Sam, Ifty, Brad and Robert hover over a used answering machine. Ifty pours over the instructions.
IFTY Before you read your message press the red button for record, when you finish, press the yellow button. If you press the green button, it will play it back you. Let's start with the "ogm".
SAM Okay, okay. I'm ready. Hello, I am Sam.
IFTY No, no. I didn't press the red button.
SAM Oh, yes. False start, false start.
IFTY It's not working. That's what you get for buying a used machine. Used means broken. You're asking for other people's problems, you have enough of your own, not that everyone doesn't have problems.
BRAD It's not used. It's pre-owned. Guy bought it for his auto shop and then he got a secretary.
IFTY Testing, one two three.
SAM That's a good code. I'll remember that. One, two, three.
IFTY (pressing button) Quick, you're recording.
SAM I'm hi. I am Sam. I'm not home.
ROBERT No, you don't want to say that. you don't want them to know you're not home.
SAM But then I'm lying.
ROBERT Everybody's lying.
SAM I'm not a liar. It will send a mixed message to Lucy.
IFTY (pressing the button) You're on the air!
SAM Let me see, let me see, let me see. Hi, how are you?
BEEP! the tape runs out.
IFTY That was pretty good. That was natural.
SAM Did I sound like a good father?
IFTY It's the outgoing message. You need to sound more outgoing. Let's start again.