japan, what a great time you had, what you hated etc. but the people soon get bored listening to you and you feel as though you are not quite connecting.

I think you will encounter the same problem I had when I returned to Japan. I look Japanese and speak Japanese without an accent but don't think like a "regular" Japanese. So people looked at me in a weird way and were confused about how to react to me. You will most likely have the same experience since (I assume) you are British and speak with a British accent.

The best attitude is not to expect to rekinder the same friendships that you had when you left. Be open to new friendships and go out and find a new network of friends.

Another good strategy is to listen for the first few months and find out what your friends are currently interested in. Since you have been away, don't expect to know anything. The best attitude to adopt is of humility. Watch TV and see what is popular now so that you can participate in the conversations. Once you have been able to re-establish common ground with your old friends, they will be more open to listening to your experiences. You need to remember that others may feel threatened by your experiences and you need to let them get used to you.

Ultimately, it is also about your own sense of identity. Whether you are comfortable in your own skin and know who you really are - that you are a combination of all the experiences that you have had and do not necessarily fit into any mold. Once you have that, then it is easy for you to adapt to any country in the world. Believe me, I have done it enough times!

I think you have taken the first step of acknowledging that you will have a problem when you go back. At least you are going in with your eyes open. A lot of people assume they won't have a problem and can't figure out what is depressing them. It took me 2 years to finally adjust back to Japan and figure out how to communicate. It will take time, but you have to be patient with yourself because you will be amazed at how resilient you are.

Got a little long but hope this helps!

First, let me say, that I'm really grateful for everyone who has posted on this topic. You have all been generous with your time and with sharing experiences.
Obviously we're all coming at this from slightly different, personal perspectives, but I have to say that for me, ゆか has really summed it up perfectly.
(I should also add that I'm not exactly lying awake at night worrying about this as a major problem - let's face it, there are far more people in the world with much larger and more pressing problems than this one. It's more a vague feeling of not knowing quite who I am any more. But not in a bad way; more along the lines of continually broadening horizons.)
Sure, I'm a very different person from when I first came to Japan 14 years ago but, as ゆか so rightly says, I have this assumption that when I go back everything will be like it was when I was last living in the UK. OK, so that's incredibly naive, but I have no idea of what pop bands are big, what's on TV - or even how many kids some of my friends have!
And that's sometimes a little unsettling because this is the place that I still occasionally refer to a "home." Do I need roots (cultural/geographical/ethnic/etc) of some kind to recognise as being what I grew from?
I don't know how old everyone here is, but when I turn this situation on its head, look how lucky we are. As many of you have pointed out, we no longer need to be "British" or "American" or "Japanese." We can be what we want to be because this world of ours has got smaller. That's a big difference from my parents' generation, and that's not all that far back down the years ago....
I know I'm lucky that I've lived abroad and seen some things that most of my friends who stayed in the UK could never even imagine (they ask about life in the Far East, I start to tell them - and you see their eyes glaze over because they just have no first-hand experience of their own to compare it with. It's like watching a movie and when you turn the TV off it's gone.)
I guess part of me feels sorry that they have never been able to climb Mount Fuji or go diving in the Pacific or eat sushi before dawn at Tsukiji or get arrested in Pyongyang.
Maybe Michael Caine has it right.
He said, "Life is not a dress rehearsal."

Hi Joe.
It may be a bit too late to comment on this topic but I wanted to share something since my husband(from Hong Kong) just experienced the exact same thing(culture shock!).
To start from the beginning, my husband moved to Japan 1.5years ago and has been returning to Hong Kong every 3 months(each time for a length of a week or so). As time passed and he started adjusting to the lifestyle in Japan, he felt that he had less things in common with his friends(latest entertainment news, mobile phones, etc) and felt a bit uncomfortable whenever he was back in HK. As a result, he didn't quite put much effort into keeping their relationship, only seeing them once or twice a year.
However, after establishing his own lifestyle in Japan, I guess he was finally able to focus on other things; started checking the updates of Hong Kong through internet. It was a positive thing for him as he felt more at ease and comfortable each time he went back and started seeing his friends more often and openly talked about various things including life in Japan. As a result, his friends seem to have gain interest in Japan and most of them started traveling to Japan and they now have more to talk about. This is one thing you might want to consider doing if you are certain you would like to return to England someday.
However, as some people pointed out, your experience is a precious gift not everyone can experience... So, I think it will be worth exploring new friends who can understand, cherish your experiences together. I say this because I have local friends in HK whom have either been in Japan several times or lived in Japan and when I meet with them with my husband, they enjoy sharing their experiences in Japan.
Up until now, I think the focus on this topic was more towards the friendship matters, but the culture shock my husband experiend just a week ago was a practically a new one... I guess without acknowledging, he had adapted in the Japanese peoples' manners, lifestyle quite deeply. He really saw HK from a foreigner's point of view this time.
1) Air is very dirty.
2) Toilet is very dirty and the peoples' manners are bad
3) People are rude: pushes each other, fighting for seats in the train, don't apologize when they bump into you.
4) Taxi drivers are rough.
He was extremely upset when he was at a DVD shop and while standing in front of a particular shelf, a young couple just came in front of him and blocked his total view and the same thing happened twice. He complained that it never happened to him at Tsutaya (^0^)
To sum it up, to my husband, the peoples' behaviour and inconvenience(compared w/Japan) had bothered/shocked him more than ever. He commented,"I seem to have become a Japanese. It never bothered me before, but I can't stand that kind of behaviour now. I feel different." He says he may not be able to survive in HK now. (^0^) I am unsure whether you had the same kind of experience(people shock) but I believe, people are flexible and can adjust so if you can prepare yourself, I am sure you will be able to fit back in with the crowd.
Usually, when a Japanese study overseas and returns, they have a very different attitude and sometimes changes their total friend network...

Nevertheless, I wish you all the best!!

Hi Joe,

I also kinda understand how you feel, and everyone does also.
I was born and was brought up in the United States, but my parents were Japanese. So, I'm both American and Japanese by nationality. The city that I lived in was a place where not much Asians were living, so I was the only Asain face in school. But, I didn't know any other country, and felt that I was completely American. When I had to come to Japan, I was really at a lost. Every where I look were faces that had the same ethnicity (当たり前だけど）, but the way my fellow students act was really strange from my point of view (culturally). On top of that, my Japanese was very poor and I guess that made me kind of like a gaijin to them.(笑）

But, looking around the people I talk to, there are many people that only grows up in one country. And, I guess that makes me lucky to have two countries as my background.