Foreign Mothers Rule!コミュのDo we expected to be conventionalized?

As another foreigner I can understand your feeling. I was once told by somebody that Japanese people don't expect foreigners to know anything. At first I felt a little annoyed, because it made me feel that I was thought of as stupid. After I realised that she meant I was excused if I didn't know the customs and the way japanese people are expected to do things.

I think for me, as you say, because I don't look Japanese, people tend to assume I know nothing. I once took a Chinese Canadian girl to a restaurant for my job, and the waitress ignored me and asked her how many people, etc. The girl I was with didn't understand at all, and the waitress got a bit confused. So I think it's more difficult and more is expected of you when people think you are Japanese.

As for kissing your husband goodbye, my husband NEVER lets me do that! Kissing in public is just a big no no for him. It's weird isn't it? It's not as if you are having a long passionate kiss or anything!

I can relate to the second instance you mentioned, I have been told how to dress for certain things, and also asked a lot if I have a party by others how they should dress for it. I suppose dress is important to people here.

As for the lunch box, who asked you to make it cuter?!?! I think that's quite offensive. I'm sure your boy doesn't even care about that kind of thing. I think there is a lot of pressure on mothers here. How to be a "perfect housewife and mother", it's just too much. As long as your children's lunch is healthy, there's no need to worry about cuteness or colour!!

Not sure about what you mean for your fourth instance. By booze, do you mean alcohol? Like a drinking party?

Exactly, almost everyone I've met so far thought I was
Japanese before we really started a conversation, it's
the reason why they assume me to know everything and
expect me to do everything conventionally most of the
time.

You know, the first Japanese word I learned from my
husband is "hazukashii", just because I kissed him in
the public. Now he has been getting used to it but
really depends on the ocassion, if there are lots people
around, he prefers no. As you said, not a long deep
French kiss, what's weird?

Dress is really important here, and it's really a
profound "common sense" which I need time to understand.
Once my husband was asked to stop wearing his striped
shirt as they thought that it was too flashy. Too
flashy? Come on, just a white shirt with gray stripes

Believe it or not, the school asked me to about the
lunch box. I could understand what they were trying to
say though, most kids are fussy eaters, a fancy lunch
box can make them concentrate on eating. But at the
sametime, I also think that kids will compare and
probably complain if their lunch box is not as fancy as
the others. My boy still hasn't made any complaint but
he did "order" what he saw from his friends'.

Yes, drinking party, "nomikai". Japanese people drink
a lot, mostly "on business" They could have a
second or third or even more resumption after the first
"nomikai" at different "izakaya". I wonder if they
could still enjoy the liquor

I think the whole 弁と thing is ridiculous. It's encouraging the children to feel competitive and inadequate if they don't have the best lunchbox. I think a lot of mothers think that they are helping their children in making their lunch look fun, but it goes a bit too far, I think. It must be hard to get orders from your son!! I didn't think about that, but it makes sense really, in a child's mind. I never used to worry about presentation when I had a boxed lunch at school. I was sometimes jealous of the other snacks that my classmates had, but that was all. My mother never changed anything, and I was perfectly happy.

Oh, now I think that I will have to make fancy bentos for Hannah too when she starts going to school A lot of pressure for Mums!