Honne to Tatemae in my understanding is the real self (private self) vs the superficial or game face (public self). This exists in the western cultures in a much lesser form.
These were two words that I learned about and a feeling that I learned before coming to Japan. My son had problems dealing with this when he first came here. These two words are about the feelings people genuinely hold (honne) and the opinions that are socially controlled (tatemae). Honne is a person`s inner motive or intention, and tatemae is the motives or intentions that are more in tune with the society.
Often when you go into a department store or other type of public service type places, you will encounter a sales representative who is seemingly overly polite to someone of the western cultures. That face is the tatemae face. It is rare that you would see anything but that face in any public servant. Once you become friends with someone, you may still encounter this tatemae face. Usually after opening up with that person may they open up to you and show their true self or honne.
I have no problems with this now, but when I first came here, to Japan, it seemed strange that people were so superficially kind. I now understand that it is cultural and it is not only accepted, but normal.
In my understanding, honne is ones deep motive or intention while tatemae refers to motives or intentions that are SOCIALLY-TUNED, those that are shaped, encouraged, or suppressed by majority norms. It is thought of as a virtue to not directly express ones real feelings or intentions. I know that this can be confusing to many foriegners.
Harmony and ceremoney are very important in the Japanese culture. Japanese people do not usually like to express themselves directly or straight forwardly (aimae) for fear it may hurt anothers feelings, so they are careful about what they say and often use tatemae in this case.
I think that a good example of tatemae is when a Japanese person asks, "Won`t you dine with us?" It may not really be an invitation, but rather a subtle hint to go home. The proper answer to this would be something like, " Thank you very much, but I am not hungry." Then take your leave.
I grew up in the South, so I've always had a concept of this. However, even things in the South are changing and people are becoming less polite and are losing there concepts of "tatemae".
In Japan, it is harder for me to distinguish when someone is being too subtle, but in the South it is easy for me to navigate and understand people because we have a different style.
Anyway, it is difficult for me to live in societies where this concept does not exist. I've lost a lot of mo ney to people who are pushy and make me feel as if I have to buy something from them in order to be respectful even though it is just their country's way of doing business.
I agree harmony and ceremoney are very important in the Japanese culture!
Once in Edo era, strong associaton in a tiny community was one of the most important parts to spend smoothy in local.
If there is someone that break the community rules, it called "betrayer"(mura-hatibu) by citizen. So people afraid of doing that, maybe this traditional norm still go on nowadays.